New job and found out I'm pregnant

  1. Ok, so here is my situation:
    I worked as a brand new nurse for a few months at a hospital and learned i HATED it, so Ianded my dream job in CVU in another state. My husband and I moved so I could pursue my career in cardiac. I am currently about 7 weeks into my orientation and found out i am PREGNANT about a week and a half ago. It was a complete surprise. I would not have moved away from our families if I knew. Also, I absolutely loved my floor at first, but I am figuring out I am not thrilled about floor nursing in general, and this job is kind of disappointing because I was so excited at first AND we up and moved for this job! But anyway, I have been extremely exhausted working 12 hour nights while pregnant and i cant imagine how hard this will be the bigger i get. Additionally, I really want to quit and stay at home once the baby is here, and i am not even off orientation yet! Its like my priorities have totally changed since i found out im going to be a mother. So what do i do? Do i quit while not too much has been invested in me or do i try to stick it out til i pop?
    Last edit by HannahLouise on Mar 16
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  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   llg
    What does your husband say about all of this? That is where I would start. Is he prepared to be the sole income earner in the family while you be a stay-at-home mother? If that is the lifestyle that the two of you choose together, then go for it.

    But that is not a decision you can make by yourself. If he is not able (or truly happy) to pick up the ball and be the sole financial provider, then you could be setting yourself up for disaster by giving into your current fantasy of being a stay-at-home mom. If you give up your career now, will you be happy with that decision later when you will want to help your family financially when it's time to pay for college? ... when your husband retires? ... if your husband loses his job or suffers a career setback of some kind? ... or gets a serious illness? ... if your marriage does not last forever? ... etc.

    For some people, not having a career works out for them. But for many people, unforeseen circumstances happen in life that gives them a need to earn money themselves. Be careful to keep options for yourself open should you even have the need to earn money to support yourself and your family some day in the future.
    Last edit by llg on Mar 16
  4. by   Wolf at the Door
    does he even work?
  5. by   HannahLouise
    Quote from Wolf at the Door
    does he even work?
    He does, but at the moment my job provides the insurance and his money alone is not enough. However he may have a great job opportunity in the next few weeks that could provide for us.
  6. by   Wolf at the Door
    Quote from HannahLouise
    He does, but at the moment my job provides the insurance and his money alone is not enough. However he may have a great job opportunity in the next few weeks that could provide for us.
    ok I was wondering how you up and moved affected his employment. That is great he was able to get a job. Is the new employment opportnity at the current location or back home? Can he return to his old job back home?Can you qualify for short term disability after 6 months? Can you break your lease?

    I don't think you're being reasonable. Are you both unhappy or just you? I wouldn't want that to affect your pregnancy. I also don't want your unhappiness with the job to affect your relationship. Maybe look for a clinic job.
  7. by   llg
    Maybe you could drop down to part time if your husbands get that good job that is a possibility.

    Tiredness is normal in the first trimester. It often improves in the 2nd.

    Almost all new jobs look better from the outside than they look after the first month or two on the job. It's called "reality shock" and every new nurse goes through it. There is always a bit of disillusionment once the job is not longer "shiny and new" -- almost all new grads are tempted to quit as they adjust to the realities of nursing. I'd give the job another 2-3 months (at least) before you give up on it.
  8. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from llg
    What does your husband say about all of this? That is where I would start. Is he prepared to be the sole income earner in the family while you be a stay-at-home mother? If that is the lifestyle that the two of you choose together, then go for it.

    But that is not a decision you can make by yourself. . .
    The is one of the very important conversations couples should have before they even consider getting engaged. If they are not in agreement about whether a woman would work after having a baby, then that is a deal breaker in my opinion.

    I have no idea if the OP and her husband discussed this prior to marriage based on her posts.

    Just a thought - one way to help out with the future decision to stay home is both people can work, budget so only one income is needed, and bank the other income into a savings account to help when mom does stay home.

    I went back to work at 40 as a nurse when my youngest was in 3rd grade. We worked 3-3 shifts so I was home when they got home. Exhausted, but home.

    Another nurse I know did have this discussion prior to getting engaged and she and her boyfriend agreed that mom should stay home and not use day care. They also run a ranch for developmentally disabled adults so she does help out there. She keeps her license current and does continuing education.

    You can always return to work later if you want. It might take a refresher course but you can do it.

    llg is right that 1st trimester symptoms are fatigue and that usually abates into the 2nd trimester. If your husband does get this great job, could you continue to work for awhile and just bank the extra income? Could you guys downsize and cut your budget in ways to help out with you staying home?

    There are practical ways to solve this and I'm hoping you and your husband discussed this before marriage. I've got a list of things I've told my own kids they have to consider when dating someone with the goal of marriage someday. It isn't all hearts and flowers. You simply have to ask hard questions about life goals.

    (Just as an aside, I decided to show the list I found years ago and gave to my kids. I wish I'd had it before marrying my ex. But then, I wouldn't have 2 of the kids I have now).

    Go through at least six months of premarital counseling. Oftentimes people ignore doubts, red flags, and gut feelings because they don't discuss their issues and concerns BEFORE they get married. By seeing an expert who specializes in premarital counseling, you'll go over things like:

    1. Money. How do we spend it? What about savings? What about budgets? Who takes care of the money? When it comes to money, there are two types of people to varying extremes: those who like to spend and those who like to save. It's extremely important to discuss finances and prenups (which I think are absolutely necessary in second marriages involving children so that the kids are protected).

    2. How alike are you? People say "opposites attract," but that only works for magnets, not for people. The more you have in common with your partner, the better. You need to discuss your backgrounds, religious beliefs, values, and dreams for the future. What are your views on loyalty, honesty, and dealing with anger? What behaviors are off-limits? You should talk about all these things and never assume they will change after you are married. If you want something about them to change and it doesn't, don't get married!


    3. Communication skills. Many people come from families where they really don't communicate. They don't sit down calmly and honestly speak the truth. You and your partner need to be able to say to each other, "These are my expectations, hopes, dreams, desires, etc.," and then ask if they are reasonable. If your partner says, "I would like to have more freedom, come and go as I please, and not have to call when I'm going to be late for dinner," then you know it's a good idea to call it quits.
    It's vital to assess how someone communicates before you get married. Some people use communication as a destructive tool to get what they want, and others use it to hurt their partner or justify themselves when they've lied or misbehaved.


    4. Life outside of marriage. Which hobbies and activities are you going to do together and which are you going to do separately with friends? Am I not going to be able to ride my motorcycle because you don't ride? Some people are so insecure, possessive, or demanding that they won't let the other person have a life. Many women, in particular, don't want their men to have guy time (which can be very disastrous).


    5. Do you want to have kids? How many? What does discipline look like? Who's going to take care of them? What happens if one of you has fertility issues? Are you open to adoption? Having two people cooperate to raise a child is a huge deal. Compatibility issues in how you parent can lead to big problems down the road. This is why it's important to look at each other's family dynamics. People develop a lot of neurotic tendencies from their childhoods that may never change, such as how loving or attentive they are. Observe how your fiancé/fiancée is with other people's kids. What about staying home with the kids?


    6. Employment. Do you travel a lot for your job? Do you plan to relocate often? Do you stay at the office late? Do you have any time for family? Certain jobs (trucking, medicine, law, military, etc.) require a lot of commitment. You have to analyze yourself and ask, "Do I want to marry somebody who isn't going to be home at seven every night? Do I want my spouse to be just visiting when he/she walks in to the house?"


    7. Sex! Find out what each other's fantasies are. If their fantasies include small farm animals, you know to hit the eject button.


    8. Daily life: Who's going to be responsible for which household chores and bills? Are you actually going to raise your kids, or are you going to farm them out (so that when you're old and decrepit, they farm you out)?


    9. How committed are you to the relationship? With looks, health, abilities, kids, finances, and family, there are many changes, phases, and challenges in life. Are you committed in the relationship, or are you just a fair weather spouse? I would say that about 70 percent of divorces result because people are not committed to a relationship - when it's not going good, they find another place to go.


    10. Personal space. Everybody needs time to be alone with their hobbies and thoughts. A lot of women have trouble giving their husbands personal space. Guys are generally relieved when their wives want to go spend the day with their girlfriends: "That's wonderful honey, are you sure you don't want to go for the weekend?" = "Yes! No nagging for six hours!"


    11. How are you going to keep the marriage exciting? What's your idea of a good time together? Is it hanging out with a lot of people? Watching sports? A candlelight dinner? A walk in the park? Soaking in the tub together? After they get married, many people say, "My husband/wife doesn't do anything." Well, perhaps that's because you guys never talked about what would be fun.


    12. Family. My advice: If you really, really, really can't get along with his or her family, move 3,000 miles away.


    13. Know your odds. Statistics show that couples who live together before they're married are more likely to get divorced. Couples who have been previously married and divorced are also more likely to get divorced. Don't learn the hard way by thinking "Well, we're different."
  9. by   HannahLouise
    My husband is in school for software development and the new job prospect is here, where we live now. It will be for web design or something along those lines.
  10. by   HannahLouise
    Quote from Wolf at the Door
    ok I was wondering how you up and moved affected his employment. That is great he was able to get a job. Is the new employment opportnity at the current location or back home? Can he return to his old job back home?Can you qualify for short term disability after 6 months? Can you break your lease?

    I don't think you're being reasonable. Are you both unhappy or just you? I wouldn't want that to affect your pregnancy. I also don't want your unhappiness with the job to affect your relationship. Maybe look for a clinic job.
    My husband is in school for softwear development at the moment and his possible job will be for web design, or something along those lines, and it is here where we currently live. The only reason i would want to go back home is because we moved away from both of our parents and now we have a baby on the way and no family here. But otherwise i love where we live.
    I had 30 days to sign up for insurance after i was employed and i did not sign up for short term disability, unfortunately. We werent planning on getting pregnant (we thought we had conception issues as we have been married for 8 years and no baby). And we we are in our late 20's.
    My husband is happy about the baby, he just wishes he could provide. We both want me to be able to stay home when the baby comes, especially now that i am not loving my job in the way i thought i would.
  11. by   jennylee321
    It sounds like at the moment you quitting and being a stay at home mom isn't an option. Before you make plans about living on just his income you'll need to wait till he secures the job. So it's all hypothetical planning at the moment.

    Its your life and you'll do what is right for you but here is my 2 cents. Let's say your baby to be is 2 years old and you are a stay at home mom, and your husband loses his job/you require more income to support your family or you separate. If you quit now you won't be able to count either of your nursing jobs on your resume because you won't have been there long enough. So you'll basically be marketing yourself as a new grad BUT not just a new grad, one who's 3 years out of school. This would be a bad position to be in for job hunting.
  12. by   adventure_rn
    So, I don't think anybody has pointed out the potential problems you may face with your new employer (which I wasn't aware of until I saw them happen to some of my newly-hired pregnant coworkers):

    First, with less than a year of employment at this specific hospital, you may not qualify to take FMLA. That means you may have to take a shortened maternity leave. (I don't actually know the logistics of not qualifying for FMLA, just that it's possible).

    Second, your unit may not allow you to drop down your FTE status with less than a year of work experience. Your managers or HR may insist that you work full-time for a full year before applying to drop your hours down, especially if they're spending a lot of money and time to orient you as a 'sort-of-new grad.'

    All of that said, if you do eventually want to work in nursing (bedside or otherwise), I'd do everything in your power stick it out with your job. You may find it very difficult to get another nursing job if your entire new grad nursing resume includes two jobs that you only kept for a few months. Having a few months of nursing experience but less than a year can put you into limbo, as you may not qualify for new grad jobs or experienced RN jobs.

    If it were me, I'd try to stick it out with the current job until you are eligible to drop down your FTE status to part-time or PRN. I know it stinks: your first year of nursing is hard, and being pregnant in nursing can also be hard. That said, it is doable, and you can find a ton of information if you search 'pregnant' in AN and look through the past forums.

    Also, this is controversial, but I would not inform your manager (or HR) that you're pregnant and/or looking to drop down your FTE status until after your probation period has ended (probably 90 days). During your probation (i.e. the period of time when you're first hired), your employer can fire you no questions asked. If you indicate to them that you're thinking about quitting, or that you want to drop your FTE as soon as possible, they may decide it is in their best interest not to spend any more money orienting you. It would technically be illegal for them to fire you because you're pregnant, but during probation they don't really have to give a reason (or they'll just say it's something unrelated). Again, there are a ton of AN posts on this exact topic.

    Best of luck, and congratulations.
  13. by   OrganizedChaos
    I put nursing on the back burner after I got pregnant with my first son but that was due to health complications more than anything & my health got worse during my second pregnancy.

    I could see it being an issue for you if you take time off to be a SAHM mom with you being a new grad. I am an LVN & if I tried to go back to work it would be hard for me but since I will be going back to school to become an RN I'm not as stressed.

    Good luck & congrats!

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