Can't get PEDS interview! Help with email to Nurse manager... advice appreciated!

Peds is the ONLY thing that I want to go into. I am graduating in May, and HR attempted to set up 2 peds interviews. Unfortunately the request for the interview that I wanted the MOST (which is for 2 units) was turned down.

The nurse manager is too bogged down with interviews and will open them back up IF the current candidates do not fill the positions...

One of my friends who graduated last semester and got a job from this NM rec. that I email her expressing how interested I am in the position.

Here is what I've typed up, but before I sent it, I want to be sure that it is worded in a way that will show her how committed I am to pediatrics and how interested I am in her units. I also want to "one-up" myself in any way possible to my competition.

Any suggestions, advice or corrections GREATLY appreciated (ESPECIALLY if you are a nurse manager!!)

Hi Mrs. XXXX,

My name is XXXX and I am in my final semester of school at XXXX, and graduate early May.

I had clinical for my Pediatrics rotation on XX, and completely fell in love with working with children, and with the atmosphere of the unit.

I have been working with Ms. XXXX from Human Resources to set up nursing interviews, and XX was the first choice on my list! She sent the interview request for February 16, and I was disappointed to hear that your interviews are all filled up!

If you get any cancellations for Nursing position interviews, please keep me in mind. I am very committed to being a Pediatric nurse, and would be very interested in any interviews open up.

Sincerely,
XXXXX

THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR RESPONSES...