New nurses post here alllllllllllllllllllll the time in their first year about worrying they will lose their license. I have come to see this as a classic sign of reality shock. There is nothing in nursing school
that prepares new nurses for the reality of nursing in real life. It is all idealism, perfect practice, best form. Very little is experienced regarding real staffing problems, documentation requirements and demanding families. Everything you are reporting feeling is typical for the first year of nursing. What you will get if you leave is simply starting all over again in a new specialty, which brings the same adjustment shock problems, only from square one all over again. I am not poo-pooing your emotions nor your observations. However, I do suspect things are simply typical rather than shockingly bad.
Offering a two year contract commitment to nurses accepted into a residency program is definitely NOT a sign of retention problems. This is, actually, standard practice in most major hospitals due to the expense of training a new nurse and the fact that the school world of nursing no longer churns out nurses able to hit the ground running, but in fact who still need yet further practical education. It is estimated to take about two years for the hospital to recoup that cost, but new nurses tend to jump ship (case in point) within the first six months to one year. This contract is intended to protect the hospital's investment in you. The practice that has been one to be wary of for staffing problems is those who offer a hiring bonus
. Those have gone the way of the Do-Do bird for the most part, unless there is a problem. But new grad contracts? Nope. That is industry standard.
I strongly encourage you to stick it out. Your anxiety may need help from a mentor to whom you can seek advice and answers that don't involve validating your desire to quit, but rather help you think through time management, critical thinking, delegation skills and processes that will build a strong foundation for your future as an RN. One year is usually the time when the anxiety starts to get a bit better. Once the next set of new grads start you will begin to see how far you have come, but until then you have a huge learning curve to muddle through. It IS hard. But....if you have five to six patients, a tech split among four or five nurses with 14 patients to deal with, you are not out of the norm and you won't find greener pastures elsewhere.
Jilting your contract will be expensive to you in more ways than one. In fact, the money will be the least of it. Hang in there.