My Grown-Up (Nursing) Christmas List

Yes, I know there are still approximately 75 shopping days till Christmas, but at this time of the year, time flies so quickly that before you turn around twice, Santa's on his way. So if you have a nurse on your holiday gift list, here are a few suggestions.........and no, I'm not fussy about brand name OR color.

1) A heated shiatsu foot massager. I didn't even know they existed until yesterday when I was doing a little 'retail therapy' and saw the thing on display at Costco. I tried it out and promptly fell asleep in the chair.........imagine how this little machine would feel on your feet after the ubiquitous shift-from-Hell and your significant other would rather eat a live chicken than rub them for you.

2) A year's supply of Depends for the middle-aged nurse on the 'go'. (Sorry, couldn't resist being punny.)

3) Gift card/certificate to a good shoe store.......the more expensive, the better. As in Dansko, Z-Coil, Birkenstock et. al. Nothing is more precious---or harder to find---than the right pair of work shoes. Besides, if we had great footwear, we probably wouldn't need item #1.

4) An iPod Shuffle. It's so small that we can clip it inside a scrub pocket and listen to music virtually undetected. This is very useful in drowning out the cacophony that results when a patient, her physician, and eleven family members are screaming at us all at once.........

5) Here's an idea for the cost-conscious: Bubble wrap! Especially the larger sizes that pop easily and make a satisfying sound when they do. There is absolutely nothing (short of getting completely trashed on Long Island Iced Teas, that is) that is more effective at relieving the stress associated with nursing. I'm only half-kidding..........when I was the director of nursing in an assisted living facility, my staff always knew to step lightly whenever they heard what sounded like overamped popcorn coming from the general direction of my office.

6) A year's subscription to almost any periodical that doesn't have anything to do with our profession. The last thing we want to thumb through on that rare day off is a publication containing the words "health care".......which eliminates Time and Newsweek, as well as all womens' magazines and the local newspaper. (I'm thinking Playgirl here, but that's just me.)

7) A case of chemical de-icer for those frosty nights when we leave the workplace dead tired, only to be confronted with an inch-thick coating of ice on the windshield and the prospect of half an hour of chipping away at it with a credit card. I don't give a hang what the tree-hugger types have to say about it: if they don't want us to use the stuff, they can come and chip the ice off our cars while we wait inside a warm place with a cup of cocoa.

8) Oh, and "Santa", if there's any room left in your goodie bag, there isn't a nurse on the planet who couldn't use an all-expenses-paid vacation in a tropical paradise where there are no call lights, ringing phones, micromanaging managers, impatient patients, bullying doctors, nasty smells, or double shifts.

In fact, scratch the rest of the list............I'll take #8!!!!!