For those who had lost a child in a hospital bed; still searching for their lost hope

Nurse daddy,

WOW! That story was very touching. God bless your family and your little miracle.

I too lost a son, who died at 2 days old. I didnt even get to take him home from the hospital. I had a placental abruption. I was finally transferred to a larger city hospital who later told me....5 minutes later and I would have died, 20 minutes sooner my son would have lived. I held my son as he died and it was the most heart-wrenching experience Ive ever had to live through. I nearly died myself from heartache. I had tried to pump breastmilk for him those 2 days and was unsuccessful. I wanted to give my son the best, but I failed. After I went home from the hospital, my milk was abundant and wasted. I remember waking up one morning thinking it had been a nightmare and found my belly empty and my breasts full. I had a hard time accepting that it was reality.
I now have a daughter who is 9 years old and she is my life. I cannot have anymore children due to health problems and a hysterectomy but I thank God for my little girl.
Later I had a patient, a baby who also suffered a placental abruption but survived. She was hospice and her parents had brought her to die. I was assigned to this patient. At first I refused because my heart couldnt stand it. But I did decide to take care of her because I felt that I was the best fit for the situation. I felt I could relate and empathize/sympathize with the family and their loss. It was like living it all over again, but it also gave me a strange peace.
I pray for all who have suffered the loss of a child. They say that time heals and it does....some. But you never fully get over it.

Very touching story Chenoaspirit, you have such tremendous courage.

Thank you to each of you who have posted of their losses of children. I know there are many more who are not willing to share. The loss of a child is possibly the hardest experience of life and I am grateful for you to express your feelings publicly. God bless you!
I had a wonderful privilege to work at a large children's hospital for many years and it changed me. What a wonderful people I met. I hope I helped to bring comfort and relief to some along their way. I have held babies when they died, did CPR on many who did not live. Considering I could've had a job in a different vocation, I was always thankful to be where life and death and matters of real importance happened every day. Thank you to all you nurses who are now in those positions!

I have lost 7 little angels, all 15-24 weeks. I found out on my 21st birthday that my first born was a son and that he had passed away. I delivered him at home that night. He weighed 1# 6.2 oz and was 13" long. He had a completely open spine, though was perfect to me. I have been given 2 gifts from God, my 2 boys. Sebastian Whyatt and Thomas Morgan. I can only imagine and empathize with those that have lost there children so close to being full term. You are an amazing dad! Jacob Sebastian is your true gift. Bless you!

We already had 2 young sons; but on August 1, 1990 my 3rd pregnancy ended in fetal demise at 38 weeks. I woke up that morning having slept through the night. Immediately I knew something was wrong and drove myself to the hospital while my husband got my mom to come babysit. The nurse who admitted me did an ultrasound, and we knew before my husband arrived that there was no heartbeat. Labor was induced, and about 4 hours later our stillborn son, William Angelo, was delivered. (The staff were in tears; and 2 of those nurses came to congratulate me when my 4th son was born in 1993.) We held William and kept him with us for about an hour of goodbyes. He deteriorated quickly. The cord was shorter than normal, and it may have clotted. I also tested positive for Lupus and Strep B. The cause was never determined. I'll never forget the kind gestures and understanding from others that gave me comfort and hope through my grief. I've always tried to reach out to others in kind.

One of my most poignant memories from my previous job was the Mother's Day I had been assigned a small premature infant who was dying. His mother stayed at the bedside all morning long. I watched her heart break into a million pieces when the doctor answered her questions(not what she wanted to hear) and then I had to watch her dry her eyes and go out to accept the beautiful Mother's Day gift from her 2 older children (a necklace). She snapped at me and then apologized to me for her out burst! I assured her that if she wanted to scream and curse me she was welcome to let me have it. I was here to help not only her son but her husband and her as well. He died in the afternoon and they held him quietly at the bedside for about one hour and then let the grandparents say goodby. And yes I did cry( I have always cried with the families that I have had to help say goodby to their beloved child).

My parents lost a child 30 years ago (stillborn at 5 months). It still hurts them to think about it but the pain has lessened a little. My mom doesn't cry at the cemetary but she is very quiet.

This thread is about me as an RN and a very courageous boy. I began to study my wife's med-surg book during the early days of our youngest son's (Evan) first fight with CA. He had an ependymoma at age 2 1/2. Crainiotomy, central line (several), chemo, near-fatal neutropenic sepsis, open biopsy, radiation, recurrance, crainy #3, stem cell phoresis, high dose chemo, IC bleed, crainy #4, monoclonal antibioties, status eizures, fall with subdural bleed, crainy #5 then OK for twelve years with several physical and learning challenges. At age 15 1/2 he developed telengiectatic osteosarcoma at the crainial radiation site. He had two years of crainy #'s 6 thru 8, chemo and was preparing for neutron therapy at the cyclotron in Bloomington when he had an agressive recurrance that killed him in 6 weeks at age 17 1/2.

During this hell on earth, I transitioned to RN. I've been a paramedic for 20 years and my wife is a critical care nurse. Now I'm a CEN working WO in a small ER. I obviously have seen all types of nursing over the years and truly admire those who made my son's journey easier. I strive every day to do the same for my patients.

Norsing education is all about teaching this concept without living it. During your next shift, approach each pt and CONSIOUSLY try to make their day with outstanding care and compassion. Eventually this will become your "way of doing business" and you will find that nursing is very rewarding.

wow. very touching...