The patient I loved

I graduated Nursing school in May 2008. I went almost directly into home health. I had 1 visit that the administrator went with me and I was set loose to be a nurse. This was to be the patient that made me know why I became a nurse. J was a 50 years old and morbidly obese at 650lbs. He was such a hoot from the beginning. His mom came and lived with him while he was sick and assisted him with his bathroom needs. J had a history of sleep apnea and an avascular right hip. Right before he became my patient he went into CHF, I suppose just due to his weight. He did not have diabetes or HTN. He was solely my patient and decided early on that I would get him up and moving! As time went on, I discovered many challenges getting equipment for him. Eventually, I got a bedside commode that accomadated 650lbs (GREAT). This took a while, shortly thereafter I was able to get him a trapeze for his bed. The initial reason we started seeing J was for wound care he had a small abcess that had been opened at the hospital that we were packing everyday other day. Slowly over the weeks it had become smaller. He came home with a foley and I was able to remove that! He was such a sweet man who also battled depression, I learned this some weeks into his care. I kept uplifting him and talking to him about getting up and getting back in his truck. He would tell his mom that I was his favorite nurse. I was flattered but not convinced.LOL We eventually got him an apnea machine but the company required him to come in for a sleep study. Now this is impossible due to his weight, inability to transport him and his general condition so the company picked up the machine. I fought it but was unsuccessful. His mom and I became close, I loved her like she was my grandma and she loved J with all her heart. Very rarely did she leave him at the house. He would tease me telling me I was a pain in his arse... That is were the wound was that I would pack. I had that wound the smallest it had ever been. And J was up in spirits too. I thought for sure he would be driving that truck by Christmas. I had been off for a few days and apparently J had a big huge boil come up on his right side. He had been taken by ambulance to the local ER. Given his weight this was a huge ordeal, had to wait for a big ambulance etc. I went to see him the day he came home. He was not his Santa Claus jovial self. Something just didnt feel right. The DRs had done conscious sedation to lance this boil and J kept telling me they put me too far under. His O2 sats were 90% on 2 L. He was adament he wasnt going back to the hospital. I told him I would give him 24 hours! J's mom called me, she was in a panic. J was so weak he couldnt move. I asked her to put him on the phone I wanted to speak to him. He was so lethargic he couldnt hold the phone. J's mom was power of attorney and I told her he needed to go to ER asap! My first thought was a PE. He still didnt want to go. I called his PCP and had his nurse call J's mom. Finally they went. The day before Christmas. Within 12 hours they had intubated him. This is something he told his mother he did not want. They never confirmed a PE because they couldnt fit him in the CT scan! I stayed in touch with the mom, dad and sister over the next 2 weeks. On a Sunday my cell phone rang......
I remember it like it was yesterday, the female voice asked is this **** J's nurse? It wasnt his mom's voice. I knew instantly J was gone. I cried and cried. I literally sobbed over him and the pain his mom felt. I didnt know that last visit would be the last visit! He has been gone now since Jan and still think of him often. I even left home health so I wouldnt get so attached. I just got hired at a new company to return to Home Health. I believe that is where God wants me. I still smile in my heart that I got to be a part of J's life and death.