Life just sucks sometimes.

Hello all,
Bravo for the great "reality check" type comments about how sometimes life does suck! I salute your grandmother for saying that sometimes we have reasons to feel sad...so if that's what we are feeling, then sometimes that seems about right. And good for your grandmother that she apparently made some positive changes in her life and moved on to feel better again! Your encouraging comments are helping me work through bad feelings about a nursing work situation yesterday which truly sucked! Thanks!

Best wishes to all!

I really appreciate this article! Yeah, my life sucks, too! But nobody wants to hear that, they just want people to be happy around them all the time. I also have chemical imbalances, a history of infertility, and a family history of mental illness. Believe it or not, the meds that have helped balance me out the most are low-dose estradiol birth control pills! I may or may not be on meds the rest of my life, I hope not, but nothing works without facing the issues and learning to work through them. I'm trying that, too, through therapy. When I first went to a therapist, I wasn't sure if I even qualified as being depressed, even though I could barely function anymore. I so admire your grandmother for staying true to herself when everyone around her was trying to dictate who she should be. Had she given in to all that, her life probably would have sucked even more.

Thanks Hal_Dol for that. I know it sucked at first but I'm giving it another try to finish up. My memory has been affected by chemo so now I am trying Giko biloba to try to get more oxygen up there in the old noggin. I believe in my dream of becoming an RN. I have a great marriage and wonderful 17 year old daughter who is sort of independent. Thank God! My husband is very supportive about my schooling. I think the reason I didn't make it last time is because I didn't absorb the literature I was supposed to. I am going to be all over it. All I have is a year left. Wish me luck.

I really agree with the original poster. Yes, you have some valid points, but...

Sometimes, life throws a curveball that can't be corrected with a sunny disposition and a forced smile. It may be true that we choose our own destiny, however we are forced to make those choices at times with the hand that we are dealt. To say that I am happy with my situation is ludicrous. To wake up with that sick feeling in my stomach knowing I face yet another day in a thankless dead-end job that may not be there by the end of the week due to layoffs ravaging the newspaper industry does not leave me with the feeling that, "Oh well, I'll force a smile and CHOOSE happiness..." To loosely quote a movie, "everyday you see me, is the worst day of my life..." (Office Space).

What the original poster said, is truer for me than anything else that I have read. My situation may suck right now. But, I saw it coming last January and enrolled in school. Hell-bent on getting into the program this next fall. Now, three quarters later, I've made HUGE strides and caught up with students that were many quarters ahead of me. Right now, it's going to suck for a bit. While I work two jobs, go to school full time, and try to maintain that high GPA. However, one day, I'll graduate and it won't suck like it has for the last 15 years.

Like the original poster said, I could easily run into the doctor, lay my life on his desk and say, "I can't deal, I need something for the epic suckfest that is my life..." He/she'd give me a pill. I could trudge on complacently for awhile. Eventually that pill wouldn't be enough and I'd have to up my dosage or move on to another pill.

You see there are two types of depressing situations here. There are physiological manifestations where chemical imbalances create a permanent problem that must be managed by introducing chemicals in an effort to balance the equation. Then there are temporary problems that cause depression for a short time but can be remedied by removing the stimulus causing the depression.

As you stated, life has created many of these stimulants. A giant mortgage, two car payments, credit card debt - mostly from trying to "Keep up with the Jones's." One cannot simply assume a smile and make depression go away. What you can do, is look deep inside yourself and decide if you have the mettle to go back to school or increase your education, move away from the low-paying dead-end job that won't allow you to live life the way you want to. Enter a new field or continue your education so that you can command the paycheck that allows you to live life the way you want to. That's fighting fire with fire. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Resolving the situation all together.

Kudos to both of you for speaking up. For some of us, regardless of whether or not we created our own situation, simply assuming a smile and believing in sunshine in happiness isn't going to cut it.

This story is a tribute to one very strong lady. Let's make that two strong ladies. You have put into words what is wrong with many people's lives today, and have shed light on another way to view our lives and how we go about living them. Thanks for the wake-up call!

Wonderful !! You found the "answer". Jesus Christ in a life brings the peace that passes all understanding !!

I liked the story. It's funny. I was hospitalized when I was 16 for a month (till insurance ran out). What I learned from that experience was that my homelife was completely insane and lacking stability. (And in many ways sucked). Now, I realize there are times that I just get depressed (reading the news). There are times I know I'm depressed for a hormonal problem (every time I remove the nuva ring to get my period).

When I saw a new doctor, she had me fill out all of the paperwork and new patient questions. One of the questions was "have you ever felt suicidal". I just checked yes, since, hasn't everyone? She seemed very concerned with it (not me). I asked her if she was ever suicidal, and she said "no". Honestly, I just don't trust her. I can't believe someone has never felt suicidal. I always figured it was just a "one of those days" feelings.

I also decided that 1:1 therapy is probably not useful, as I'd just end up "playing the game". Group therapy (AA for a few years) was probably beneficial. But, as time passes, I think I'm just fine (with my occasional bouts of happy or sad).

:scrm:

For narno7:
I'm glad that Jesus healed you. I, too, have a relationship with Christ, and have for 23 years now. However, he has chosen to use doctors, therapists, and medications to help me. Maybe that keeps me seeking him, I don't know. I do know that I do indeed suffer from psych problems, and I have to take meds every day, but my relationship with Jesus is stronger than ever. Psychiatric illnesses are not a sin, and are not necessarily caused by sin or by not knowing Jesus. They are not always healed by knowing Jesus. But my life has definitely been made much richer and better and more meaningful knowing him, and he helps me cope with my issues. I appreciate your message, and I am not trying to be negative in any way. I just wanted to say that sometimes he does not cure us from depression and other illnesses, for reasons we may never know, but he is always there to help us through it. My darkest hours have turned out to be my times of greatest growth.

How did I miss this, otherwise I woulda given you a great big amen, that has been my experience! Betta than 20 yrs of medication experimentation and counseling! Coolness thanks for posting!!

There are no accidents in this life, I believe that. I also believe for every trial, every tear, there is a purpose- one I might never understand in this life, but it is there nevertheless. Just because we do not have answers to our struggles does mean they do not exist- that is the stuff of Faith. My Faith as a God-fearing, Christ loving human is the thing that keeps me believing during the hard times- and believe me, I have been in the center of a very dark place for the past six months. Call it depression, call it a bad situation, give it whatever name you want- but life has been so hard for me. I'm not going to give specifics, but my new job started the spiral downward and it has yet to stop. Put that on top of a move to a new state away from all our family with a loving husband and three great kids who are depending on mom to be on her "A" game with all the changes afoot, and you have a recipe for depression. But it has really been about my new nursing job that has pushed me to the limits of my kindness, compassion and human decency.

I have a long history of panic attacks/OCD that began early in childhood. As unusual as it sounds, I had a blessed family who adored me as their only child, adopted at the age of 1 month- a miracle!! There was no good reason for me to have irrational fears about my health, about being abandoned, about being ugly and unwanted. There were no good reasons for me to HATE nighttime, to be afraid of thinking of something scary that would send me into an abyss of fear. We didn't have the terminology then, in the late 1970's or 1980's for those symptoms in a child, but we certainly do today and thank heaven for them. Giving a name to the fears I kept hidden in my closet for almost 2 decades helped me realize I was not alone, and even better, was not crazy either! I have OCD/panic disorder- almost down to the ICD-9 description. The bad news was treating my disease would mean medication for the rest of my life- and I am okay with that. I fully believe God is healing me through the expertise of the excellent physicians I rely upon and collaborate with on my care. I thought all was well and good and nothing would ever shake my mental stability again- until....

The job. The new job in a new hospital in a new state with a new framework for patient care different from the 15 years I had spent in one of the best Pediatric institutions in the country. The new job meant new scheduling- working night shift- something I had not done in 15 years. But I love challenges and changes, and I didn't even give it a thought that all this change might not be so great, with my wonderful, quirky mind and the way it works.
There was only one way to say it- it was a disaster. Working nights rekindled all my fears from my childhood, inexpliciably, execpt for the fact I was placed in the coldest, unfriendliest unit one could ever imagine. I would go for 8,10,12 hours with no one speaking to me. I would always be in the isolation rooms, away from every person, in the total darkness, except for my little patients, who kept me calm knowing they were depending on me to care for them. It was the darkest hell I have ever endured, believe me and unfortunately, I am still there.

What has floored me about this experience is how quickly depression claimed me for its own, situational though it might be. It was as if all the confidence and joy I had in life before the job change just was sucked out of me. It has been replaced by self-doubt, fear for the future and a lack of confidence in the things I KNOW I do well- I am an excellent, competent nurse. But this experience has been so bad, it has kept me from pursuing other available opportunities out of fear- "what if it could be worse than even this?" And nothing is more paralyzing than the fear of the unknown.

I will say that had it not been for the mediations I take daily, I'm not sure where I would be today. Also, receiving the tenderest love and support from my precious husband carries me though when I don't think I can do another shift, knowing at home he is on his knees lifting my name in prayer to Christ. They remind me that even during the darkest part of the night, there is always a sunrise without fail.

So, I wish I could shout with some of my friends, "I'm healed today." The reality is, I am not healed. But I have been given a rich promise, "Therefore, my dearest daughter whom I know by name, I will never leave you, I will never forsake you."

I am known by Name. And for now, that will be enough, dear ones.


Selah and Godspeed