Foley Fiasco!!

As I was thinking back over the years of funny stories I've lived as a nurse, two immediately popped into my mind, so I put them on paper.

I had been a nurse for about a year, and I had placed many catheters in women, but never in a man. Well, my luck ran out one day, and I had an 84 year old gentleman needing a catheter. I got all the needed paraphernalia, went over the procedure in my mind and explained the procedure to the patient. I was acutely aware of how men "respect" their penis's, so I tentatively held his penis and began to insert the catheter.

After several attempts, and moans and groans from the poor patient, I realized I wasn't going to get past his prostate, I apologized profusely to this gentleman, then I went to the nurses station and explained my dilemma to the charge nurse. She look at me and with a big sigh and said "Come on, let's see what your doing wrong!"

We entered the patient's room, I opened the new catheter, and tentatively took his penis in my right hand while attempting the insertion with my left. After a few moments, the charge nurse deadpanned, as she grabbed for his penis, "For goodness sake, hold it like you know what to do with it!" The catheter slid right in.

Since that day, I have not been able to put a catheter in a male without chuckling and a smile on my face! I've noticed that a smile and chuckle makes men even more "self conscious" about their "package" thanks a bunch Linda!

I have one more foley story, this one involves a very large woman, 1200 pounds to be exact. She was admitted for SOB and numerous other reasons. The nursing students had her one day, which the floor nurses and the aid were more than pleased to allow. The doctor wrote an order for a foley catheter to be placed, as her bottom was so excoriated. The clinical instructor quietly came up to the charge nurse and timidly said "I haven't put a catheter in a woman in a long time, I'm afraid I'll miss, that would embarrass me in front of my students, would you put it in for me?" It should be noted that "Cindy" was once our clinical instructor.

My good friend Ann, ever a wise guy, wasn't about to be talked into that one while she was in charge, she said, "Cindy", it takes two people to hold up one breast just to wash under it. It takes two people to hold up her numerous belly folds just to clean under them too. It will take 4 people to put in her foley, one to each hold a leg, another to hold her vulva open and a 4th to put in the foley". Cindy said "yes, and I'm afraid I'll miss or something worse will happen." Ann said "Nothing worse will happen, don't worry Cindy, we'll tie a rope around your ankles and pull you out if you get stuck!! I laughed so hard I thought I would wet myself!!

Hey, gotta find humor wherever you can!