From the Other Side of the Bed Rails - When the Nurse Becomes the Patient

[tnbutterfly - Mary]

I looked around at the people in the waiting room, wondering... what's wrong with that lady? Does she have cancer? Poor thing. Then I thought... Gee... Maybe she's wondering the same thing about me. I wanted to reassure her that I was not really sick... just something wrong with my blood. I don't have cancer... nothing that bad... But what do I have? I have been asking myself this for several weeks... since the day that I realized that something wasn't quite right. Then when my blood tests came back abnormal and my primary care physician referred me to a hematologist.... who just happens to be an oncologist... that just seemed very strange. Hey... I am the one who helps other people deal with this kind of information. But now it's me.

The nurse who took me back to the room was very nice. In fact, everyone was very nice. Very soft spoken and reassuring. Again, I wanted to tell them... I'm not sick... not really. Not like the other patients. But still, I wondered...  what will they find out is wrong with me? Oh... it's probably nothing. Nothing really bad... or at least I hope and pray. Prayer... been doing a whole lot of that lately. Oh I always pray.... but it's usually for other people.

Then came the questions. Oh I hope I remember to tell him everything. What was that he just said? Hmmm... I'm having trouble remembering the order in which things happened. I hope I don't sound like an idiot. I am a nurse and should know this stuff. Oh yeah... I remember reading about that when I was googling things trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Good thing I brought my notebook with my list of questions. Now why did he ask that? Does he think I have that? Oh my. He wants to order what test? Why? When will I get the results...

Then I was ushered to the lab. Again... the lab tech was very nice and reassuring. But when I saw all of the vials that she was going to fill with my blood... I did get a little queasy. The tourniquet felt tight... I turned my head. Ouch..... it did pinch a bit. How long is this going to take? Sure... I'm fine. I would sure be embarrassed if I fainted. I have to go where to get what other test? Why? Where exactly do I go? When? OK. Come back in 3 weeks? Seems like a long time to wait. OK. Sure that date is fine. Wonder what I'll find out then?

This is not the first time I have been on the receiving end of medical care... on the other side of the bed rails, so to speak. Each time, I learn something new... something I can use to make me a better nurse... treating others as I would wish to be treated. Today, I realized how much a reassuring and caring voice means to a patient who may be afraid of what they might hear or what they might experience. It might seem like a small thing when we as nurses take a few more minutes to offer compassionate caring... to meet the emotional needs of the patient... but to the patient, it helps alleviate some of the worries and fears, thereby lowering the stress level. While we can't always offer a solution or reason why things are happening, we can always take the time to show genuine compassion.

To read more articles, go to my AN blog: Body, Mind, and Soul, Be the Nurse You Would Want as a Patient, From the Other Side of the Bed Rails - When the Nurse Becomes the Patient

[niteowlrn29]

ms. tnbutterfly, this quote is beautiful! would love to adopt this one

"All experiences......good and bad.... hold lessons to be learned. Unpleasant ones seem to be fertile soil that, when worked correctly, can produce the beautiful flowers of humbleness, compassion, empathy, hope, and love. "

(can't figure out how to actually use the quote message in reply, it won't work for me)

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

I'm not a nurse yet.. but.. I have experienced this. I'm a CNA currently.

I don't want to go on about this because if I start I won't be able to stop...but.. my grandmother passed away October 27th last year of pancreatic cancer. I walked into her room and she was wet. It made me very angry. Knowing my grandmother was dying of cancer while sitting in her own urine made me livid. I became one of those family members that harp on the patient and "nag" the nurses constantly. Of course it was unrealistic to expect my grandmother to always be dry, etc...but... when it's YOUR grandmother it's different. I have more patience because of it now. I'm not currently working as I am dedicating myself full-time to my education, but when I do go back and there are remarks made about the "overbearing" family members in the lunch room I will remember what it was like to be one. I will also strive harder to ensure that my patients are ALWAYS dry. It seemed like I had difficulty getting the hospice nurses to get someone to change my grandmother as well. I will not be a nurse who has to find the CNA in order to get my patient changed. I will be right there changing them myself!!

Just my

Really miss my grandmother.....

Thanks for sharing the story about your grandmother. I'm sorry this happened.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

ms. tnbutterfly, this quote is beautiful! would love to adopt this one

"All experiences......good and bad.... hold lessons to be learned. Unpleasant ones seem to be fertile soil that, when worked correctly, can produce the beautiful flowers of humbleness, compassion, empathy, hope, and love. "

(can't figure out how to actually use the quote message in reply, it won't work for me)

Thank you!

To quote a post, just click on the Quote box in the lower right hand corner of the post you want to quote. A new box will pop up. Just post there and press "Submit Reply" below the box. Let me know if you need further assistance.

[lamazeteacher]

I hope you will read Elizabeth Kubler=Ross's books about Death and Dying, TNButterfly. In the stages of grief, you'll recognize where you are with yours. I'd say anger and depression, from your posts - which is fine!

Be careful about keeping your goal (of keeping your patients dry) from being urged too strenuously upon others with whom you work. If they sense your anger when they haven't kept up with diaper/bed changes, your work could actually suffer, and your patients will too. Priorities might change things. Intolerance breeds exactly that.

I'm not saying that patients' needs for intact skin aren't important. What I am saying, is that you'll find that there are other things that need immediate attention - like pain meds, IV fluid and medication maintainance, regular meds, and patients' dates with the O.R.

What experienced nurses know (and I'm one, having worked for 48 years), is that families that harp on nursing care deficits, are expressing their wish that circumstances for themselves and their loved one, could be different..... That's called "denial" and it's on the road to "acceptance"; and it's essential that families (and the patient) go through that.

What's inappropriate and all too often seen, is the reaction of nursing staff who don't realize what's happening and become angry themselves. That's when diaper/bed changes become even more infrequent, and grumbling about unrealistic family members happens. It seems that they're unduly pressured, and have little concern about the "other side of the bed".

Until you've been through the death of a close friend or family member, it's hard to figure what all the fuss is about. You've been through it. Now you need to learn what the real issues are for your patients and their family members and close friends.

[mustanggirl]

Thank you so much for this blog. Unfortunately over the past few years I have had many experiences with being a patient. First when our daughter was born early and in the NICU (she's doing great now, thank you everyone for all her great care) and currently during treatment for stage 3 breast cancer. I'll never forget some of the experiences I have had, that have made me realize how blessed I am. If anything cancer has made me more thankful and aware of all of the wonderful people in my life.

It is kind of surreal to take care of a patient at work one day, then have them recognize you in the waiting room with them the next day. I admitted to patients that I had cancer when asked hoping that maybe it may be reassuring to see someone going on with life during treatment (trying to keep as normal as possible). I have found being a nurse almost has made me able to avert some of my anxiety by almost looking as myself as a patient and focusing on the treatment at hand. It was reassuring to know and work with the physicians taking care of me and the nurses that were with me during my surgery experinces, but I can only imagine how scary and out of control it must be to be a patient when not having any experience with the healthcare system and not seeing familiar faces taking care of you. Sometimes it seems that the strangest things happen to healthcare workers and their families when they are patients!

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

mustanggirl......Thanks so much for sharing your story. I especially like this quote...

I can only imagine how scary and out of control it must be to be a patient when not having any experience with the healthcare system and not seeing familiar faces taking care of you.

Feel free to share more of your story.

[Iris Santana]

You know I am really astounded by what you are commenting. I strive to always give the up most quality patient care . In fact I know that my standards are above average standards because I work for God Almighty. I cannot comprehend how once relatives enter the institution they wipe their responsibility for there loved one. This is not the case with all but if a family member of mine were in need of personal hygiene who better to do so than you as a family for dignity maintenance. I see nothing wrong with caregiver participation so long as they are not disabled and will not be affected by caring for their loved ones. In fact I promote it since once their loved one is gone they may ponder back and say well I know I did what I had to do to make my loved one comfortable before they died and then they may live a good conscious life after.

[brown eyed girl]

AMEN TO THAT! I Myself just experienced this same thing at the Hematologist's office this week. I even read my own bp without listening! It's kind of weird, but cool cause to a certain extent, you're already an "informed patient." Good Job!

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

AMEN TO THAT! I Myself just experienced this same thing at the Hematologist's office this week. I even read my own bp without listening! It's kind of weird, but cool cause to a certain extent, you're already an "informed patient." Good Job!

Thanks for sharing. I agree......being an informed patient is a very good thing. I was hospitalized a few weeks ago and being an informed patient was very helpful. I knew what the drug of choice was for my condition but also knew that I had a bad reaction the last time that drug was administered. They had to change their plan of care....but I avoided having another bad experience.

[ambosseLPN]

I can relate with you. Right after Thanksgiving I began hemmorhaging at home (I was 9 1/2 wks post partum). Went to the ER thinking something very minor. Left with the possibility of cancer. After a week of waiting...Waiting is much easier when your explaining it to your patient, but when your on the other end...it feels like forever. So after a week of waiting for my path results...the verdict was in. I indeed had cancer, not just any cancer, Choriocarcinoma. A very rare, aggressive and fast spreading cancer. So now I was the pt sitting in the office... nervous, nauseas and scared of "the sit down" discussion about my near future. It was very awkward walking into the Oncologist office. There's a very positive, soft ora within an oncologist office. Everyone is so kind, smiley, and willing to talk. All I could think about is the worst case scenario. The nurse took me back to a room.. very friendly. Placed me in a room and reassured me that the doctor would be right in...all I could think was "yeah right" thats what they have to say...been there done that. Not even 5 minutes later, a knock at the door. The doctor...ready to lay all my cards on the table. So not only do I have cancer...its stage 3...oh and spread to my right lung. Not only am I only 23 years old. I have 2 small children, ages 3 years old and now 4 months old. Just got married this year, graduated nursing school a year ago and just bought a brand new house. So this news was earth shattering to me. The doctor was very sympathetic and tried to comfort me...I'd much rather be the nurse trying to comfort the pt rather then the pt receiving this news. So now after many hospital stays, outpatient chemo days, and two procedures. I now feel like more of a patient, rather than a nurse. I had to put my career on hold for now to take care of myself.

So I relate to being on the other side of the bed rails...and I believe it will help me become a better nurse.

God Bless!

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

ambosseLPN.....Thanks so much for sharing your story. You have been through quite an ordeal.....very scary. Bless your heart......so young with little ones. Focus on the positives......I know those are hard to see at times. Please let us know how you are doing. Writing about your experience can be therapeutic. May God bless you as well......may you feel His loving presence.

[ambosseLPN]

Thank you tnbutterfly!