Bullies

[hockeyluv71]

I am being bullied at work and I just don't know what to do. It's to the point it's affecting my health. A coworker (our board runner) befriended me, for me to find out she just wanted to find my weaknesses, and she's managed to turn everyone in my area against me. She does our assignments so everyone's deserted me for fear of her. I get talked about and ignored. No one helps me admit patients and leaves me alone in procedure rooms with patients.

I'm a very experienced, compassionate, good nurse. I am very well liked by the doctors and at one time by all the staff. She is very abrasive and rude to other depts and to pts and families. She told me she was going thru so much when she was pretending to be my friend. I started to trust her and confided in her (big mistake) I even got her started running. I used to be an avid runner till I started getting sick all the time

She told me I am too nice and forgive everyone. That really hurt me. So I told her that's just the way I was raised. After that she had taken some days off and I had to run the board. I got many compliments. Well when she returned she stopped speaking to me. Would just be rude to me. Give me bad assignments. I got sick and while I was out I guess she managed to bad mouth me. Over a period of time she's managed to spread ill rumours and turn everyone against me. I get sick often now. All with doctors notes. True illnesses. I feel sick before I go to work and I worry. I just get the silent treatment. It's so hard cause I had no friends outside of work. Now no one calls or talks to me, during or after work. If people are at the desk socializing with her and i try to join she sends me to do a crappy assignment .Feeling very sad, isolated and alone. I cry a lot. Especially with the holidays being here.

The docs even notice the change The docs noticed that I just keep to myself and look very sad

I can't sleep at night

I just have no idea what I've done wrong. I work hard when I am there. I stay late. I still help others despite being shunned and ignored.

I over heard people in a room talking very ugly about me. Making fun. It just really hurts. Makes it hard to go to work anymore. It's ruined my confidence and my health is suffering

[nurseywifeymommy1]

You seem really sad and I'm sorry ur going thru this. Stay strong & brave. The winds will blow a different way. Good luck to u.

[TootieCutie]

I agree with all of those that are advising you to go to HR. HR needs to know, if they don't already, and should be able to help you. However, I have been in similar situations. It's very difficult to "ignore the situation and do your job", or to suck it up and be "assertive". Or to wait for HR to do something about it and for the calm and professional respect to return. I decided that, even though I may love my job, that type of stress is not tolerable and I will not put myself through it again, trying to "be strong". My blood pressure was getting high, I hated going in, I was having migraines, I was having trouble focusing, I was unhappy at work and at home. It was effecting every aspect of my life. The day I resigned I could take no more. I sat at my desk and typed my resignation. I handed it to my supervisor, who was the head bully. She actually sat at my desk and cried, bc she didn't know what she was going to do about a certain situation without me. So I told her that was now her problem. If she hadn't been so ugly to me and passive aggressive, I would not be leaving. As a manager, the company did not want me to work out my notice, so I packed and left that day. Now she, and several others there, are sorry. What goes around, comes around.

Start looking for another job and emphasize to the hiring manager that you are not only looking for a job you love, but an atmosphere that is mature and professional. Move on. The bully, and everyone else, will realize after you are gone that she has actually lost, not won, by pushing out a valuable and compassionate employee. It's not worth risking your health or your sanity. You deserve to be happy and respected. You can find that somewhere else.

I'm surprised that no one else advised that you leave. Sometimes a negative culture is so insidious that you will never be able to change it. So change what you can, take control of your life and move on. That may be the change that you need.

Good luck!

[goalienrse]

I would try to transfer to another unit or maybe look for employment elsewhere. But thats me and a very personal decision you would have to make.

But I do know what that can be like and ignoring it can be easier said than done and HR can sometimes make the tension worse. Nurses can be brutal sometimes, for no reason. Plus if people are out to get you than a witch hunt on your job performance can happen and they can make you look bad making mountains out of mole hillls.

Good luck. You have to do what you think is best, listen to you gut.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

hockeyluv71,

I am not a nurse yet but I totally understand where you're coming from. Where I work, we had a new employee come in. Her and I started off friendly and seemed like we were "clicking". Push comes to shove and she decides she doesn't like me. So, because she didn't like me, that meant the rest of our co-workers couldn't. She went on what seemed like a crusade to indoctrinate other people against me. Every time she heard something went wrong, she would eagerly ask if I was the guilty party for messing something up. And I am known in the office for being great at my job. I get glowing performance appraisals every year and have been told by management I am the "go to" person for just about everything. She literally wanted to see me fail and did just about everything possible to make me feel excluded. Just all around petty! She even said I supposedly wear high heals so I can "be like her". Who says stupid crap like that and honestly believes it besides 6th graders? That was just the tip of the iceberg.

When a new employee came on staff, she made sure this person was against me, too. After this dreaded co-worker left, this new employee told me everything this girl said about me which kind of raised some questions in my head. It seemed like it was finally "okay" in this girl's mind to speak to me because this woman was finally gone. Not cool in my book. Like you, I am a nice person and am forgiving. Fact is, not everyone is nice. Some women (and men) derive pleasure in hurting other people and love the control they gain when they can sabotage your reputation and indoctrinate others against you. I think many women don't see what they're doing as wrong.

I am so sorry you had to go through this. Hang in there and remember to never ever define your value as a person based on what others think. You are special, lovely, and wonderful... No matter what anyone else says!

[weemsp]

This all sounds like childish, schoolyard antics to me. These are educated professionals...behaving this way?

I know it's easy to form a judgement based on the information we read. But we also know that a miserable work environment has a large effect on us. ( think about it...it's where we spend most of our time)

My method was the following...( after a nasty co-worker ATTEMPTED these same immature antics)...I ignored and perservered for several months. And in all honesty, I didn't let it affect my well-being. But it came to a point where I thought " NO MORE! This is BS!"

As we were about to start narc shift counts...I stood directly in front of her ( close enough for her to not turn away) and I firmly asked her if there was a problem? And if there isn't...then she will NEVER speak to me in that manner again!!...and if she continued...we would have an issue for management, HR and union rep. to get in on.

Sometimes...a bully will only be a bully if they can get away with it!! School yard or nursing unit!!

P.S...it never happened again!!...and we became good work mates!

Take control of your position as a team member...you can do it!

[hockeyluv71]

Just wanted to thank everyone's advice. Even the tough love!

I moved on

Regained my sanity and I'm tougher for it. I learned from this

It was rough but important thing is to learn and to be strong

But thanks again to all my nursing peers

Keep on keeping on!