Dear Nurse Beth,
After much wrangling, and "figuring things out" I finally settled on a BSN program that I think is right for me.
What is more discovering my grades were competitive, if not overly impressive for the program was a pleasant surprise.
I apply in the fall, and I am hoping for a spring start. They have rolling admission, and starts in the spring another thing I like about ResU. I will be applying to multiple programs because of the competitiveness of nursing school, but I honestly have my heart set on ResU.
I am so far away from being a nurse. Right now taking 4 classes, and working part time I am doing fairly well. 88.5 in micro, 89.5 in gen chem, 98 in A and P, and 80 in humanities. I hate the humanities really I do. More math, and science please.
My question is this. Is it even possible for me to become a nurse, and gain licensure after two psychiatric hospitalizations. My psychiatrist thinks I am doing quite well, I have spoken to lawyers, and the BON rep in my state both said I should be able to gain licensure if I earn it.
Still I worry about it. I want to be a nurse so badly, and every semester I get a little closer. I have never wanted anything so much, but I fear I will spend an enormous amount on my education only to be denied licensure because of rampant depression. My depression got so bad it lead to ideas of reference. It was untreated at the time, and I won't lie I was a wreck.
After beginning treatment for a substantial amount of time it is like life has done a 180. I am capable of things I never thought myself capable of. I put particular pride in my A and P grade.
I suppose I just want to know its possible if I earn it. I don't want to be denied the opportunity to self actualize, and that is everything I fear.I fear every day someday some way my education will be taken away from me. It haunts me to this day because it happened before. When I first fell ill with Crohn's disease..
My RBC count was at 69% I could have soon slipped into a coma. I flunked out. I have a checkered past. One I am working hard to rectify. All signs point to I still have a shot, but really it's hard to believe sometimes.
I love what I am doing, and just want the opportunity to continue. I love my classes, and I just want to not let my past define me as a person.I want to put the past in the past, and move forward with my life. I think I have done an adequate job so far. Yet everyday the fear of inadequacy creeps in. In part I am grateful for it, it drives me, but at the same time other days I feel like giving up.
I just want to have an education, have a family, send kids to college, contribute in my own way, love life, do all the normal things in life.
I am only able to attend college full time because of the support of my parents. I feel guilty, like I don't deserve to be there. Like I blew my shot, and I should get down on my knees, and go back to settling for less then what I want.
It is hard to quantify. I am deeply grateful to be there, but at the same time I want it done so I don't have to lean upon others. If that make any sense.
Thank you in advance for reading.
Dear Feels Inadequate,
Congrats on your progress so far, future RN.
There are never any guarantees that the State Board will grant an RN license at time of application (which is after you’ve completed nursing school) when there are mental health issues and/or criminal records in your past. Acceptance into nursing school does not come with pre-approval to take state boards (NCLEX)- that is a separate process.
For me to say “You’re a different person, your depression is controlled, there shouldn’t be a problem” would be irresponsible.
It will depend on if the State Board of nursing determines that you are safe to provide patient care and that your mental illness is treated to their satisfaction. Having been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital or behavioral unit does not in and of itself disqualify you.
I would be prepared with letters to present to the board from your doctors speaking to your recovery and functionality. By that time, you will have completed nursing school, and your clinical instructors can also testify to your aptitude .
Stay focused on today, and do not overwhelm yourself with unmanageable work/school loads. You need to learn to manage your worry (and anxiety if it is anxiety) about future events you have no control over. You need all your energy directed towards school, and if you allow the negativity to overtake you, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
You also say you feel unworthy. If you have not had any counseling, I highly recommend it. You will learn to think more clearly. Some assumptions you hold that lead you to feel unworthy will be challenged. It’s more common that you think for people to feel “less than”. You are not alone. You will also learn some healthy coping mechanisms for your worrying tendencies.
You are to be commended for your journey. The best nurses are healed helpers, as they say.
My Very Best,
Apr 27, '16
Why are you opening a whole new can of worms by contacting the BON. I have a psychiatrist history as well, but I certainly didn't want to involve the BON into my life until I needed to. Personally, the less contract with the BON I have, the better off I am. Just do your job and keep quiet about it. Trust me. Others will not give you sympathy or give you special treatment due to your "psychology history". Just about all the nurses I know have psychiatric issues. Very few don't. I wouldn't go around wearing it like a badge of courage. Not trying to be mean, I've been a nurse for 13 years.
Last edit by Kellorn on Apr 27, '16
: Reason: forgot a sentence