Just to give a little background... I have a history of clinical depression, well-controlled for over a year with Celexa. However - when my husband and I first got married, I wanted to be a good Catholic girl and try natural family planning - the inevitable happened, and I had a TAB just before Christmas
For the past few months, I've had moderate - severe anxiety attacks in the evenings, usually about the idea of EVER getting pregnant (not likely on Depo-Provera).... I realised today that I'm more worried about being one of the 0.3% failure rate than being among 1 in 3 women who will get cancer.
I work three to eleven pm right now... and I had a bad attack today at about half past one. Usually I end up turning to alcohol just to calm myself down and get my heart rate out of the 130s... Today I called in to work, as there wasn't any way I'd go in, even having had just a little drink. I guess I just need advice and support, mainly about redirecting my thinking when it starts to fly off the handle. Today's problem was precipitated by an innocent remark.. my husband noted that if we move out of our apartment next year, it would likely be into a two-bedroom place. Not many one-bedrooms in my town. I think I was having the bizarre thought that God would see that we have an extra bedroom and cause my contraception to fail. I'm afraid, also, that it will fail through some form of divine retribution.