Hey everyone. A quick back story on me: I'm 32, I'm married, I have two children here and one in Heaven, and I'm currently a surgical technologist (in a sterile processing role). I was accepted into nursing school two years ago and found out I was pregnant so I withdrew. I was a high risk pregnancy and this new pregnancy was following a full term stillbirth so I knew I wouldn't be able to handle school and being pregnant. My youngest was born healthy and I developed a SEVERE case of postpartum anxiety.
Fast forward 17 months: I got accepted into nursing school again and I thought I was over the PPA so I weaned off my meds (Buspar and Effexor). I started school 2 weeks ago and on week 2 I had a terrible panic attack revolving around the stress of nursing school. The aftershocks of it made my thoughts spiral downward so negatively. "What am i even doing trying to be a nurse? What if i freeze up during check offs?
Im gonna look so stupid." Fear of failure etc, etc. I had been off the medicine for about 6 weeks at this point. Back to the pyschiatrist, back on the medicine.
The conclusion is it looks like I have an anxiety disorder. I *almost* considered quitting school last week because it's obviously the source of my stress. Somehow, even in what I felt like was crisis mode, I put one foot in front of the other and made it through last week. I've been on the medicine now for almost a week and I'm already feeling much better but the anxiety is coming in waves.
Are there any nurses that work competently with an anxiety disorder? I feel like I've failed before I've even really begun. I understand every person is different but any hope would be greatly appreciated. I've decided that I'm not going to quit, but try my hardest and pray not to fail.
Thanks in advance y'all.
First, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Good for you for getting back on your medications. You can do this, stay on your medications and keep regular appointments with your Psychiatrist. There is no reason you cannot do this.
What I read here was not the post of someone who will fail, but of someone who is very self-aware and will succeed. You have already shown that you can make tough decisions (withdrawing from school because of the pregnancy) and then recognizing that being off your medication wasn't a good choice. These are all great qualities and already showing that you have the propensity to succeed.
As for nursing school causing additional stress and anxiety... well this is for everyone. Since you have a preexisting condition, I am sure it is worse for you. School is going to be a non-stop stress fest, I won't lie there. I just graduated nursing school and even though I was in a part-time program, it was still difficult at the best times and down right life shattering at the worst. The key is that you know how to pick yourself up when those times are life shattering (like when you fail an exam or worse a class), and how to self-care the rest of the time. Having non-prescription ways to help with your anxiety is going to help a lot and you HAVE to make time for them. walks, long baths, reading books that aren't textbooks, even playing candy crush (or whatever) as distraction, meditation, yoga, running. find something that works for you and make it a regular part of your life the same way you make taking medications a part of your life.
Don't just pray not to fail, actively make sure you don't; you CAN do this!