Hey everyone. A quick back story on me: I'm 32, I'm married, I have two children here and one in Heaven, and I'm currently a surgical technologist (in a sterile processing role). I was accepted into nursing school
two years ago and found out I was pregnant so I withdrew. I was a high risk pregnancy and this new pregnancy was following a full term stillbirth so I knew I wouldn't be able to handle school and being pregnant. My youngest was born healthy and I developed a SEVERE case of postpartum anxiety.
Fast forward 17 months: I got accepted into nursing school again and I thought I was over the PPA so I weaned off my meds (Buspar and Effexor). I started school 2 weeks ago and on week 2 I had a terrible panic attack revolving around the stress of nursing school. The aftershocks of it made my thoughts spiral downward so negatively. "What am i even doing trying to be a nurse? What if i freeze up during check offs?
Im gonna look so stupid." Fear of failure etc, etc. I had been off the medicine for about 6 weeks at this point. Back to the pyschiatrist, back on the medicine.
The conclusion is it looks like I have an anxiety disorder. I *almost* considered quitting school last week because it's obviously the source of my stress. Somehow, even in what I felt like was crisis mode, I put one foot in front of the other and made it through last week. I've been on the medicine now for almost a week and I'm already feeling much better but the anxiety is coming in waves.
Are there any nurses that work competently with an anxiety disorder? I feel like I've failed before I've even really begun. I understand every person is different but any hope would be greatly appreciated. I've decided that I'm not going to quit, but try my hardest and pray not to fail.
Thanks in advance y'all.