Anyone ever feel lonely? (a little depressing)

  1. Hey everyone...
    I hope this is the right forum to post this. Is it just me, or does anyone ever feel lonely? This is something i feel on a regular basis and dont know what to do about it.. Its so frustrating because i always feel so alone. I dont have many friends, and i guess i just dont know why. I think i'm a giving, nice person, and in general, just a normal person. I guess what i mean to say is, is i dont get why i dont have friends really. But i notice a common pattern in most of my relationships-- i get used a lot. Example: this classmate of mine would call me nonstop during the semester needing constant help on the most rediculous stuff, but now that summer's here, she barely even answers a text message ( she would call me i would say about 5 times in an hour and talk about BS the entire time and shes 10 years older) Im just really frustrated and wonder if things will ever get better. There's so much to say but i dont even feel like typing. This is how ive felt most of my life and i dont think i will ever get it. I always wonder what am i doing wrong or how should i change, but at the same time, i feel that im generous and likeable. Im really just a normal person. Thats the best way i can describe myself. Anyone have trouble having friends? I hate feeling so alone.
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   carluvscats
    I don't really have any good advice for you. I think we all feel lonely at times; it's just human nature, and circumstances (a move, a job change, school etc.) can magnify that loneliness even more. I would hope your loneliness is transitory, but your post indicates you've felt that way your entire life. I'd say that something needs to change (join a club.....church....dart league, whatever) , but only you can figure that out. I wish it were easier.

    One thing I know for certain is that some people mistake kindness for weakness. It might be why you feel used a lot of the time. Just run far far away from those kinds of people.....you are worth being loved for exactly who you are and not for how you make others feel or what you can do for them.

    I can bet there are people out there who will accept and appreciate you for who you are. I wish I could send them to your door right now!

    (((((((((( hugs ))))))))))
  4. by   ERsn
    Thank you carluvscats,
    You're so nice
    I think you're definitely right about people mistaking kindness for weakness... i was thinking the same thing a couple days ago.
    Thank you again!!
  5. by   Scrubby
    I am really sorry that you're feeling this way. I too feel very alone sometimes because most of my friends have moved away/have families of their own and I've kind of fallen into this routine where I don't feel like doing much when I'm home from work-too exhausted!

    Regarding you feeling used up, yeah some people are just users. Often I don't think they don't realise that they are using people and sucking them dry emotionally. I think sometimes you just have to walk away from these types of people otherwise you'll end up being the one who gives all the time and gain nothing in return.

    My advice is to find an interest and join a social group to meet different people with a common interest. I know it's a lot harder than what it sounds but you have to just put yourself out there.
  6. by   carluvscats
    You're very welcome, Ham it up. I wish you the very best in your career!
  7. by   tencat
    YES! Have felt that way on many, many occasions. I don't know how old you are, but when I was in my early 20's I had a really bad time of it. I am extremely lucky that I have my fabulous husband and family now, and at 40 I've just accepted that it's hard for me to make friends. My best girlfriend just moved to another country, and I miss, miss, miss her! I don't know what it is about me that makes it so hard, but I've been that way all of my life, and I don't know how to change it. But I can live with it now.
  8. by   ERsn
    Thanks everyone for your posts )
    It's even more frustrating when family isn't supportive and often are the ones to blow your off and make you feel worse.

    I'm in my early 20's too, and it's not getting easier
  9. by   EmmyBee
    Quote from Ham it up
    Thanks everyone for your posts )
    It's even more frustrating when family isn't supportive and often are the ones to blow your off and make you feel worse.

    I'm in my early 20's too, and it's not getting easier
    I think we all get lonely from time to time, no matter what our situation is.

    By reading your post, it's hard to tell what kind of personality you have. You said you were nice and normal, but are you quiet? Insecure? Do you lack self-confidence?

    Since you don't have support from family, do you think speaking with a counselor or therapist would be beneficial to you? Maybe that would help you identify your weaknesses or insecurities. And once they are dealt with, your self-confidence would improve.

    Then it would be easier to strike up conversations with people. And the more interaction you have with others, the more you'll find out what things you have in common with them. That could be the beginning of new friendships for you.

    There are also various websites and self-help books that you can read up on, to help you open up and learn what works, and what doesn't, as far as making friends, building confidence, etc.

    BTW, I'm not saying that this is your problem. I'm just throwing ideas out there, in case they can be of help. Good luck to you.
  10. by   carolmaccas66
    Ham it up
    You could be me. I could have written your post.
    I too feel as if I have been used throughout my life, and I consider myself a very strong person. I've had some awful things happen to me (we all have), that only now have really started to affect me. I have family member/s who have mental illnesses & who I can't handle being around, & my family are estranged from me. So yes I do feel lonely and isolated. My family does not contact me - their choice, not mine. I have tried reconciliation but it does not work. I also gave up a lot of things, including a long-term relationship, to finish studying nursing, & have felt the whole thing was not worth it.
    However I do have an inner strength. I feel if I did not have that, I would have slashed my wrists a long time ago. I intend to try and start a lonely hearts club here in WA, to see if people just want to meet up and talk about their problems; nothing fancy. I have met many patients who often say they just want someone to talk to, or network with. And I think people have to meet face-to-face to talk, as you can get too isolated being on a computer.
    I tried a few antidepressants but they either didn't work or made me feel sick. But I'm going to see my Dr tomorrow for some advice.
    Can you get into a hobby to help you take your mind off these feelings? I am joining an art club soon, as I have not been doing anything but working & studying. Although I am a loner (I have always known that), maybe like me you have isolated yourself too much. I used to always worry re how my hair looked, what I was wearing, did I look too fat, etc ENDLESS stuff, now I think if I look OK & people don't like it, well too bad!
    How can you cultivate your inner strength? What are your strengths & what do you like? Maybe like me you could write a diary - that gets out many of my frustrated, depressive feelings. I am brainstorming but if I think of anything else I will let you know.
    Let me know how you get on anyway or email me if you need to talk. I don't mind listening to people's problems! (been working in psych lately!)
  11. by   Bubbles
    Ham it up and others
    I think if we are honest most people feel lonely at times. Just read Ann Landers, etc. And maybe we feel it more if we tend to be less outgoing. Or maybe the more outgoing among us just cover it over better. Anyway, two more suggestions - MeetUp groups - there seems to be something for everyone and if not like the poster before start a group. Also, there is a 12 step group called EA (Emotions Anonymous) which can be very helpful and supportive. Check to see if there is a group in your area.
  12. by   New.RN
    I have a very out of the box suggestion. Try ballroom dancing! I could have written your post a few years ago before I started, but now I'm different! Dancing is something that is fun and everyone looks silly doing it when they start! Try swing dancing! You actually have moves that are designed just to make others laugh. Also, people who dance for fun, love it and other dancers! it's something you can always do with other people. Those other people eventually become your friends Also, you usually don't need a partner to start! Try it!
  13. by   LookForward
    i totally can relate with your post. I am introverted, which makes it harder to make friends. I became more reclusive when I went to nursing school. Books were my constant companions. But besides that, I went to 3 schools in high school. This period in my life virtually made me forget how to form attachments with someone. I can strike up a conversation, but progressing to the friendship phase unnerves me somewhat, and makes me feel vulnerable so I become deliberately indifferent as a result (sadly).

    Have to admit that I do have self-esteem issues that need to be resolved...
    They're probably sensed by some ppl...Anyway, know that you are not alone and the right friends will come. Be wise in knowing who these are, and never compromise them for something superficial or fleeting....
    But ultimately, i think we need to love and enjoy our own company before anything else....
  14. by   carolmaccas66
    Hey Ham it Up
    How you going? I was thinking about you, pls post something so we know you are OK.
    Message me if you want to and I will reply (still learning how to use this system though so hope I can!)

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