I am nurse in my first year as an RN, and I have ADHD "Severe Type" (according to the Duke ADHD Program). I have been suffering from crippling anxiety on the job. I go into the bathroom to cry and often have panic attacks where I find it difficult to stop hyperventilating and my chest and throat get sore from it. My face gets awfully red and it takes me so long to calm down and just stop crying uncontrollably. I have horrible self esteem problems and feel like I suck at my job because I am horrible with time management. The other day, I didnt even have a chance to sit down and chart anything until after 5pm. I hate where I am working, because I feel that the patient load is too intense for me, and EVERY patient on my unit has pain management issues. I dont know how much more of this I can take. I spend my days off worrying about how the next day at work is going to go, and I cry and cry and call myself stupid when I know that I deserve to feel better about myself and not abuse myself like this. I don't know where else to turn. I want to find a different job, but my management wants to work with me to help me improve my organization. I just want to get the hell out of the place and get an office position. I feel a lot better already after typing this, but I still feel hopeless about the future. I thought that I was going to be a great nurse, but I can't get the time management down, and then my anxiety gets the best of me. I have been safe and competent, but I am 'slow' at getting my tasks completed and charting done, and I dont see what I can do to go faster.
Any advice and prayers of support is appreciated.