Favorite Nursing Sayings, Quotes, Jokes.....

softrbreeze · Dec 6, 2012

My colleagues and I are always joking about pt/cg expectations. We work in hospice so we come across a lot of families where the pt has received all the treatment they can get and they are still dying, but the family (usually the pt is tired of the "treatment" at that point anyway and just wants to die peacefully) are still wanting a miracle. So we kid (amongst ourselves) that we left our "magic wand" in the car or lost it, etc. We love our patients and families, but unreasonable expectations are fairly frequent so we educate, educate, educate! Sometimes we even have to educate other nurses and doctors!

somenurse · Dec 6, 2012

Well, this isn't really a saying,

but, i am named Jean, was a common name amongst my age group.

I had 2 other Jeans that i worked with, and we used to kid around, "I'll be dominant gene, you can be recessive." on and on. Lotta 'jean' jokes all day.

Once, me and another named Jean, were pulling up some guy who had slid down in his bed. He was very friendly guy, asked the one nurse, "What's your name?" She smiled and replied, "Jean".

He turned to me, and asked same thing, i smiled and replied "Jean".

He chuckled,

and i said to him, "Sir, think of alllll the times you have pulled up a pair of jeans, and now, here you are, being pulled UP by a pair of Jeans!!"

we thought it was hilarious at the time!!

T-Bird78 · Dec 6, 2012

When pts come into the office, especially new pts, and I'm attempting to get their H&P and med history, I'll say to my coworkers "Let me dust off my crystal ball" because I'm not psychic. I get so tired of pts taking "the little white pill for my blood pressure, and I've got my water pill" and our established pts saying "you tell me, you've got my chart." I like to tell the pts that their chart isn't in the ER and they need to know what they're taking--type up a list and keep it in your wallet. I also had a pt who did not like me (I mispronounced her name the first time I said it--it's got more letters in it than the alphabet) and would refuse me to do her shot and demand another nurse. I'd tell my coworkers that "the president of my fan club" was waiting on someone else. :)

echoRNC711, BSN · Dec 6, 2012

Have a little fun with your name,try introducing yourself as Uglesha and watch the pt try to keep a straight face. Works like a charm!

BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2012

If at first you don't succeed, I don't want to be your first patient:)

When someone says, "Are you a Male Nurse?" Pull front of pants out, look down, and then surprised say,"Wow, I am." or, "Yeah, last time I checked." My favorite, "No, the guy who was wearing these scrubs 'was,' but I'm from the Psych Unit, my name is Jack."

"No Boston, it would be unethical to put a 10 minute "Lock-out" on Ms. does Call Button!"

"Can I take Christmas off?"

MD: "Nurse! Wait!...Why is a rectal thermometer above your ear!"

Nurse: "CRUD! Now I remember where my pen is!"

"I don't need a beer Nurse Sue! I said a 'Butt Light!"

Two Psych patients were sitting on a park bench when a crow pooped down on them from a tree. The Nurse fearful they would freak-out said,"I'll be right back with tissue!" Patient one: That's sweet of her, but I hope she doesn't get hurt climbing the tree.

Patient two: She's a nut! That bird will be halfway out of town when she gets back!

No, this 'pain killer' shouldn't hurt your mother-in-law, but it will make her easier to tolerate:)

turnforthenurse, MSN, NP · Dec 7, 2012

Some quotes:

"To do what nobody else will do, in a way that nobody else can do, in spite of all we go through; is to be a nurse." -unknown

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived - that is to have succeeded." -Ralph Waldo Emmerson

and Confucius say: man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

:)

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Dec 7, 2012

"He who wants everything, ends up with nothing." - Brazilian Proverb

"He who directs one eye on the past, and one eye on the future, will be blinded in the present." - Author Unknown

"Nothing's better than the nurse with the purse." - Unknown

"Miracles need wings to fly." - Title of an R&B song

"Fear not those who argue but those who dodge." - Marie Ebner von Eschenbach

"An unemployed person who declines a legitimate interview is implying that he is willing to remain unemployed." - TheCommuter.

N.U.R.S.E. · Dec 8, 2012

I found a plaque with the Nurse's Ten Commandments on it

1. Thou shalt administer daily doses of compassion. 2. Thou shalt practice patience with thy patients. 3. Thou shalt remember that laughter is the best medicine. 4. Thou shalt honor thy patient's body, mind and spirit. 5.Thou shalt avoid burnout by taking good care of thyself. 6. Thou shalt check thy vital signs - a kind heart and cheerful smile. 7. Thou shalt not covet thy fellow nurse's shift 8. Thou shalt always strive to "make it all better." 9. Thou shalt follow the RX for stress RX doctors orders prayer morning, noon and night. 10. Thou shalt place thy patients in the care of the Divine Healer.

Never say I don't know let me get that information for you.

LaRoseRN · Dec 8, 2012

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." - Lord Byron

Bronte03 · Dec 26, 2012

I work nights and I often get patients who dislike being disturbed and whinge when I come in.

things like nurse I am trying to get some sleep do you have to keep waking me?? My reply is "you don't come to hospital for a rest that's for when you go home".

Or taking those endless obs during the night "I need to see if your ticker is still pumping" tends to lighten the mood somewhat.

Nurse you are so good looking "darling you are 97 years old, sight impaired to the point of not being able to move without help but I love the compliment anyway"

I am so sorry to call you but I need to go to the toilet. " Mrs M this is the 3rd time in 15 mins, I really don't think so (no UTI just lonely) however why don't I get you a bedpan or commode? No nurse I will just go to sleep now..

The endless dementia pt's who run rampant through the ward ripping their clothes off on their way home to the farm to milk the cows, or those who are in bed and screaming I just want to go to bed.. "Mr S you are in bed let's just get you settled" really? "Yes really."

Nurse stop making me laugh. "that's what I am paid for, it's far better then the garbage they fill you up with 6 times a day. Besides, it'll get you home faster.."

Nurse I have no idea where I am or why. " depending on the age of the pt I often reply with "me too, looks like we are in the same place but at least we are together" Some nights that's just the way it is.

Nurse is it time to get up now? (2300pm) can I make you a cup of tea? "No, I just need you to lie down, relax and get ready for your day nap." If only pts slept at night!

Listen up if you are going to get sick or die you cannot do it until 0716. Why?? "because I go home at 0715" On the dot I have lost quite a few pt's and as we all know the paperwork is endless.. and everyone is in the middle of handover so I can't escape..

TheBlackDogWaits · Jan 9, 2013

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -- Winston Churchill