Last edit by TazziRN on Aug 12, '08
In a word: NO.
Prayers going out for you, Tazzi. This must be an awful thing to go through........ETOH and drugs do more damage to families than everything else combined, I think.
No, you aren't a bad mom. Just one who cares that has had enough of watching someone they love throw thier life away. Love may cover a multitude of sins, but at some point everyone has to grow up and accept responsibility for thier own wants and desires. You deserve a hug!
Apr 12, '08
by Tweety, BSN
No you're not a bad mom and I think you know better than that.
I told my ex that I required sobriety in my house and he threw away ten years of our relationship to drink. It hurts, but addiction is more powerful than love sometimes.
Apr 12, '08
by llg, BSN, MSN, PhD Guide
I'm sorry to read that things are not going well with your daughter, TazziRN.
Are YOU getting any counseling at the present? It might not be the right moment for family counseling with your daughter, but it sounds as if YOU could use some professional counseling to help you get through this. ... and it might give you some additional strength and strategy suggestions to help you help your work work through the problems she has within herself and with her relationship with you.
Apr 12, '08
by canoehead, BSN
It's clear to everyone else, though it might not be to you that her statement is just an excuse. Not any more substantial than the hot air she used to speak it. I'm sorry you are going through this. She definitely needs to have and use outside counselling before this will be over.
Apr 12, '08
Hang in there. Our prayers are with you both.
Quote from canoehead
[font=book antiqua]i guess i left a tiny part out......i know it's an excuse, that there is no element of truth in it. problem is, she believes it. what hurts is that she sank low enough to use an excuse like that to get her way.
it's clear to everyone else, though it might not be to you that her statement is just an excuse. not any more substantial than the hot air she used to speak it. i'm sorry you are going through this. she definitely needs to have and use outside counselling before this will be over.
Addiction is a disease, and a very powerful one. She obviously needs much more treatment and support, but you can't blame yourself.
All you can do now is pray that one day she will come to recovery on her on.
I have been there, and it is very difficult to understand, but it is a disease.
Apr 25, '08
by cherm59, ADN
Everything is expendable when we use. I have a couple of suggestions, Al-anon, realize you are powerless over her choices, AND KNOW you are a great Mom.....Great Mom's do not enable sick children to stay sick. Sounds like you to me! I had a Great Mom and I am clean and sober 6 years......Prayers going up for you and your family
Tazzi, try Al-Anon. I started going 3 years ago to "help" my alcoholic and I keep going now to help myself. As health care professionals, we're so good at taking care of everyone else except ourselves. You may not share the same circumstances as other group members, but we've all been similarly affected by the disease of addiction. I've learned alot about myself that's helped me in both my personal and professional life. I can't recommend it enough!!
Apr 25, '08
Tazzi, remember when we're using drugs/ETOH or wanting to get loaded we'll "use" any excuse-doesn't matter who or how low it is! The drugs or ETOH are our most important goal, not feelings of others! Can't imagine what it's like when it's your daughter but I have to distance myself from all my family because they are all active in the disease process-it's hard but I "use" my AA family as my own! That's our choice and I never want to go back there so in the interim I stay away and pray for them everyday! Hang in there and know that there are others that are praying for you and your daughter!
Apr 30, '08
Tazzi, you have my prayers and thoughts. You are NOT a bad mom. You are practicing tough love. You have to put your own sobriety first! Plus, you are being a good example to her (even though she doesn't admit it yet) Please try Al-anon or Nar anon for some help, understanding, and support. It is so difficult to separate the disease from the person! I have found both groups helpful over the years (I'm ACOA) and have been married to an active addict. Currently married to an addict with 9 years clean. This does not mean that I don't need the support that these groups offer. Sometimes when I'm stressed I revert back to old "stinkin' thinkin" as I'm sure all of you in recovery can relate.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tazzi and Tweety)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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