Ya know Virgo, I've felt very much the same as you. I got a DWI on top of a DWI, never did anything @ work, my patients, or peers mind you. Legal fees, Lawyer fees, fined until I feel like I'm dancing down the street just throwing what little money I have hither and yon. I've been humbled, humiliated, stiffelled by restrictions, go to AA meetings after long shifts, UA's whenever they feel like testing me. All along scared ******** I'm losing my livelihood because of some stupid mistakes. I've felt like quiting a hundred times over, But ya know what its then I realize, I'm not ready to quit on myself. I'm a good person that's just made some bad choices and I'm worth fighting for!
So I paid them lawyers and court fees, did my time, I check in daily and **** in a cup on command, I know I'm clean. I know I'm worth fighting for. I've played by all there rules EXACTLY how they say. I've fought my way back to a respectable member of our team. I stay on course and in 4 months I've finished my time. Damn Happy New Year it will be. That's what I mean when I say believe in yourself, never give up, never surrender, you'd only be quitting on your own best friend ....."YOU"... Peace