New to Recovery program and not good news

Nurses Recovery

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So I'm new into the program, maybe two to three weeks, I've had one drugs test 2 weeks ago on a Thursday before Presidents' Day. We had drinks on New Years. Then my husband and I had A weekend getaway with the kids this past weekend, we had an amazing dinner, hotel and wine. We had a few. It's been a hard year for all of us. Between my medical issues and my husband and becoming disconnected we needed this. I'm sure I'll have a drug test tomorrow and I'm sure if I get Tested for the longer etho use it will show up, so what happens now in the state of SC. I've not even met with the investigator yet and was made to go into this program without a diagnosis. I hate That I made the mistake but it finally wasn't lingering over me and I was Able to relax with my husband which we haven't done in years. What will happen to me?? Any and all advised would be appreciated. Thank you

I will resolve today not to make that mistake again. Also they are wanting me to come off medications I've been on for 20 years. Does anyone know how long I have To ween off that med?

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Specializes in Clinical Leadership, Staff Development, Education.

First, I hope you are not tested and can continue in current program. I also want to play devil's advocate and ask if you have truly self reflected to determine if you could have a problem? I ask this only because you took such a tremendous risk so early within your program- knowing what the potential consequences could be. Maybe ask yourself- did I really need the wine and beer to relax with my husband/family? Your answer may be "no", but I wanted to throw these questions out there- I am someone who is a recovering, full-blown alcoholic. I have used the "stressed out, anxious, deserve it, need to relax" excuse many, many, many times. I would continue to put myself in situations that would have significant negative consequences for me and my family- but I did it anyway.

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Thank you, I have Considered that and no I do Not believe I have Any alcohol problems, just wine with dinner. Honestly being so new into the program and getting some time away from the kids and laughing and connecting with my husband, I wasnt Thinking of anything negative and enjoying our conversation. We rarely drink, only socially or if we have date night which we haven't had in over a year so it was just natural to look over the wine list and order without thinking and that was so careless on my part but I cant Take it back and can only move forward and remind myself to check every label and absolutely no alcohol which I'm fine with. Believe me, this situation with drug testing, hangs over my head all the time. It was my stupid mistake. Thank you for bringing that up though and sharing

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Whew, this is a bad pickle to be in. The thing is, regardless of whether any of us are actual addicts/alcoholics who need rehab or folks who ended up in the program due to single non-nursing dilios like a DUI or a pot charge from 10 years ago, or non-substance abuse/physical health/mental health issues, we all absolutely have to play by the rules of the contract we signed. We all read it, hated it, kicked and screamed to our four walls, punched a fist into a light post, whatever....and then we signed it.

Obviously, staying a practicing nurse is of significance to you. To do that, you have to buckle down and find a way for this not to happen again. These contracts take what feels like crippling vigilance to adhere to...and the pee test is the Crown Jewel of the program.

There are so many requirements and deadlines and papers and loopholes, we have to learn really quickly to become a bit of a "Type A" personality type if we want to cross this mine field without having our licenses and careers blown up. The point isn't whether or not they are fair...when we signed that paper, we agreed that we were willing to put up with the stipulations in exchange for our license one day.

Ain't nobody liking it. I miss wine and fruity cocktails like the devil...and alcohol wasn't even close to my thing. Nobody enjoys reading labels like they are the Gospel, or turning down a salad dressing because you think it *might* be made with red wine vinegar. Fretting over hand sanitizer and mouth wash. Having panic set in if you decide to take DayQuil because your contract says you can't but your sinuses are ready to explode so you decide to risk it because, well, do they really test for that? Thats a risk. It's hard to navigate some social situations while keeping your dignity intact. It blows chunks. It's stinks like C.Diff.

I remember scarfing a vanilla cupcake at the nurses station my first day on the job after I was reinstated and realizing with abject horror that the frosting was made with some sort of strong alcoholic liquor. My life flashed before my eyes. I don't know if my next pee test just happened not to test alcohol or if it wasn't enough to do damage, but it was a sickening 2 weeks until my result was posted as negative.

I know you are beating yourself up already...I can tell. Trust me, it sucks so bad. But if you want to pass thru this and not have serious time in monitoring or public discipline added to your license, you can't allow yourself to forget things like you aren't allowed to have wine with dinner. You just can't.

I set so many alarms on my phone it's absolutely ridiculous. Alarm to check my screening status. Alarms for my appointments. Alarms for my meetings. Alarms for my monthly check in phone call. Alarms for turning in all my forms. You get the point.

You see, I have 5 years to serve. And there are so many opportunities to mess up something so banal like paperwork or a phone call...I didn't used to be a paranoid person, but I sort of had to become one to succeed in this program.

I'm in a state that only has a 34% success rate. That's right. Their own data says that only 34% succeed to the end with their license intact. I want to be in that 34% so I just cannot for a second forget that I am in monitoring and what that means. It has hijacked my brain and I don't see a way to get around it.

A girl in my nurse meeting ended up getting kicked out because she chronically submitted her monthly forms about a week late. It was an ongoing issue...but she never failed a drug test, never had any other issues that she at least would confess to...just couldn't get it together to turn her stuff in when it was due. Her license was suspended for a year...Her record was made public, and they said she could reapply in one year. I mean...dang.

I'm rooting for you to not be tested for alcohol when you pee next...but there is no way to know. One year is such a relatively small sentence to have (I call it a sentence because that is certainly what it feels like)...I've gotten a year down in my program and it's pretty much gone by quickly. I sincerely hope that it works out well for you...but learn fast and don't repeat that mistake.

Please, please keep us posted. Wishing you all the best...

Eris

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Specializes in OR.

You pretty much said it all where we signed a contract and now have to play by the rules. I get that, no problem. I have also observed that these things are written so that much latitude in interpretation is given to the program in terms of things like the definition of what constitutes supervision. I have seen where one situation with one case manager is approved but not with another nurse with a different case manager. I figure that if I must play by the rules as written, then so should they. But they don't. That has been made very clear to me.

I refuse out of sheer stubbornness to give these jerks one cent more then I absolutely must or one more minute of time than I absolutely must. They get every little scrap of silly checklists and reports (that are frankly completely meaningless and I'm not sure ever actually looked at anyway) on time and on the last day ( and it better be the last day exactly) as stated on that contract, they will metaphorically see my backside going out the door never to be heard from again.

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You pretty much said it all where we signed a contract and now have to play by the rules. I get that, no problem. I have also observed that these things are written so that much latitude in interpretation is given to the program in terms of things like the definition of what constitutes supervision. I have seen where one situation with one case manager is approved but not with another nurse with a different case manager. I figure that if I must play by the rules as written, then so should they. But they don't. That has been made very clear to me.

I refuse out of sheer stubbornness to give these jerks one cent more then I absolutely must or one more minute of time than I absolutely must. They get every little scrap of silly checklists and reports (that are frankly completely meaningless and I'm not sure ever actually looked at anyway) on time and on the last day ( and it better be the last day exactly) as stated on that contract, they will metaphorically see my backside going out the door never to be heard from again.

Oh, I agree wholeheartedly. I have to check in monthly by phone on a certain date, but it's been three solid months since my case manager has called me back. The playing field is not even. I have to hold up my end, but deadlines don't exist for them and they have a wide latitude to make discretionary decisions. It's taken them 4 months to respond to my IOP therapist' s request and determination to finally step down my number of required meetings with them. Four months. So I had to keep going to these expensive group meetings weekly for four months longer than my therapist requested until they got sick of me emailing and calling daily and finally gave me approval to step down to once monthly.

Ergo, I have no control over what they do. I control what I do. So that's all I can do; grit my teeth, follow my contract, and blow steam out of my ears regarding the fact that I have to follow the rules explicititely while they get to make their own rules up as they go.

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Specializes in OR.

I just happened to be browsing the "self report" we have to submit every quarter (another thing I don't think they look at because I used to request that they contact me on things and after several years it never happened, so I quit asking) and it asks questions if "I eat nourishing meals and get adequate rest." that irritates me because I'm sorry, that's just not thier business if I want to stay up all night and eat pop tarts (I don't but that's not the point). It also asks if "spirituality is important to me." Also not thier business.

I can answer these truthfully as I would prefer (that would be not answering at all because I think it's an invasion of my privacy, just like the questions about changes in relationships with my SO or children, like that has what to do with nursing?) or tell them what they want to hear so they'll leave me the heck alone.

Good question all around.

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I just happened to be browsing the "self report" we have to submit every quarter (another thing I don't think they look at because I used to request that they contact me on things and after several years it never happened, so I quit asking) and it asks questions if "I eat nourishing meals and get adequate rest." that irritates me because I'm sorry, that's just not thier business if I want to stay up all night and eat pop tarts (I don't but that's not the point). It also asks if "spirituality is important to me." Also not thier business.

I can answer these truthfully as I would prefer (that would be not answering at all because I think it's an invasion of my privacy, just like the questions about changes in relationships with my SO or children, like that has what to do with nursing?) or tell them what they want to hear so they'll leave me the heck alone.

Good question all around.

Holy crow, they ask those questions?????? What in the actual frickin' frack?!?

Mine are required monthly, but the most invasive question is "What have you learned from meetings this month?" Answer: "I should abstain from alcohol and drugs."

Nourishing foods? Why yes, I do eat nourishing foods...very nourishing generic fruit loops with canned milk and Ramen noodles because they nourish my starving wallet, beings that they are so cheap and I have very little money left for food now. Super nourishing.

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Specializes in OR.

Or I eat the best that food stamps can buy because I've given up on finding a better than minimum wage job. Not really on the food stamps but true on the giving up on finding a job, but that's due to the generosity of family.

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Specializes in 911 critical care ambulance nurse.

Never, ever admit a mistake to the Nursing Board. The Nursing Board is not forgiving. I don't mean to sound nasty, but they grab onto every bit of evidence that they can get their hands on. If you're in the recovery program, you know what you did and can deal with it at meeting.

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How are you doing Beazy?

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Doing well. Just a hangin in here. :) thanks for asking

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