need to vent about my husband...sorry long. - page 2

by SassyErRn

1,694 Unique Views | 15 Comments

This day is getting worse. Here I am working at my desk thinking about how my husband is at home, still umemployed. Instead of refocusing on my work I think about how he hasn't worked since the summer and it's not the economy in... Read More


  1. 0
    good luck with that
  2. 2
    First of all, I was so anxious to write a response that I didn't even read through all of the posts. OHHH Girlfriend,, i do have a lot to say here.

    You love him, right? How long have you been married?

    Right now, you really need someone by your side that will support you. He needs to support you emotionally, physically and financially. You do NOT need a man who will drain the life out of you.. you are already vulnerable to losing everything. You are working hard to keep your head above water and he is the tow underneath, getting stronger, trying to pull you down. I'm sure he's not doing it purposefully, but he is doing it nonetheless. He needs to know this. He needs to know that your sobriety depends partly on him being the man that you need him to be right now.

    At this point in your life, you are trying to recover. You've saved your life, but yet it hasn't been long enough for you to be able to save his too. He needs to be strong for himself and for you. Until you build up the strength and are on dry land, you're not strong enough to drag him out of the water. You'll be sucked down with him.

    If you two love each other, you will find a way to work all of this out. But if you don't have enough love there, it might be best for you to go it alone, at this point. But only you can know what is best for you. If at some point you feel that it is too much to handle, ... don't ever EVER use drugs or drink. That will not solve your problem and I think you already know that. But if it gets worse, it may get to a point to where you lose control over your recovery.... don't let that happen, don't let yourself get to that point.

    In my opinion, you did the right thing by posting here, in this forum. You were right because other people may not understand the toll it is taking on you as a recovering addict. Stay strong,, and ask for help if you need it,, we're all here and we want to help you if you need us... We might all have advice on what you should do, but you have to decide on your own what you will do or how you will cope with everything.
    SassyErRn and blueheaven like this.
  3. 0
    easttexasnurse,
    Thank you so much for the kind words. I love the way you put it....how I am working to keep my head above water and he is the tow. And you are right, he needs to know that my sobriety party depends on him yet I am kinda afraid to tell him this. I know that he knows that I have a problem but I honeslty don't think he could say that his wife is an addict. And I understand that outsiders don't have a clue but he would compare me to a junkie on the street and eventhough WE know an addict is an addict, THEY don't see it that way. I guess I am afraid to let him know that he is partly responsible for me staying clean. It makes me sound like I will relapse at any minute if something goes wrong.

    Sometimes I want to just shake him because I don't think he realises how hard recovery can be. So when I am having a bad day and end up yelling at him he just thinks I am a ****** and doesn't think that maybe I am battling urges or whatever in my head.

    We have been married for almost 3 years. We will get through this. We have talked about marriage counseling in the past but it was around the time I was using (he didn't know yet) and my therapist suggested a hold on that until I got my own act together. I think having a 3rd party see what is going on would be good. I don't want to place blame but my husband is the type where he thinks he is always right. I would love for someone to tell him that he is only harming our relationship by doing x y or z.

    Thanks again. I will keep everyone posted.
  4. 1
    My husband was always behind me during my recovery and he still is. He was my strength. It is to the point now that we can have a bottle of vicodin in the house and I don't touch it. My son broke his ankle and hubby had a severe inner ear infection and they both were prescribed vicodin. I never touched those pills, but 3 years ago I would have been all over it. They sit in the medicine cabinet as a reminder of my sobriety. He says he doesn't have to count them because he knows they're safe.

    I just wish that all husbands were like him. It really sucks that he doesn't truly understand your addiction. I think that maybe my husband relates to my addiction because he had problems in his past, not with drugs/alchohol, but psychological problems that I can't really get into on here. Maybe if your husband could relate, he would be out there working. It is important for you to see him working, even if it is a minimum wage job, or a night stocker at walmart... it means more than the money he is bringing home doesn't it? It does.

    I hope the best for you and please come back and type to us if you need anything. In helping others it helps me... it puts my sobriety in check.
    SassyErRn likes this.
  5. 1
    you say he needs to get ANYTHING for now!

    many jobs will only pay minimum money, so much that entire families (including the children) work there just to keep the house.
    will haveing one person doing such a job really make any difference to you.
    will it really even go as far as to pay the rent!

    what i am saying here is be carfull how far you go when you use the word "anything"
    focus more on getting a job that can sustain you
    SassyErRn likes this.
  6. 1
    Quote from megaman
    you say he needs to get ANYTHING for now!

    many jobs will only pay minimum money, so much that entire families (including the children) work there just to keep the house.
    will haveing one person doing such a job really make any difference to you.
    will it really even go as far as to pay the rent!

    what i am saying here is be carfull how far you go when you use the word "anything"
    focus more on getting a job that can sustain you
    I have to disagree with this. For him to have a job, ANY job, would be helpful in more than one way. While it is important for him to get the highest paying job that he can, I believe that any job for him would be good for the household, their relationship, his self esteem and her recovery.

    Having been through a similar situation, out of work husband, recovery, etc... I know that if he had a job, it would benefit the family with more than just money.
    SassyErRn likes this.


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