Need some encouragement/advice

[willow14]

[COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]I will begin by stating I have been a member of this forum and have appreciated learning from those who have gone through monitoring programs or who are going through them. I am approaching 3 years of my 5 year contract and am grateful that I was able to get into my monitoring program—I earned it through and through. I have been fortunate to have some of my restrictions lifted which I am thankful for. I was granted access to narcotics over a year ago and the direct supervision stipulation was recently lifted. However, I am feeling nervous. I currently work as a case manager in an office and have been there for over 2 years. At first it was the only job willing to take me due to my restrictions but I have to grown to really like it. I am worried that if I don't move forward in my nursing practice (taking on jobs providing direct patient care) that I will have difficulty getting other stipulations lifted. I recently started a part time job at a nursing home and I am a wreck! Why am I SO nervous??!? I feel like a nursing student all over again. I was only a nurse for 2 years before I lost my job so I didn't have a whole lot of experience before my career was quickly halted. [/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]I have only trained at my new job for 2 days and don't know if I can do this. The staff at the new job are nice and the wing I am on would only have 17 residents max (short term rehab), but I am really struggling with my confidence. I feel like I don't know anything-even though I know I do. I think my biggest fear is messing up and then having MORE problems with the BON. By saying that, I don't mean diverting ( I have no desire) but I worry that if there is ever an issue with missing medications that the finger will automatically be pointed at me. I don't have to worry about that in my current job. I know I probably sound crazy but has anyone ever felt this way during their program? What did you do to get over it?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]I also wonder if I am taking on too much with both jobs. My current job is salaried position so my hours vary and I am occasionally on call. I has been hard juggling my current job and the training for the new job. In addition, the training for the nursing home job will be minimal (4-6 days max) which is playing into my stress. I feel stressed and anxious all the time and I wonder if this part time job is worth it. But then I think back to moving forward in my monitoring program and wonder if the more time away from bedside nursing will jeopardize me getting hired down the road if I decide to make that switch full time one day? Maybe I just need to toughen up?[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#000000] [/COLOR][COLOR=#000000]I know that as being an addict/alcoholic that I strive on feeling COMFORTABLE and NOT STRESSED but I don't know how to feel going abou this. I admit I will feel guilty if I don't stick with the part time job but I wonder if the stress is worth it.

[COLOR=#000000]I apologize for this being so long but truly appreciate your time and look forward to any advice any of you may have. [/COLOR]

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[1sttime]

Quit the second job- I have been out of my monitoring program for 9 months or so- I am amazed by my limitations now- I have come home crying when I took on a job that was too physically exhausting- I have to look at it through the lens of doing what I can, not a failure. I have to pay attention to myself first and foremost- if not its too easy to let the "should" take over my life.

[willow14]

Hi and thank you so much for responding. What did you mean when you said 'you are amazed by my limitations now'? Are your relating that to how the process of the monitoring program affected you? When you were in your program, was it hard for you to work in areas that allowed you more freedom (meaning less restrictions) because you were still being monitored?

Btw, kudos to you for making it through your program!!!!

[1sttime]

Just my limitations on how much stress I can handle- for example: too many hours, too many days in a row does not leave me time to do self care- so I can't/won't work a lot of hours. Too much responsibility with inadequate practice guidelines leaves me distancing myself too.

When I was in the program, and even now, I do not wish to work in high acuity areas as I had before- give me a chill nursing job and maybe.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

I'd quit the second job. Our stress responses were masked with active addiction, and when we stop using our emotions aren't masked anymore. One thing I've learned throughout all this is to pay attention to what is going on inside myself. If you feel stressed with an added job, pay attention to that. There are other ways to get bedside nursing experience that aren't so stressful...if indeed that is what you want to do. If you like Case Management, stick with that. Good luck!