I'm new to the sight and I've got a problem and need advice on what to do now. First off let me tell you my back story: I'm a RN in Missouri and have been a nurse for 8 years. I've was a supervisor on nights on a ortho/neuro floor. At the end of May I was brought in for questioning about my Dilaudid pull count being higher than everybody else. I came clean to my manager and admitted that I had been diverting narcotics for myself for about a year and a half and was wanting to come clean. I knew that my urine drug test would be positive. I use to tell myself that it was ok because I wasn't using at work and I never short changed a patient dose on pain meds, cause I would save the wasted narcotics and take them home.
That next Monday June 3rd I went to my hospitals Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and was offered the chance to join the hospitals Recovery program. I started on the next day and went to 10 outpatient settings throughout June. During this time I found out from a friend that I was gonna be fired at the meeting about the test results and so I decided to resign from my job, my hospital unfortunately has a zero tolerance policy. But since I came clean and surrendered my job and went into treatment the hospital is not gonna press charges.
The program was great and I was glad to be in it. I learned that yes I was an addict (in my mind I was telling myself that I wasn't while I was using). I have had 5 urine drug test there and they all came back negative. I have also started attending NA meetings as well and they have been helpful. And I've felt no cravings or desire to use since all this started, I never want to go to that again.
During June I also sent in a letter to the BON in Missouri telling them what I had done, but the hospital had already sent a letter. I talked to the investigator and he said that it could be a long while before a decision is made, due to the length of time it takes to investigate and how many cases the BON has to see. He said that I could work since my license was in good standing for the time being.
That is the problem for me, my manager also suggested that I should work a contract RN job to make to quick cash. But I just don't know, (I know that if I work as a staff RN somewhere that I will be exposed to narc's again but I know I will never use again, all this pain is just not worth it!) I was also thinking of trying for a permanent job that doesn't have access to narc's like case work or even Dialysis. But I kind of don't want to try for a permanent job till I know how the BON will rule. I also don't have enough money to afford an attorney and if I don't find a job soon I'll have to move out of my apartment and move in with my sister and her husband who have been very supportive during all of this.
I know its gonna get better, "its always darkest before the dawn", but I wanna get going and get my life back on track and work, cause I love being a nurse!
Thank you for your time, Jason.