I'm having such a hard time lately meeting all my deadlines, getting my paperwork turned in, not missing call-ins for UAs (on weekends, when we never have to test but still have to call every day). The reason is because I feel so strong in recovery and so "back to normal" that I forget I am in this program and still need to jump through all these hoops! I will graduate in February if I don't get my contract extended for not getting stuff signed and turned in on time. My case-manager, thank goodness, has been very lax so far but I'm certain she is documenting each and every failure on my part and if the case is good enough to extend my time she will surely do so. The motivation of knowing that graduation is soooo close should be good enough to keep me on my toes but I am seriously having a hard time. I did get one letter awhile back warning me about not calling my line on weekends and set my phone for a daily alarm which has helped. The only reason I didn't do that before is that I work variable shifts so there is not any one time that's good for me to have an alarm go off. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else is at that "program fatigue" phase where it's just the same BS over and over and over and you've probably gotten about as safe/stable/recovered as you're likely to get! lol
I toed the line for over 6 years--observed urine screens at $77 a pop and on and on and haven't had a nursing job since 2010. My license has no discipline now but the history, the "mark," I guess, is keeping me from getting one of the very few nursing jobs in my area. My sentence was for 5 years of probation but it dragged on for over 6 because I couldn't find a nursing job after becoming unemployed in 2010.
It seems like I have been discarded by nursing even though I admitted my crime and served my sentence...and then some.
I cannot in my wildest dreams IMAGINE forgetting to submit paperwork I was so scared of screwing up (for all the good it did me). In my case, I would have to be impaired to miss any
requirement that was presented to me.
I wonder if I will ever
be able to forgive myself for my addictive transgressions if I am never able to get a nursing job. It is hard for me to keep the rejection of others from becoming my rejection of myself.
I have been completely clean and sober since Dec 2004 and I wonder sometimes if it has been worth it (at least as far as employment goes). If anyone who has a nursing job whines, they have no idea what they are talking about. Period.
Last edit by catmom1 on Jul 16, '13
@ Umberlee:: sorry if i over-reacted a bit. i understand now where you're coming from- & the road you've been down. & in retrospect, i also became tired of the trudgery towards the end. you certainly didn't ruffle my feathers- i was thinking of what others might think- those who are currently in the midst of losing so much. i was way too paranoid to miss any deadlines, or be late, or miss a call-in- but i do understand how very tedious it gets!! just make sure you don't screw up & get into trouble with your program!! remember- it will be over soon!!
Last edit by TXRN2 on Jul 17, '13
: Reason: redneck spelling!!
Jul 18, '13
I am in a monitoring program in WI and got a new monitor/case manager last fall. I started in May 2009 and am grateful to have had a steady job ever since. However, apparently my new monitor informed me that I wasn't submitting 2 forms that they require for the past four years AND that the ones I was submitting were being submitted too early. She also informed me of discrepanies in call-ins, missed screens, and unscheduled tests that were showing on her reports. She seemed to be working with me to help me get into compliance since April. Then I came home from being out of town to a notice that she lifted the stay on my license suspension AND an article on page 2 in the local paper about what I originally lost my license for (including a paragraph about something that I didn't even do that was on the cover letter of my order back in 2009 that they told me was a typo and not to worry about it) and thatt I am suspended again for being out of compliance. Most of the community and few of my coworkers knew about my past prior to the article. I am working my 4th step and was writing about guilt/shame when the article was published. Long-story short I now have a lawyer and am standing up for myself and my recovery because I am doing all the right things. Apparently the Board is becoming more punitive and the monitor told me that I am starting my 5 year order over again and nothing I did in the past counts for anything. My recommendations to others is to get clean, go to meetings, start working the steps, keep track of things on your own, keep all your paperwork and double-check dates on all COC forms, check the lab reprts, and communicate with your monitor/case manager in written form only. I am grateful to have moved thru the guilt and shame and am feeling the freedom that comes along with "everyone knowing." Please hold on to hope, trust that everything (especially the "bad" stuff) happens for a reason, and stay clean no matter what!
Last edit by astanton10 on Jul 18, '13