After much thought, I have decided to send my license back. I will call the Executive Director on Monday and my case manager to see about future options, if I were to ever want to get my license back. But, when thinking about sending my license back, I have a weird sense of peace in my heart and body and relief that I won't be spending every dollar I make on drug screens and that I won't have to constantly be contacting the Boards. I think I did achieve my goal. I got my license and in getting my license, I learned such a valuable lesson that has really changed my outlook. I figured out where my interests lie. We need greater service, education, and advocacy when dealing with mental illness. I want to change the world or at least Virginia (and perhaps Tennessee).
Also, I knew I would want to disclose what I have eventually and now, I feel comfortable enough with myself that I can publicly say or type it. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Yes, I have my days where I am moody, but I am also a beautiful spirit. I am kind, motivated, open minded, and passionate. I deserve to go and fulfill my dreams and be happy in life.
I am thinking that I can start saving my money, go to grad school and get an MPH, do some advocacy and other work I am passionate about, and eventually maybe if I can get the public health experience and get my PhD, I can still one day work for the CDC or NIH/NIMH as an epidemiologist or some other role. There's still a lot of hope for me, maybe just not in nursing. Thanks for your friendships. I might still lurk, but something in my heart tells me just let it go.
"If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."--Tupac Shakur