I have been a nurse for several years and yes I have had to deal with depression for several of those years and it was bad when I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack. Now I have come to a cross road in my life to where I am thinking about leaving the career I once enjoyed. I am just tired of fellow nurses reporting me to the manage saying that I am not a team player. I do help out on the floor and with all the patients, answer call lights, helping family members with requests and taking report for coming patients. What seems to keep me in trouble is my speech and the way I communicate with others. I have a speech problem and I am up front about it, it is stuttering. Sometimes it causes my words to get jumbled up, hard to explain, so instead of asking me what I meant they, fellow nurses that I work with reports that I can be rude, maybe I am. Maybe nursing is not for me anymore and I just need to quit trying. I feel like a failure to my family and to myself. I stay in therapy and I stay on my medication but when all I hear about is how bad I am and I know I am going to get terminated it really feeds the negativity in me and pushes me into a dark place that is not healthy. I am just glad that I am aware of this to meditate out of it. I love taking care of people, it makes me smile when I hear a thank you from them or the family. I know my patients were pleased with my care, just wish my co workers were.