Depression, why!

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    I have been a nurse for several years and yes I have had to deal with depression for several of those years and it was bad when I lost my husband suddenly to a heart attack. Now I have come to a cross road in my life to where I am thinking about leaving the career I once enjoyed. I am just tired of fellow nurses reporting me to the manage saying that I am not a team player. I do help out on the floor and with all the patients, answer call lights, helping family members with requests and taking report for coming patients. What seems to keep me in trouble is my speech and the way I communicate with others. I have a speech problem and I am up front about it, it is stuttering. Sometimes it causes my words to get jumbled up, hard to explain, so instead of asking me what I meant they, fellow nurses that I work with reports that I can be rude, maybe I am. Maybe nursing is not for me anymore and I just need to quit trying. I feel like a failure to my family and to myself. I stay in therapy and I stay on my medication but when all I hear about is how bad I am and I know I am going to get terminated it really feeds the negativity in me and pushes me into a dark place that is not healthy. I am just glad that I am aware of this to meditate out of it. I love taking care of people, it makes me smile when I hear a thank you from them or the family. I know my patients were pleased with my care, just wish my co workers were.

    Sighs
    poppycat and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    I am so sorry u are going through this I have only been a nurse for four years and I often find my self feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the other coworkers also.. I am wondering if u are coming off rude bc in reality u get embarrassed and are tired of explaining ur stuttering over and over to people that don't understand it and it makes u feel frustrated and is accidentally projected onto ur coworkers.? I get defensive at times but not on purpose and I do apologize.
    poppycat and anotherone like this.
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    That is true that I can get frustrated when they keep wanting me to repeat, which just makes my speech worse. Considering the obstacles that I have overcame in my life I should not let that beat me up. The depression does not help. I know one can not change how they are if one is introverted, I like helping everyone that I work with, but I feel that I have to say hey, I got so and so pain medication for pain, or off the BSC or helped 302 to the restroom and is now back in bed, just to let them know I am helping. I am not one for looking for rewards from others, I get that from the patients and from the surveys that come back with my name on them. Seems that is what they want me to do, it is enough that I do chart everything though. I am not the most bubbly of personalities, more like Eeyore and I don't expect to be everyone's friends and listen to gossip.

    I am working on a plan to try and just take a break from nursing and work with children at school as a substitute teacher next year and even drive the school bus, and just work prn if they will allow that with me. If not then I plan on just taking a break from there until I find something that my bothersome speech and my introverted self will fit.
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    I have been called Eeyore more than once in my life. I where a complete false front at work because I hate confrontation. Inside I might be wondering how I can keep going to work everyday for the rest of my life, it is so emotionally exhausting - between the family, pt's and staff. I understand you and hope you find an area where you are well matched. good luck
    poppycat likes this.
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    Hi Sunny68...sorry to hear that you that you are going through a tough situation in you life! first, losing a husband and then possibility of losing a job,,very devastating! But I hope you can get out through this victoriously!You really can't please everybody, so expect that there will be people who will like you and there will be people who will not...Focus on positive things that are happening in yuor life , rather than the negative ones! Hoping the best for you!
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    Just so you know you're not alone, here is a link from another nurse with a speech problem. She got some good advice along with much-needed encouragement.

    Don't give up just yet.
    poppycat and VivaLasViejas like this.
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    Just my opinion but I don't think your impediment has anything to do with it. People, and yes nurses, too, are just plain MEAN nowadays. I think the nurses that have a problem with you are the type that wants that PERFECT REPORT from a PERFECT NURSE about PERFECT PATIENTS so that she can have a PERFECT SHIFT. There is a lot of throat-cutting and back-stabbing in nursing. If you spoke perfectly, then they would only find something else about you to gripe about. Nursing is stressful. As a nurse, we are supposed to treat and accept our customers with respect. At every facility that I go to as an agency nurse or float nurse, they tell us that our co-workers are our customers as well....in fact, EVERYBODY that pulls into the parking lot are customers. You are a patient wearing a uniform on a good day, just like everybody else in the nursing field. The holier-than-thou'ers need to realize that! They wouldn't treat you that way if you were lying in a hospital bed....at least they shouldn't. Patients do get discharged, go home, and report back to work.....as nurses, doctors, lawyers, etc., but most importantly, as CUSTOMERS!

    So, depression pills for you? I think it should be AGGRESSION pills for them!!!!

    Again, just my opinion. So pick yourself up and do what you do.
    anotherone, catmom1, and TXRN2 like this.
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    very well said, Lyndaa!!! & probably true! & best of luck to the OP!!
    anotherone likes this.
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    Quote from Sunny68
    That is true that I can get frustrated when they keep wanting me to repeat, which just makes my speech worse. Considering the obstacles that I have overcame in my life I should not let that beat me up. The depression does not help. I know one can not change how they are if one is introverted, I like helping everyone that I work with, but I feel that I have to say hey, I got so and so pain medication for pain, or off the BSC or helped 302 to the restroom and is now back in bed, just to let them know I am helping. I am not one for looking for rewards from others, I get that from the patients and from the surveys that come back with my name on them. Seems that is what they want me to do, it is enough that I do chart everything though. I am not the most bubbly of personalities, more like Eeyore and I don't expect to be everyone's friends and listen to gossip. I am working on a plan to try and just take a break from nursing and work with children at school as a substitute teacher next year and even drive the school bus, and just work prn if they will allow that with me. If not then I plan on just taking a break from there until I find something that my bothersome speech and my introverted self will fit.
    NO, it is not enough to belp and chart and not mention routine tasks! You must make a big display of every beeping iv puml you fix , new bag of fluids, pt to bathroom and back, blanket you get" . it seems pathetic to go to the nurses station to say, "kathy, i got 450 a blanket". everyone must one up the other and exclaim how much they help. but dont say it in a way that makes the other nurse feel incompetent or that she needed your help. in seriousness, good luck and i hope you feel better!
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    OP, it sounds like you're working in a toxic environment. It's horrible that so-called professionals would treat another nurse that way. Maybe you need a change of work environment. I do private duty Peds home care through an agency. Because my patient is (usually) stable & has had the same nurses for the past 5 years, we don't need to do an in depth report. Some days I don't even see the day nurse because she gets here after I leave. It's a very relaxed, low stress job but still has enough to keep you busy & your skills up to date.
    Sunny68 likes this.


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