I'm having a very difficult time being positive lately. My decision to get my license back took a while, then the whole face the BON, get into IPN, complete the RN refresher course took forever. Still during that time I didn't seem to get discouraged. I saw it as a challenge, I met each obstacle with determination and relentlessness. And there were plenty of obstacles!
The license that I currently hold says 'conditional/active.' The 'conditions' are the I take an RN refresher course ( check ) and complete IPN ( almost 3 years in to a 5 year contract ). I was in an IPN contract for addiction to opiates back in 2007, I was diagnosed with Cancer. I made a decision at that time to stop monitoring, I let my license go through 2 consecutive licensing periods without renewing ( which made it null/void ). Boy, do I regret it. THAT is where I screwed up. But, I wasn't thinking at my best. I was having chemo ports placed, going through CT Scans and I was just whipped as a human being.
Fast forward to now, with so much of these obstacles behind me, I can't get a job. I've handled my fair share of rejections. To me, rejection means I was there, I put my best foot forward and "they" said NO. What I am experiencing now is not rejection, it's non-existence. I hear crickets chirping... No call, no email, no voice in HR saying 'thanks, but no thanks,' nothing. And I realize the world went through a great deal of change during my hibernation, dark night of the soul, whatever it was. Human contact is gone...
The thing I dislike the most about this season of my life is the forgetting of how very much I have overcome. I forget that I've left behind addiction. I forget that I have won a battle against cancer. I forget that I took on the BON. I chased them all over my state to never miss a hearing where my fate was in question. I forget that I drove to a hospital 3 hours South of me for a month, to complete the clinical portion of the RN refresher course because no hospitals in my area wanted me. I forget....
I forget in in favor of a profession that is unkind, uncaring, unforgiving to it's very own. My patients can be sick, I cannot.
I am really down right now and could use some insight into actions that can refresh my memory about why I am so very fortunate. And some tactics for making myself more appealing to this brutal profession I guess I still have a fondness for. Otherwise, I'm just going to think I'm a stupid individual.
Thanks for reading!
I think many of us hear parts of ourselves in you. So you are not alone in how you feel. There have been days (and even though I am not working by choice) when I wonder why I don't just tell the whole field of nursing to just shove it. The giant hospital around me, the various departments have various scrub colors. The nurses all wear navy blue. So when I am out and about and I see someone in navy scrubs
, I just get that angry/sad/why the **** do I care anymore feeling.
I had that horrible job right at the beginning of monitoring that I took because it was all I could get. It was a truly scary place. After I mercifully got the heck out of there I moved home and worked at the giant hospital near me (with the navy scrubs). The machinations of IPN forced me into an area that I am not experienced or comfortable in. I tried and they tried with me. It just wasn't to be.
So now I sit and wait for the end while my degree collects dust. I feel as though I've been punished for having a mental illness then punished once again by my own profession for trying to climb out of the ashes. I volley back and forth between not wanting to let "them" win by giving up, knowing that I worked too bloody hard to get where I'm at and wondering why I seem to enjoy flogging myself for a profession that clearly doesn't give 2 you-know-whats about me.
I've only worked for hospitals but one thing that I have found that gets me through the "auto-gauntlet" of HR (I think with all these online apps, there is an algorithm that is used that determines whether your application even lands on the desk of a recruiter) is to follow up an application with a phone call directly to the nurse recruiter. Sometimes that can get them to pull your application and at least look at it and speak to you. The other option is job fairs. That can get you in front of a nurse manager, with your resume and a cover letter.
As far as possibilities for position types. Pre-op? It's mostly paperwork, consents and starting IVs. Some places might give versed but usually anesthesia does that. If narcs are to be given (and that's rare) again either anesthesia does it (because they have to order it) or there's always more than one nurse around.
I do know that for the rest of my career, nursing will be a paycheck. Never again will I plunge my heart and soul into it like I did before because when I fell, they were not there to catch me and in fact stepped on me, several times. (Hmmm, how's that for a visual) I will always care for my patients like I would want to be cared for but like you, it has been made crystal clear to me that I am not allowed to be sick.
And last but least. You are NOT stupid. Absolutely ******* not!!! Don't make me bring the skillet of enlightenment to wherever you are in Florida to make that point
. Regardless of what clueless HR people (who in smaller places are not even nurses) think, you are a strong person first, a nurse second (I think that's the mistake we all make) and that combo can be a life changer for someone. It may take a while, but it's out there. I know it is.....
Last edit by catsmeow1972 on Apr 13