by bmackd2

Hello everyone,

I hope I don't step on any toes here because I am not a nurse yet. I had the option of starting an RN or LPN program. I chose to try to do the LPN because that is all I think I can handle at this time. I take my DET exam next week.

I chose to post here because this seemed like the place that I would find someone who understands what I am going through.

I have been ill since 1996. Mis dx'd with several diseases such as Lupus, mixed connective tissue disease and MS. After all of those years I was dx'd with neurological Lyme disease. All treatments with steroids/solu medrol stopped and I was put on abx for 2 years. I had several months with a PICC line followed by oral abx.

I have been off all meds except my Cymbalta. The past two months I have been left pretty much symptom free except for lingering knee pain and daily headaches. The headaches I have been told are going to be staying because of the damage that Lyme did. I am starting a daily med next week to help combat them.

My problem is that I cam scared to death to finally start school. I have been on disability for the last 2 years. I was approved right away. They have a program called ticket to work which allows me to test the waters and see how I do in school/work before my benefits are taken away. I have been waiting to go to school for this since I was 21. I am now 33.

I guess I am afraid to take the plunge and be a normal non sick person. I keep thinking what ifs....what if this comes back..what if this happens.

I am trying to stay positive and I believe trying the LPN program first is a good choice for me..but like I said I am scared of all the possibilities.

Anyone else ever feel this way? I guess I just need some encouragement from others who have had to deal with disabilities.

I am also afraid that the school I am applying to will deny me if they found out I am just coming off of disability.

Any advice?

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

Hi
I totally understand your feeling of being afraid to try to get out there in the world. I myself have left the working world as a CNA for 5yrs to be a stay home mommy. I don't have no regrets but now at 34 I want to go back to further my education. I have only a associates. I am Hard of Hearing and I just love working and helping people. I once was in the Nursing program myself but didnt study well and failed. I put it off. Now my problem is that my hearing has declined these past five yrs. and am in the process of getting new more powerful aides. I feel scared at times to go out there too. But the truth in all is if u don't try it out and overcome your fears you will never know what you could've or would've. Of course we need encouragement. It helps. I know you will do fine. After reading all these nurses that go to work daily with their personal challenges,.. I know I can do it also and so can you. I am gonna try again to get in the nursing program or get my degree in special educations to help the deaf and hoh kids. I just need to focus more and be more dedicated. Keep in touch and let me know what you decide. Good Luck to both of us!

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

Thank you for your support. It is scarey to start all over and not know what the outcome will be.

I wish you the best of luck and I am sure you will make it through your education.

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

I would rather face my fears and try my best even if I'd fail than not try because I was afraid of failing. You have a lot of courage and I wish you the best of luck!

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

Thank you for those words of encourgement.

I keep telling myself basically the same thing. I don't think I would ever be content in my life if I didn't try. I am not even worried at this time about being able to find a job after I fininsh. My priority is just to be able to goto school and tell myself I was able to do it.

I am tired of being the sick person. I know that I will have health obstacles ahead of me but the only way out is through.

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

I have felt this way alot of my life and was finally diagnosed with ADD and generalized anxiety disorder because of living with this. I have failed but never gave up and kept trying. I still struggle but realize there are others like me and this is self help for me. it seems that sometimes things go wrong at the wrong times but if you make it, it ultimately makes you a stronger person. Life is about taking your chances and i feelthat there is something for everyone out there what ever it may be. I learned that sometimes my expectations of myself are sometimes often too high. I realized i had to rethink/focus on how i do things so i dont set my self up for failure. I was trying to take on too much. Life is a learning process. You can do it. I used to keep it to myself alot and this site makes me feel better and is helping me cope/self help and learn. Best wishes and good health to you. You deserve it.

AP

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

Thank you for that support. It made me feel like I can do this.

I also have generalized anxiety disorder. I personally think it is post traumatic stress from everything I have been put through for these last 11 years. I do take medication for it but I just had to switch to Cymbalta. I have been taking it for about 3 weeks and it is not working out so well for me. I wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks..they just come out of the blue. Plus, the med is making me feel really strange.

On a better note. I have some good news to share. I PASSED my entrance exam!!!! I have never studied so much in my life. I took it on Monday and got the results instantly since the test was on the computer. I scored an 88% combined score. It wasn't as good as I hoped for but the instructor giving the test said it was a very good result compared to alot of other people. I feel so proud for taking the first step.

Thank you all for letting me come here and share. I have often looked at nurses and that of how strong they must be to handle all of the stressors in thier jobs...never realizing that many of them are struggling with thier own health issues.

Best wishes of health to all.

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

HI Bmack!

I am a nurse recently diagnosed with MS. I want to say to you....it has been challenging but I strongly encourage you to follow your dreams. There are so many different things you can do in nursing. Not all of it is bedside nursing.

Take care and congrats on passing your entrance exam!!

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

"True courage is not in never falling, but in getting back up each time you fall."

Try. And if you can't, you will not look back and say, "What if?" You will say, "What's next?"

Keep living your life as you want to live it. Face each obstacle as it presents itself. If you can't go over it go around it or take another direction.

And good luck.

Re: Need some support because of fear of failing

I do not have any disabling disabilities at this time, but I highly encourage you to take advantage of your dream. What if it never comes back? That would be great. What if you just wait for it and let your dream pass you by? When you are 50 you will say what if I had pursued my dream? Please try . Go forth with all your might. Pray hard and have confidence in yourself. Nursing school does get hard at times but please do not let that stop you. Take another deep breath and keep going. I wish you the best.