Need Help From Nurses In Recovery!

I was was lucky to return to a work environment that was understanding of my disease. I practice in the state of VA, and one of the stipulations is no narcotic access in the beginning. Since my drugs of choice were opiates I welcomed this restraint. My main concern was my co-workers who would now have to carry the load of dosing my patients with PRN meds. At least to my face they were understanding and would even ask me questions regarding the disease to better their understanding. This of course was in a small hospital where I knew almost everyone. The attitudes towards addicts seems to carry a blanketed stigma of misunderstanding. Even with the board that governs me.

Like previous respondents, I lost my marriage, career, financial stability and feared the loss of my child. I ended my marriage after going into recovery because my husband refused to accept that I had a disease. He could not understand why I would "chose" to destroy my life. I did everything that the board and the Intervention program asked of me and returned to work. I quickly rose up the clinical ladder and began to focus on management. During my second year back and in the middle of a nasty divorce, the unthinkable happened. While getting our home ready to sell I made a huge mistake. I had had a horrible cold for a few days and in order to meet our sale deadline I grabbed cough medicine from the cabinet and took it. The next morning I thought nothing of going to do a drug screen and reported early in the morning. Two days later I was informed that I had tested positive for ETOH and to refrain from work. I was then removed from the monitoring program and told to await the boards decision. It took them two and half years to hold a conference on my behalf. I had written off nursing all together before that. Now they told me that if I signed another contract they would let me back.
Honestly, I am terrified to get back on that horse. I signed a contract a month ago and have started through the motions once again. Anybody out there that has gone through this twice?

As a nurse with both a mental illness (bipolar disease) and the disease of alcohol addiction, I am absolutely floored (still, after 9 years sober) at the attitude of our many in our profession to addiction and mental illness.

The disease of alcoholism caused me to lose a marriage, my daughter, and my career as an open heart nurse. A few days after I took myself to detox, I called the Board of Nursing and reported myself as an impaired nurse, because I HAD NO CLUE HOW TO STAY SOBER IN THIS PROFESSION. They hooked me up with a rehab that specialized in health care professionals, and gave me the support and accountability to help me stay sober. I will be forever grateful.

I'd love to see a peer to peer type program regarding addiction that works with nursing schools. I've never heard of one, and I think it's something that is sorely needed.

Sadly enough, one of my best friends in nursing school died of an overdose of dilaudid that she diverted only 6 months out of school. I didn't find out until after I was sober.

I couldn't help thinking....but for the Grace of God, go I.

I'm in the final stages of doing something similar to what you discuss in your post. It's time those of us in recovery begin to speak out about the "conspiracy of silence" that surrounds this disease in the health care professional. Perhaps if WE start the movement, the rest of society will catch on.

As chair of the peer assistance and practitioner wellness committee and senior peer advisor for nurse anesthetists in a midwestern state, I have made the education of students in the anesthesia programs in our state our primary focus. We also provide 24/7 contact with an advisor by phone, both in our state and nationally (through the AANA). Believe it or not, one of our programs doesn't want us to speak to their students. They say they'll deal with it themselves. Hmmmmmmm...they must think this is contagious!

I too lost a marriage. a career, and almost my life...TWICE! Once to an accidental OD and the other to a planned suicide that was interrupted by an OB resident who didn't exist (a story for another time). Spreading the word that this DISEASE is treatable and long term recovery is to be expected with PROPER treatment is my mission. I know that I'll be busy until the day I die (hopefully from old age!).

If I can be of service, let me know. Those of us who have found recovery despite the numerous obstacles need to pass what we have to those still lost and suffering.

Jack

Over eleven years ago I completed a 5 year recovery program through the Massachusetts BON that was very similar to the one described by ERRN92. For the first two years I was back at my hospital job. I found my peers to be very accepting. They were mostly compassionate rather than judgemental. I guess I was really lucky there. I did find that my expressed willingness to do things for them (like an IV start or catheterization) in return for their giving my narcotics made me feel less of a burden to my peers.

Thank God someone else has seen how judgemental and full of themselves nurses can be. I'm a recovering addict, sober for over 2 years. My license was placed on probabtion 1 year ago, and I have 4 years to go. I have been judged and crucified by nurses who have known me for 12 years. Nurses that threw me baby showers, invited me to barbeques & weddings, and watched my children. I was so ashamed for so long and I even tried to end my life. Then, one day, I woke up. I thought, if I can look myself in the eye, after all I've done, if I can move past my mistake, then, by god everyone else will just have to get over it too. I'm not proud of what I've done, but I am proud that I'm working past it. It's actually made me a better person. So, screw the nurses who don't get it. Everyone faces their own demons in this life. I feel sorry for the judgemental people who think it won't happen to them, that they'll never face anything that shakes their soul to the core. Cuz' it'll happen to them someday. The way I look at it, I'm stronger now, for the next trail in my life. I'm better prepared. So, here's to recovery!! Good luck to all, and God bless.

Thank you. God Bless.

Ignorance is one of the biggest reasons we deal with prejudice and judgmental attitudes. Despite the amazing leap in understanding of the pathophysiology of how chemical dependence occurs and how these changes in the brain lead to the obsession with, and compulsive use of mood altering substances, the front line health care provider doesn't seem to get this information.

As recovering individuals and health care professionals, we need to take the lead in spreading this information to our colleagues as well as to the general public. If WE aren't willing to take the lead to make changes in the way this disease is understood and managed, it will continue to destroy colleagues, families, and our communities.

I think the thing that hacks me off more than anything is the WILLFUL ignorance the health care community has about this disease. With the numerous groups supporting recovery, there is a wealth of information available for us to spread the word that addiction IS treatable, long term recovery IS possible, and returning to practice benefits everyone.

Jack
Peer Advisor and Advocate
Ohio

I'm not in recovery per se, but a year ago I took a crash course in addiction as my 17 year old was using. You all have my admiration and support! Having said that...yes, nurses are judgemental. I find it easier to talk about my journey with my sons addiction than to admit that I smoke. I drive with the windows down, Febreeze myself until my scrubs are damp, chew cough drops, etc rather than have my coworkers know I smoke...because those who've never been there, don't have a clue. Obviously my issues are vastly different than yours and my sons, but the judgement is the same. Anyhow, my son is a week shy of his one year anniversary of being sober and I couldn't be more proud. I wish you all the best, and know that at least some of us are in your corner!

My addiction also started while I was working in the ER. The sad thing is, even in my own active addiction, I was the one always complaining about the "drug seekers". In retrospect, I guess it's like they say in the NA group I go to "if you spot it, you got it".

Good luck in getting your nursng license back, if that's what you want. I had three years clean and had my nursing license back for almost two years when I relapsed with alcohol and lost my nursing license again. Thanks to God and a good recovery program I have over four years clean and sober this time and have had my nursing license back for almost three years. I will finish my contract with the NCBON, God willing, in 2 1/2 months! You can accomplish anything you put your mind to and effort into if you stay clean and sober.