My Story, and where I'm at now

Good morning AN Recovery forum!!! I've been thinking about posting this for a long time! You'll never know how much this forum helped me through the last six months of my life. So I'll share my story with you now and maybe you can give me some advice/encouragement about what's coming next. Oh I live in Ohio, if that makes any difference.

I was caught diverting back in April. Honestly, I hadn't been doing it for very long (had surgery back in Feb, so had my own rx for awhile, so probably started in March, caught in April) so I was grateful to get caught before I was too sick to accept the help. I had an inkling that perhaps I wasn't in control (funny statement that, it's totally obvious AFTER the fact, but while I was living it I didn't see it) but was really too afraid to ask for help. I know, right, like it was better to get in TROUBLE than to ask for help? Well that is part of the disease, I think.

My facility was very kind and understanding. I'd been a great employee for about 12 years nearly blemish free, loved by patients, docs, coworkers, decorated with excellence awards, etc. (not bragging, just sayin!) They let me go encouraging me to get help and maybe come back one day. They also did not deny me unemployment benefits, which of course was a lifesaver for me.

Oh, my husband knew NOTHING of what I was doing. NOTHING. So it was a bit of a shock when this all came down. My marriage suffered but thankfully is much stronger today.

I went into psychiatry (I must have been crazy, right?!) but didn't find that to be a great fit for me. The BON, in fact, reccommended me to check out a different treatment center, which turned out to be THE place. The place that would definitely save my life. It took me all summer to get through it, but it was so worth it. I plugged into the AA community, made tons of new friends, got an awesome sponsor, and really am getting connected.

Ughhhh, legally, I've been through the wringer too. I was hoping to get the felony taken off, "intervention in lieu", if you go to treatment, you can get the felony expunged based on that. But I didn't get it! I was sentenced to my state's drug court program (CHANCE) after 52 weeks of perfect compliance, the felony will be sealed. It's pretty intensive and verrrrry strict. But nothing I was humanly unable to do. I'm about 3 months into that program.

With the Board, I got into the Alternative Program. Apparently not everyone gets into Alternative, it was quite an extensive application process with face to face interview, and about half don't qualify for it. But if I stay compliant here for 4 years (with early release in three for perfect compliance and a petition process) this too will be removed from my nursing license, and it'll never show up in the future. I'm all plugged in with FirstLab and have to check in every day, which so far, hasn't been a problem for me.

So while I'm only at the foot of this big mountain, I am hopeful. I know it's alot to do, but it all involves doing the next right thing. and obviously it will all be worth it when it's over, clean slate all around.

OH...and as for going back to work. I was allowed to petition for my license (with restrictions, usually six months) THIS MONTH!!!! Well November technically, but I had to write a letter of petition by the first, my sponsor has to write a letter, they'll review my case and let me know, I could be applying and interviewing THIS MONTH. I only pray that my higher power will help me find the job where I'll need to be. My background is med-surg renal and diabetic ed, so of course hemodialysis is a definite option for me. I also really threw myself into my recovery effort so maybe working in acute drug rehab/chemical dependency in some fashion, or crisis center? I know I don't want anything with narc access. Maybe even office nursing?

So. that's where I'm at in my journey. Has anyone else had to go through their state's drug court program? Ah I'm sure I didn't even say so much, it's hard to tell "your story" and keep it condensed. Just, THANK YOU ALL for being here, posting and "speaking" to me even when I was too ashamed and embarrassed to speak up and tell you what I've been through. This forum has been a source of great comfort to me this past six months. xo Michelle