Louisiana RN recently "caught". Need Advice

WOW. What a journey this has been.


Let me tell you all what has happened since I last posted. Maybe it will help some other nurse. I had to go to the state facility in Pineville. The waiting list was very long to get in. I was told that IV drug users (SC is no different from IV) and nurses are placed higher on the list, but at the time there were lots of nurses on that list. I waited till July 1. I would have had to wait longer, but my husband was pushing me to be persistent with calling and showing that I wanted to be in. I was in outpatient while I was waiting, which was wonderful because it helped give me some experience with treatment, and I also met some great people there. So from the time I was fired till I got in was about 2 1/2 months. Then I spent 29 days there. They really made me look at myself....the good, the bad and the ugly. Mainly because I lived with an alcoholic mother the first 18 years of my life and then an alcoholic husband for 13 years after that, I've developed some character defect which cause me some problems with dealing with life. I am very co-dependent and was actually labeled "the rescuer" by one of the counselors. The whole process made me start looking at myself and how my defects affect my life. I am very into my recovery. Not only from chemical substances but also from my defects.

I have since been making my RNP, aftercare and AA/NA meetings. I usually feel great after my meetings. I love the people and how they easily accept you just the way you are. I was told by the addictionologist that I would be released to go back to work Sept 1. I have been doing my drug screens. The whole program has really helped me out and I am grateful for it because I've realized that the one thing that addicts need is someone else to give us the structure that we have lost until we can maintain it on our own. Every day I feel stronger and some days I feel better that I have in a very long time.

Financially, because of my wonderful husband, we have been okay. Of course we can't do the things we would like to do. For me I'm happy not getting, but I feel like I'm keeping him from living the life he wants to. I want to be able to give back to him for all the support he has given me.

So I am trying very hard to find a job. I've lost count of how many interviews I have been on. Probably btw 10-15. Different types of places. Dr's office, LTACs, med/surg, tele, wound care. At first I was afraid of the rejection. This is one area where I have had to learn to just let go and let god. I disclosed at whatever felt like the right time during the interview. Some places are up front and say they can't accomodate me right now with the 6 month narcotics restriction. Some keep me hanging for weeks.....which really bothers me because all they are doing is waiting for someone better to come along. I want them to stop being so chicken and be upfront with me like I am with them. When I follow up, I have gotten answers like "we are in a hiring freeze right now", "we are pushing back the opening of the unit" and my favorite "it's just not a good mix right now with the new grads we have". I know how the "earth people" see us addicts.....well, I'm starting to see some of these "earth people" employers as big fat chickens. I was so fed up with it that the very last interview I went on I decided to not disclose my RNP status. Well guess what, I got a call today offering me the job. Now I'm not sure what to say. It's at a call center and I'm not even sure I CAN work there.

I am so sorry for the times that I have "looked down on" or discriminated against any other human. It's not fun being on the receiving end.

Thanks to everyone on this board who has helped me.....ANNE, magsulfate, jackstem and all.

I have actually had little glimpses of that. It sort of reminds me of how I thought when I was a child. Pure enjoyment over the smallest things, which really aren't that small. They are about living in the now. Enjoying the world around you.

I also wanted to say that in addition to meetings and just plain old staying sober, I also have been reading about ways to help those defects. Through everything I had lost my spiritual side and different readings for that have really made a difference.

To the nurse that is beginning this for the first time.....the hard truth is that it takes time, it may put a huge strain on you financially, it is very difficult in the beginning physically and psychologically..... .but it truly is a lifesaver. You will get better, you will feel better and life won't be such a mystery anymore.

If anyone has any questions about anything feel free to PM me.

Thanks