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| No. 60 | 
Jul 02, 2009, 05:23 PM
 Re: Did I do the right thing?
Personally, I'm very grateful my contract is 5 years. In the beginning, when I was learning what recovery was about, the Board of Nursing was my Higher Power! I know some of my fellow nurses in the program are very resentful and angry that they have to report to the Board for 5 years, etc. But in my opinion, they are there to help me to succeed and come out a healthier person as well as a healthier nurse. I just took my 1 year chip on Tuesday and it's almost surreal.
I do feel at times a little frustrated at all my commitments, but I also know that's part of what I'm working on. To fulfill my contract, I have to attend a nurse support group once a week, an Aftercare group once a week, at least 2 AA/NA meetings per week, and see a counselor/therapist twice a month. I call in every day for random drug testing and that is $50/month. In all, it costs me in between $300-400/month for my requirements. A small price to pay for......my life. I also am required to submit monthly reports; my sponsor and supervisor also have to submit monthly reports. No nightshifts, no narcotics for at least a year (that is the kiss of death when looking for a job....lol), no home health, no agency/staffing companies, no critical care, no per diem, etc. The list of "no's" is long. But again, a small price to pay for what I have today.
I think about other states having shorter contracts and my knee-jerk reaction is "that must be nice". But then I think about how nice it is to have this governing body to keep me accountable for the next 5 years. That's time I have to work on retraining my brain on how to deal with the stressors in life and how to use the tools I am gathering as I walk through recovery. Today, I'm thankful and am learning how to be "reasonably comfortable" one day at a time.
I wish there had been someone there for me like the OP was there for their friend. Maybe I would have gotten help before I hurt myself, my career, and those I love. But in the end, I'm happy that I DID finally check into rehab and report myself to the Board. Today, I have so much in my life I never would have imagined.
 | | Advertisement Sponsored Links | | | | No. 61 |
Jul 02, 2009, 05:55 PM
Re: Did I do the right thing?
Life is good1973 (An excellent screen name...however, we must find a way to shorten it somehow),
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. I agree completely with everything you shared with us. Unfortunately, addicts/alcoholics in early recovery are angry and feel "put upon". But as most of us who eventually "get it", feel exactly like you do now.
Such an important post...thank you for sharing it with us.
Jack
| | No. 62 |
Jul 03, 2009, 10:57 PM
Updated
Jul 03, 2009 at 11:10 PM by Keysnurse2008
Re: Did I do the right thing? Originally Posted by Magsulfate  Well, it sounds like probably, if your friend relapses, he will be drunk. You will be able to tell. You'll see him with a drink in his hand, or you will see him drunk.
Also, just to clarify, I'm not fighting my demons anymore. Anyone in good recovery will probably agree with me that their demons are locked up, and only growl every now and then. I am not fighting off my demons anymore and anyone working as a case manager or advocate will be the same. Otherwise how can one help others if they are still having difficulty with their own recovery?
Also, is this your significant other or are you his supervisor? I am very familiar with the workings of TPAPN and know that it is a VERY confidential program, and they wouldn't be talking to you unless you were one of these, or you were working on his case as a manager or advocate. This information brings to light a whole new issue. Just be very careful, go on with life, but right now it is priority number one for him to recover and stay sober. It doesn't have to be the center of every conversation, but it will be a conversation that you'll have EVERYDAY for a while. And it is something that will be in the back of your mind, and his, all the time. ok...first of all I am not his ANYTHING.I am one of the few..actually the only friend that has stuck around. I talk to him daily...or his family. secondly...I am not a moron. I dont think he'd have to be falling down drunk to have relapsed...or that he'd have a glass in his hand. he actually hid his drinking very well at work. Nothin even seemed amiss till he showed up dog ass drunk. I mean...he chewed halls cough drops alot.....but his behavoir at work never seemed drunk till this last time. Nothing tipped us off...so I dont think I agree with the fact that you said I could recognize that he had relapsed bc he'd have a drink in his hand and he'd be drunk...bc that...is not how he was before. I can see why some friends do walk away. I am here trying to get some insight to help somebody that is a friend. So....I am sorry that you think all the nurses and doctors that worked with him for years are idiots.....by not recognizing he had a problem. I am sorry I get accused of being something more than a concerned friend. I take his calls. I take his family's calls. I take his kids calls. Now how much of it is 100% true I dont know.But...I take their calls. This is why I was asking about him being able to visit family out of town. geez.......maybe you didnt mean it like that but 1. I am actually a decent person trying to help a friend...nothing else. he doesnt have alot of support and when his family leaves it will be even less. Didnt know I was going to get accused of all kinda things bc I was trying to get info. I am not a moron.
And...this is a good guy. Has always helped people. patients with no money come in......and the kids are there with nothing to eat...he goes to mcd's and gets them food. Pregnant pt comes in with no money to get home after a abusive husband gets carted off to jail for breaking her ribs...he buys her a cab fare home.
and from what I have read.....it seems like this is always a struggle. so your demons dont ever go away....they just hibernate....and hopefully never awake and THAT is what I meant. Not that they are struggling each day not to relapse....just that it is probably good to have someone who is educated on the topic.....and nOT having hibernating bears to deal with.But again...I am not a moron....nor were the other dr's and nurses. | | No. 63 |
Jul 03, 2009, 11:44 PM
Re: Did I do the right thing?
Once he is sober, you will finally see what he looks like being sober. THen... you will notice the difference when he starts drinking again. Has he stopped drinking? If so, he should look different to you. Notice the subtle differences, and as the days go on you will notice more and more.. the differences I am speaking of are him acting "better'... he will be more alert, and a better person to be around.
Now, I'm not saying that he wasn't a good person to be around to begin with, but he will be different and better. I can't tell you how, you will just notice.
Since he has been drinking for so long.. and he functioned well while drinking, you probably seen him as normal. But now you will FINALLY see him as normal and you should be able to see a difference if he starts drinking again.
THAT is what I am talking about. I am not calling you a MORON or any other word. I am not attacking you for being ANYTHING. I just know that tpapn will not just divulge confidential information to JUST ANYONE.
Now we all know where you stand. If you will take a breath and read my post again, I was not calling you any names. There seems to be something wrong though, and maybe you should look into that.
| | No. 64 |
Jul 03, 2009, 11:49 PM
Re: Did I do the right thing? Originally Posted by Keysnurse2008 ok...first of all I am not his ANYTHING.I am one of the few..actually the only friend that has stuck around. I talk to him daily...or his family. secondly...I am not a moron. I dont think he'd have to be falling down drunk to have relapsed...or that he'd have a glass in his hand. he actually hid his drinking very well at work. Nothin even seemed amiss till he showed up dog ass drunk. I mean...he chewed halls cough drops alot.....but his behavoir at work never seemed drunk till this last time. Nothing tipped us off...so I dont think I agree with the fact that you said I could recognize that he had relapsed bc he'd have a drink in his hand and he'd be drunk...bc that...is not how he was before. I can see why some friends do walk away. I am here trying to get some insight to help somebody that is a friend. So....I am sorry that you think all the nurses and doctors that worked with him for years are idiots.....by not recognizing he had a problem. I am sorry I get accused of being something more than a concerned friend. I take his calls. I take his family's calls. I take his kids calls. Now how much of it is 100% true I dont know.But...I take their calls. This is why I was asking about him being able to visit family out of town. geez.......maybe you didnt mean it like that but 1. I am actually a decent person trying to help a friend...nothing else. he doesnt have alot of support and when his family leaves it will be even less. Didnt know I was going to get accused of all kinda things bc I was trying to get info. I am not a moron.
And...this is a good guy. Has always helped people. patients with no money come in......and the kids are there with nothing to eat...he goes to mcd's and gets them food. Pregnant pt comes in with no money to get home after a abusive husband gets carted off to jail for breaking her ribs...he buys her a cab fare home.
and from what I have read.....it seems like this is always a struggle. so your demons dont ever go away....they just hibernate....and hopefully never awake and THAT is what I meant. Not that they are struggling each day not to relapse....just that it is probably good to have someone who is educated on the topic.....and nOT having hibernating bears to deal with.But again...I am not a moron....nor were the other dr's and nurses.
No one has called you a moron, or implied you are a moron. It's wonderful that he has a friend who is concerned and willing to be there, however there is a limit to the kind of a information that can or should be shared in this type of forum, which is the reason I suggested you PM some of us for further discussion. It's also the reason I suggested the readings I did.
I have no doubt your friend IS a good man. He's got a bad disease that alters who he is. Without appropriate help, and significant work on his part, this disease has the ability to kill him. However, you will be unable to learn enough here, or in books, to save him. At this point, I strongly recommend you begin to attend Al-Anon meetings and begin to read their material. You cannot help your friend by becoming obsessed with learning everything you can in the next couple of weeks. You cannot control him or his disease. You cannot get him to accept treatment, or any of the things the board will require of him. If he's "in the system", they will deal with him in the manner necessary.
In order to be "helpful" for your friend, learn how to detach in order to not be manipulated, learn more about the disease, evidence based treatment philosophies, the purpose of TPAPN, their "philosophy", etc. Help his family realize they are ill as well and they will benefit from participation the family program and attending Al Anon.
Jack
| | No. 65 |
Jul 04, 2009, 02:04 AM
Re: Did I do the right thing?
Keys - Hello - I am glad that you are there for your friend. I have been clean and sober and working my program since 1999. August 16th, 1999 to be exact, is the day that I got caught at work diverting Demerol, going into the bathroom at work that was right in front of the nurses station and shooting it into my thigh.
I graduated from nursing school in October 1991, and started working on a med surg unit. My dream was always to work in the ER of a busy hospital - I'm a typical adrenaline junkie, I guess, and I could just see myself there, working in the ER, caring for GSWs, stabbings, traumas, codes, ect.
In 1997, I was going through a divorce, and took a second part time job after the separation to help out with some of the bills. I worked 6 12 hour day shifts a week, every week. I started taking Adipex every am as soon as my feet hit the floor to get my motor started, and by the time I got home, I had so much caffeine in me that I started taking mbien to help me "shut down" at night to get any rest at all. I was not overweight, I weighed 140 lbs and I am 5 ft 8 inches, so I didn't need the Adipex for medical reasons. I had no problems getting it, though. I knew which docs to flirt with to get what I wanted and I though I "needed". I could harrass one in the hall briefly and walk away with whatever rx I was asking for.
My PCP I guess knew I had a prioblem, even before I did, or before I admitted it to anyone, including myself. I had chronic migraines, and he never doubted me when I called the office to get my "fix". I didn't even have to see him, just call and come in and the nurse would shoot me in the butt with 100mg of Demerol and 50mg of Phenergan and pour me back into my car for the 15 minute drive home. They knew I drove myself there and back, but of course, I lied to them and said I lived just a minute or so away from their office. My nickname at his office was the "Meperdine Queen". He even called me that at work a few times, and I thought it was just TOO funny. He wasn't making fun of me, just joking around with me - it was always so funny to me, we got a good laugh about it.
Anyway, long story short (kind of!) on August 16th, 1999, I had changed jobs and finally got caught coming out of the BR and was escorted from the property. I had to call the state board the next day, and told them everything. I think I cried nonstop for the next month while waiting for a bed in our state inpt rehab facility since when I got caught, I got fired and lost my health insurance.
So, back to the point, I was a lot like your friend at first. And I was so very angry, felt like it just wasn't fair (not sure why) and that I was just being singled out - just a big old pity party that I had trouble getting away from. I hope your friend realizes what a good friend they have in you. I wish someone had been there for me like that back then.
But, anyway, I digress. I did meet my hubbie after finishing inpatient rehab and finally found a new job. He is an RN also, and has 1 month more than me in the sobriety dept. In August this year, I will celebrate 10 years of being in recovery, and Brian will celebrate 10 years in July.
Jack, Mag - Ya'll always bring up such good points! You two have helped me working my program and I appreciate it. And I can still remember where I was when I found out about Chris Farley's death. That just about broke my heart. It is awful to see a young successful actor, ect succumb (sp??) to their ETOH/drug using and die. Thank God I was able to get help when I did, or I would have appeared in the obits of our local newspaper a long time ago.
And, I know I was lucky, even though I didn't think so at the time, to get a contract for more than 2 years. God knows I needed it!
Anne, RNC
| | No. 67 |
Jul 07, 2009, 09:53 AM
Re: Did I do the right thing?
I think I am just going to step out of his life for awhile....and BTW...jack/...you said I cant help my friend by becoming obsessed by learning everything in a couple weeks. I want to clarify....I didnt know anything before I started asking questions here. I am sorry if my questions seemed" obsessed". I was actually trying to just educate myself. The case manager person...I havent spoke to since a day or so after I reported him. The information I have gotten is from him or his family and I have no idea if it is accurate or not. That is why I have asked questions. This is just too much....I think I will stop taking hi s calls. I have no idea what is the truth anymore and I dont want people thinkin I am obsessed bc I wanted to help a friend. Thank you all for the information you provided...and for sharing your wisdom, insight and personal stories.
| | No. 68 |
Jul 07, 2009, 04:21 PM
Re: Did I do the right thing? Originally Posted by Keysnurse2008 I think I am just going to step out of his life for awhile....and BTW...jack/...you said I cant help my friend by becoming obsessed by learning everything in a couple weeks. I want to clarify....I didnt know anything before I started asking questions here. I am sorry if my questions seemed" obsessed". I was actually trying to just educate myself. The case manager person...I havent spoke to since a day or so after I reported him. The information I have gotten is from him or his family and I have no idea if it is accurate or not. That is why I have asked questions. This is just too much....I think I will stop taking hi s calls. I have no idea what is the truth anymore and I dont want people thinkin I am obsessed bc I wanted to help a friend. Thank you all for the information you provided...and for sharing your wisdom, insight and personal stories.
Keys, take a deep breath and step back. You're taking much of this out of context. That's a problem with this medium...no facial expressions, no body language, no tone of voice during communications. It's the reason I suggested you attend open AA meetings, Al Anon meetings, and visit a treatment center in order to discuss this stuff with real, live, EXPERIENCED people. Everything said here has been said with compassion and empathy. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it, but it rarely does when we're in the middle.
I have offered to discuss this with you further through PMs or private email. I'm even willing to discuss it over the phone. So far, you haven't taken me up on those offers. You are experiencing what most colleagues, friends and family of addicts experience...co-dependence. While I detest that term, it's the most common one in use. It's never comfortable to here some of the things you've heard. You have begun a difficult journey, and it will most likely become more difficult before it becomes less. When dealing with addiction, whether in self or others, we will be required to face things about ourselves that can be uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes really ugly. That's a path you must traverse. I have no idea what it is you will need to face if you continue to attempt to help your friend (and others, including yourself). When it comes to this disease you are very naive. That's not a criticism...it's an observation. If you read back through your posts as objectively as possible, you'll see that. Ignorance (lack of knowlege...not an insult as many believe) is not the same as naive (also not an insult). Either one can can keep us from seeing the truth and the facts. Combined, they can present an even tougher mountain to climb. Being able to overcome the emotional response when facing some of the difficult truths that are revealed are key to overcoming them.
Again, none of the things said her were intended to be disrespectful or insulting in anyway. However, they needed to be said in order to convey the information and the concern I had and still have for you and your friend. What you do with that information, how you choose to proceed is entirely up to you. My offers still stand.
Jack
| | No. 69 |
Jul 07, 2009, 06:33 PM
Re: Did I do the right thing? Originally Posted by Keysnurse2008 I think I am just going to step out of his life for awhile....and BTW...jack/...you said I cant help my friend by becoming obsessed by learning everything in a couple weeks. I want to clarify....I didnt know anything before I started asking questions here. I am sorry if my questions seemed" obsessed". I was actually trying to just educate myself. The case manager person...I havent spoke to since a day or so after I reported him. The information I have gotten is from him or his family and I have no idea if it is accurate or not. That is why I have asked questions. This is just too much....I think I will stop taking hi s calls. I have no idea what is the truth anymore and I dont want people thinkin I am obsessed bc I wanted to help a friend. Thank you all for the information you provided...and for sharing your wisdom, insight and personal stories.
You need to keep these 3 things in mind ( the 3 c's of alanon)
1, You did not cause this
2, you cannot cure him
3, you cannot control what he thinks , does, says...
I admire your desire to be involved, but in all honesty,for someone who is not an addict to try to understand the though processes and the behaviors that an addict uses is very difficult to grasp and instead you should look more into alanon and how they deal with addicts.
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