Horrible day yesterday, today pity party

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    Yesterday, I felt the worst that I've ever felt in a long time. My doc got so frustrated with me and spoke harshly during a case. I've been in the OR 13 years, so I know how surgeons are, but I've always been so good at what I do, as a scrub or circulator. As a surgical assist, I'm struggling so much with the minimally invasive cases. I try to pat myself on the back in that I'm learning two jobs at once, being a provider and a first assist, but the pity sets in and I feel sorry for myself, and I just want to walk away from the surgery part, because I hate not being good at something.The sad thing is that I don't even know what I could do if I don't do surgery, it's all I've ever wanted to do from the time I was a scrub tech.
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    Sorry to hear that. Would it help to find time to sit with that attending so that you can get feedback on what it is that made him frustrated and what it is you could do to improve on? Your team is responsible for your learning and should extend any assistance to make this transition as smooth as possible.

    Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com
    BCgradnurse likes this.
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    Like every other skill you are only good when you have done it a ton of times. Hang in there.
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    Quote from juan de la cruz
    Sorry to hear that. Would it help to find time to sit with that attending so that you can get feedback on what it is that made him frustrated and what it is you could do to improve on? Your team is responsible for your learning and should extend any assistance to make this transition as smooth as possible.

    Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com
    Good advice and once I stop feeling sorry for myself, I plan to talk to him. I'm not sure if there was something else bothering him, because this week seemed full of criticism, especially about talking to patients too long. It's the part of the job that I love, but I am trying to limit how much time I spend with them. I'm so afraid of missing something important that I tend to overdo it. My doc is otherwise very nice and understanding about the learning curve, but I'm having doubts about staying with him once my fellowship is done. Thanks for the advice.
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    Quote from CrunchRN
    Like every other skill you are only good when you have done it a ton of times. Hang in there.
    Thanks for the encouragement. I keep telling myself I can do it.
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    I feel you on the talking to patients. It is one of the things I love to do. That is why I am trying to break into the palliative care field. I'm having a weird week as well. Give yourself a break, you are learning. Like all worthwhile endeavors, there are growing pains.
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    Hello,
    I read in one your post when you were talking about graduate nurse position that are available at Ben Taub. It has been my lifelong dream to work at Ben Taub. You told someone that you may be able to get them a position there. If you can help me out, that would be wonderful. I am new on this site and i tried sending you a private message but i couldn't. Please let me know Thank you.

    @kguill975
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    Yeah, I need to take my own advise. Had a run in with methadone, here's what I learned, forget QTI, look at QTc (c standing for corrected). Anybody use allscripts? I hate this program, so many bugs I spend half my day dealing with program quirks. This culminated in a minor meltdown during which I sent an ill thought out email. Called on the carpet today. Totally deserved. This program is going to be the end of my career in palliative care. People say the program is much better than what they had. I'd prefer paper only to this program. My desk at home is a tsunami of paper now.
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    It's something new and you have to learn how things get done. Try not to beat yourself up too hard. It's been a wacky week here too. Is it a full moon??
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    I just spent a few years working on a surgical team (I was majority post-op, occasionally pre-op, and only intra-op when I was trying to track someone down). It was an excellent experience but I learned over time that I am not the type of NP that really thrives in a surgical setting. I also found that, no matter how nice they could be, surgeons really didn't understand what I do or my scope of practice. Most of the non-docs I worked with were PAs, and they had more exposure to surgery in their training. They seemed more accustomed to the personalities of surgery. I really enjoyed working with the PAs but found my sweet spot was always with nurses, patients, and strangely enough, our medical and specialist consulting services. So, I switched to medicine. Now all is my sweet spot. I couldn't be happier.

    I will say that from the beginning of my nursing training I envisioned myself working in a medical setting (I intended outpatient, but now love the hospital). So I feel like I made a move that I had been planning for, and wasn't terribly upset that I never fully clicked in the surgical setting. It sounds like you have an attachment to the OR. Honestly, since you like talking to patients you may be happier in a job like the one I just left--working on a surgical team but focusing on the patients when they are awake.

    I hope all goes well with the surgeon you are working with. If you don't feel like you reach an adequate resolution, however, I'd recommend putting up a gentle wall between the two of you. Like a pretty picket fence or tapestry--something pleasant that you can peek around occasionally, but that will protect you from the eventuality that you two will never be on the same page.


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