So on jan 25- I was completely and utterly devastated when the screen at prometric popped up you did not pass! It was a screen I had been anticipating since about question #3 when I began shaking into an anxiety attack. I clearly did not know the first 3 answers, others I'm sure I knew but at that moment I was questioning everything. I work in a very busy pulmonary practice and have become pretty good at treating asthma and COPD but as those questions appeared on the screen- I second guessed everything!
When that screen appeared, I prayed it was all a mistake. I spent the next hour driving from the test center to home, trying to avoid calls and text from every friend and family member that I have. They all just wanted to congratulate me and tell me how proud they were, they were all sure I had passed! I wasn't sure how I was gonna explain to my boss , I didn't pass. I knew my husband, my sister and parents would support me regardless but I knew they were going to be a little disappointed even though they would not dare let me know! I was most disappointed in myself.
I spent the weekend with all kinds of mixed emotions. I just wanted to go back to my job as staff nurse in a women's unit, where I was good at my job. Noone questioned my credibility there and that was "my safe place". I went from wanting to retest immediately to never wanting to test again and back and forth. I took the weekend off from studying and regrouped on Mon.
On Mon, as I faced my boss- I knew he too was disappointed but he didn't show it. He just said do it again, as soon as possible and again if needed. I made up my mind that I would plan to test and not tell anyone. I studied every night for 2 weeks, then I scheduled the ANCC. I vowed to myself that I would not be humiliated again, so this meant I wouldn't tell any one I was re testing. I thought if I fail this time, noone will know and then I will retake AANP!
On Wed, almost 4 weeks later. I woke up at my normal time, dressed for work, packed my kids lunch then I called into work and made that hour long drive to the test center. I read every word of every question before making my decision. Almost 2 hours later, I clicked submit- and waited. Nothing ever appeared on my screen. I wasn't sure my legs could carry me to the desk where I had signed in. An eternity passed and then the man said, would you like a copy if your results?? As I read first line, there it was- congratulations!! Whew- my journey was over! It still doesn't feel real. I have been going to school for something my whole life. I haven't yet put my study guides away, nor do I know how to act since studying does not consume me. I finally get to feel and function like a normal person. No more studying at my children's basketball practices. No more reading over notes in the car line at school or listening to review CDs while driving into work. I am going to start living all over again, this time as board certified nurse practitioner.!!
For those of you who have been unsuccessful, don't give up. Just go in there with no pressure at all and take it again and again if you have to. You have made it through school and you will conquer this! Believe in yourself!!