Why is it MEN seem to get along better in this field than WOMEN??!!! - page 3

Hello this was brought up to me so now I'm sharing it with you all, I had a new R.N. nurse come to me in tears because another R.N. treated and talked to her very badly when she asked her basic... Read More

  1. by   z's playa
    Quote from lisadlpn2brn
    I didn't know this thread would get all this response SO QUICKLY but anyway I appreciate all that have been said but in reading, it seems as if the majority of the posts are saying MOST women in general are the weaker vessel in these situations whereas men on the other hand don't fall so fast to put themselves in these sticky situations I have read the men posts and I also agree with them on some of the incidents in the workplace gossiping, backbiting, etc. but what do you tell the new nurses that are coming into this field, full of so many high expectations, we all know because we all can relate to this post...do we help them or do we run them off?:stone
    I can respond to the question because I just got excepted for the Fall and I also ran into a situation at the hospital where I did wonder "Oh man, what will I do if I run into these two again or two just like them?" Then I thought, it's not just these two its been MANY over the years that I've encountered who've been everything but nice or courteous. In fact, if they worked in my bar, I would have fired them on the spot.
    But it hasn't deterred me from my goals. I figure the hospital needs a nice person like me more than ever now. Especially HERE! :chuckle
  2. by   Monist
    Quote from lisadlpn2brn
    Hello this was brought up to me so now I'm sharing it with you all, I had a new R.N. nurse come to me in tears because another R.N. treated and talked to her very badly when she asked her basic questions, and in the midst of her tears she stated her brother was also a new nurse and doctors even help him when he had a problems she didn't seem to understand why women wouldn't like to help women, I have also seem to witness in this field men do seem to get along alot better than women, you will find a few nurses that will help you when in need but that is a very few, I don't know if it's due to the shortage everybody is overworked or underpaid, but we are killing the younger generation of nurses who do try and probaly will oneday make good nurses if they can handle the stressful enviroment any suggestions?
    I was doing my final preceptorship in an ICU and talking with two male nurses, and this was the conclusion we came to: Men are expected to be competent, unemotional, accountable, and men are taken more seriously because our society is a male dominated society. What I am saying is accepted as much if not more by women than it is by men.

    The one thing a man knows down deep is that he either has to kick butt or get his butt kicked. There is mutual respect among men because no one wants to have to fight in the parking garage after work. An MD will never talk down to even a male housekeeper because he knows he may actually get beat up if he does. It hurts to get punched, so we stay on our best behavior with each other. I used to go shooting out in a popular shooting spot in the desert. It was the only place everyone seemed truly polite to one another. It's amazing how mutual assured destruction works even on the microscopic level.

    With women, it's a whole 'nother world. All women really have is passive agressiveness, and boy do they use it. They don't have to be on their best behavior with one another like men do. Being polite is only a good idea for them--they don't have to worry about fights as a result of not being polite.

    And here's something I've seen on the floor too many times. Female nurses laugh and joke with the male MDs too much. You typically don't see male nurses doing that. Laughing and joking is seen by men as a come-on, and it's hard to respect someone who's coming on to you. It's hard to take them seriously.

    It's all BS you say! You're right. It's all unfair? You're right! But we live in a male dominated society (or species, if you will) so, it will always be like this. One truth that male nurses know: when they read articles in nursing magazines or posts that complain about nurses not being treated as "professionals" they know all that will end when there are more males in nursing. And it will only end when there are more males in nursing.

    God I ramble.

    The Monist
  3. by   1BlessedRN
    Quote from Monist
    I was doing my final preceptorship in an ICU and talking with two male nurses, and this was the conclusion we came to: Men are expected to be competent, unemotional, accountable, and men are taken more seriously because our society is a male dominated society. What I am saying is accepted as much if not more by women than it is by men.

    The one thing a man knows down deep is that he either has to kick butt or get his butt kicked. There is mutual respect among men because no one wants to have to fight in the parking garage after work. An MD will never talk down to even a male housekeeper because he knows he may actually get beat up if he does. It hurts to get punched, so we stay on our best behavior with each other. I used to go shooting out in a popular shooting spot in the desert. It was the only place everyone seemed truly polite to one another. It's amazing how mutual assured destruction works even on the microscopic level.

    With women, it's a whole 'nother world. All women really have is passive agressiveness, and boy do they use it. They don't have to be on their best behavior with one another like men do. Being polite is only a good idea for them--they don't have to worry about fights as a result of not being polite.

    And here's something I've seen on the floor too many times. Female nurses laugh and joke with the male MDs too much. You typically don't see male nurses doing that. Laughing and joking is seen by men as a come-on, and it's hard to respect someone who's coming on to you. It's hard to take them seriously.

    It's all BS you say! You're right. It's all unfair? You're right! But we live in a male dominated society (or species, if you will) so, it will always be like this. One truth that male nurses know: when they read articles in nursing magazines or posts that complain about nurses not being treated as "professionals" they know all that will end when there are more males in nursing. And it will only end when there are more males in nursing.

    God I ramble.

    The Monist
    Monist I know you probaly meant well but speaking from a female point of view I believe you just DECLARED WAR!!!
    I agree with some of this, but the part where you say it will end only when more males are in nursing are you stating that women are not professionals, only men? maybe it's late and I'm seeing wrong but anyway I will come back to this post tomorrow.
    Nighty nite
    Last edit by 1BlessedRN on May 11, '04
  4. by   catcolalex
    I agree with the Monest, I am always hearing nursing say that "we need to be more united and then we will have a stronger voice and gey more respect", after all, nurses have more numbers than any other health care profession. But, how can nurses work together nationally, when they can't even work 100% together in a single unit in a single hospital. I also happen to believe that it is no coincidence that nursing is 95% female and has this issue. men aren't perfect, but we generally don't stab ourselves in the back either.
  5. by   tmiller027
    Quote from susanna
    No, but hey. Instead of being afraid of perpetuating a problem that has turned in to a sterotype, sterotype turned in to a problem, then edged back in to a sterotype that continues to yada yada yada ...Lets put our foots down and focus on this problem as if its very real so that we can solve it. Because it is real to a big proportion of us.


    I really want to hear the guys here tell us honestly what they see and think we should change about ourselves to work better. I really think it would help. For me, all I ever see the men do around me when something's going sour amongst the women is roll their eyes amongst themselves or quietly crawl in to a corner. Lets hear some hard criticism from the guys...
    Or, from some of the women here who have great relationships with their women colleages...
    The biggest thing I've seen as a male CNA and student has just been attitude. The men where I work, yeah, EVERYONE there gossips and things in the breakroom, but thats gone on at every job I've worked. But I've noticed usually the men, when they work with someone they don't like or have a problem with, will just put differences aside and try to get the job done as much as possible. Yeah, it drives us nuts sometimes, especially if that person is lazy or just incompetent, but I know at least that getting in their face or getting snippy will only make a bad situation worse.

    On the other hand, I've seen the women get in shouting matches right in the unit and some even up and walk off. I'm not saying all women are like this, these are just things I've noticed at my job. I really hope I don't get flamed for this post. I don't think I'm any better than anyone and I really love working with most of the people at my nursing home, but susanna wanted honest opinions and this is mine.
  6. by   Darlene K.
    I am a clinical supervisor in an urgent care office. I'm not sure why it is, but when there are males mixed in the staffing, the atmosphere is different than when there are only females on shift. There is less complaining and everyone seem more positive. I can't explain it, but I've seen it!
  7. by   longtermcarern
    I think it is more of a type A vs type B personality thing. I have seen both male and female staff play the part eat our young syndrome and I have seen both male and female staff that just go with the flow and stay calm and collected thru it all.
  8. by   Farkinott
    It interests me that the same deal is happening to you folk in the USA that happens here in Oz. Like you nursing is a female dominated profession here.
    It strikes me as strange that it is such a problem all round but noone wants to do anything constructive about it! I agree with most of the previous posts in this thread. It is a much happier workplace when there is a higher ratio of males to females. I believe there are also differences when there are single females instead of mostly married mothers.
    One theory which had been put to me is that for a lot of women, work is the only place they have any real authority as they have little at home. they then take this authority, fuelled with life's injustices and give hell to all around them!
    One of my dear colleagues (older female) said to me the other week. "We need another couple of roosters amongst this mob of chooks!". She had been feeling so pi**ed off with the bit*hing at work that she had seriously considered resigning.

    In addition I would like to let Monist know that he has (almost) correctly taken SNAG manhood back to the day of the dinasour! It is a great post though. I love the typically bit*hy reply immediately after his post!

    As for me I am more of a CHOP.
    Chauvanistic
    Hedonistic
    Opinionated
    Prick

    Go in Peace :P
  9. by   CHATSDALE
    I Have Worked With And For Men And Women And Find That We Need To See Them As Individuals And Not Saying "all Men Are" And "all Women Do" If You Can't See Someone As An Individual You Will Find Trouble Where Ever You Go And Whatever You Do
  10. by   caroladybelle
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    I think this is wrong. I was in the military (overwhelming male majority in case you did not know), and there were PLENTY OF p##### contests there, believe you me. It's not just women, we just happen out number men in this field. I really think that is an unfair assessment/generalization we put on ourselves as nurses.
    Thank You for saying what I think. After working in for years in a male dominated business, watching them manipulate and backstab one another on a regular basis, being in a female atmosphere can be refreshing.

    As far as men not being emotional, my last regular nontraveling job never kept a male nurse for very long. The final candidate got ticked off the ONE time that he was required to float, quit on the spot, threw his keys at the charge nurse hitting her and stormed out. He then called is wife from an unknown site threatening to shoot himself and/or staff members. And he did have gun at the time. This following several monthes of griping, whining and hitting up(unprovoked) every female on the floor when there was just them two on the unit (it was a small unit.

    I have yet to have had the same occur with female staffers.

    A lot has to do with the environment. If there is a pleasant well managed unit with functional communication, it will be a good place to work. If it is poorly managed unit/hospital, you will lose many of your good employees with great personalities, and end up with the dreck of the crop.

    I am lucky that I have rarily had bad coworkers. But those that are badly behaved, come in both genders.

    And no, will having more men on staff help? I doubt it seriously.
  11. by   oramar
    Men also murder each other at a rate 10 times higher than women. So it is a matter of perspective.
  12. by   Monist
    Quote from lisadlpn2brn
    Monist I know you probaly meant well but speaking from a female point of view I believe you just DECLARED WAR!!!
    I agree with some of this, but the part where you say it will end only when more males are in nursing are you stating that women are not professionals, only men? maybe it's late and I'm seeing wrong but anyway I will come back to this post tomorrow.
    Nighty nite
    I'm saying it doesn't matter if women are professionals or not. I'm saying we are a male dominated species, so men call the shots. It doesn't have to be this way, but it is reinforced by women more than it is by men. Women keep acting like women and keep insisting that men act like men. Case in point: One flower-patterned or teddy-bear patterned warm up jacket can throw all the educational credit a woman has down the toilet in the eyes of a male HCP. One calendar with male nurses and doctors hanging up in the nurses station proves only one thing to a man: women become nurses to marry a doctor.

    I want to treat the women where I work more like professionals than they will ever allow me to do. Sad but true.

    The Monist
  13. by   Tweety
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    Wow your workplaces suck---- or do they??? I have MOSTLY supportive, caring and wonderful coworkers, some of which I consider friends (not all). The few who tried to " eat " me as a young 'un, well, I put em in their place. I let them know in no uncertain terms, they were picking on the wrong person. And they quit, never to bother me again. But I always treat them WITH RESPECT,and I do mean always. I don't work in Utopia, but it's very workable and most of the time pleasant to be around my coworkers.

    I guess we sometimes we get what we put out. (karma?) Barring passive-aggressive and catty behavior on YOUR parts, as well as those you complain about, you can have a wonderful time with your female coworkers----but you have to take some initiative yourselves NOT to propogate it. We get what we GIVE often enough, really. That is not news.

    I love where I work and we are ALL female. I have been there for many of my coworkers thru very tough times and they for me. When I was hospitalized, they visited me (it was a different hospital 20 miles up the road) and took the time to send a card and flowers. All females doing this? Very little backbiting and witchy behavior going on there. But I think it has a lot to do with taking responsibility for ones own behavior and refusing to participate in any catty behavior they DO see. Take the bull by the horns and take action to STOP it, if at all possible. It really does help.
    Im with you Deb. Those environments sound unacceptable when those that help each other are few and far between. On the contrary, on my unit, where I'm the only male at the moment, there is one nurse who has a reputation for keeping to herself and not helping. The rest of us jump when a coworker asks for help. Mind you we aren't breaking our backs looking to help, but when asked we jump. We have a great crew at the moment.

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