Why do we eat our young?

[jreynrn]

I'm a float pool nurse at my hospital so I bounce around, a lot. Wherever they need me, I go. So I'm pretty well known around the hospital, favorably, thank goodness. The past few months, I was pretty regular on one unit and had the pleasure of working closely with a new grad. I really like her. She was eager to learn, asked a lot of questions, optimistic, enthusiastic... You know, in the new nurse phase. She was good, really, really good at her skills. I guess I kind of took her under my wing while I was working on that unit. I didn't mind answering her questions. I applauded her for asking questions. Better ask than try to go it alone when you aren't sure what/how to do something and injure a patient, right?

Well, past few weeks I have been on another unit until this past weekend, I found myself back on her unit, only during the day shift. I was in the break room collecting my things at the end of my shift (happily I might add) when she walked in, looking both stressed to the gills yet a bit relieved at the same time. She immediately stated "OHHHH!!!!!! You're working here tonight!!!!!!!" And of course I was initially flattered that she was so happy that I might be working with her, but when I replied, "oh no, I'm leaving, I worked the day shift", her eyes immediately filled with tears and she just broke into sobs. Knowing that she would be eaten alive if anyone else seen this, I rushed to the breakroom door and locked it. I just wanted to give her that chance to get her cry out. The poor kid, went on to tell me that life had been hell on her unit. She felt like no one liked her, everyone got mad when she asked questions, and she felt thrown to the wolves. She was really hoping I was working because I had patience with her. She told me that she frequently heard the other nurses talking behind her back about how slow she is and that she doesn't take initiative to do anything on her own. Then she asked me the doomed question... "is it like this everywhere or just here?" and then she went on to say the statement so many new nurses say... "I HATE THIS JOB! I HATE BEING A NURSE!!!" and then she said, in a very defeated voice... "maybe I just wasn't meant to be a nurse, maybe I just suck at it". And my heart just broke. It broke wide open for her.

All I could do was console her. Put my arm around her and let her cry it out then reassure her that NO, you don't hate being a nurse. And YES, you are a GREAT nurse because you recognize when you need help and you are trying to seek it out... what makes you great is because you are thinking of the patient first, whether you realize it or not, you are putting your patient first because you don't want to do the wrong thing or make a mistake! That, to me, makes a phenomenal nurse. How in the world is a new nurse supposed to learn how to take innitiave if the new nurse can't ask for the help she needs out of fear of being ripped apart for it. Yes, we all need to be autonomous, but, we have to learn... I know we are all busy and all stressed, but come on, we've all been new nurses... We've all been there, why do some (not all) nurses forget where they came from and how they started?

I just had to get this out because my heart just broke for her. I hope I was able to console her enough and I pray she will not be one of the many new nurses that leave the profession after a year or so because of things like this... I just don't understand why we eat our young. Well, hopefully I helped and hopefully soon I'll be on her unit again. Hopefully she'll soon find her niche and she will prove to the world just how awesome of a nurse she is.

[Guest343211]

Many hospitals won't tolerate doctors displaying "eating subordinates" rude behavior. Why should some nurses get away with the same behavior?

Seems to me if the guaranteed paycheck was their motivation, they would really try to be successful and if someone talks straight to them about their behavior or models better behavior, they might change too.

Oh but many nurses do get away with it, many times, daily. The leadership tolerates it. Look at the middle management and upper management.

In order for those others to change, the leadership has to set and maintain a proper tone. This is often not done. Covert bullying is VERY often tolerated. Of course, they have to address known "in your face," overt bullying. But often it is the covert stuff that does the most damage and keeps places unduly toxic.

[cienurse]

Thank you for taking the time and patience to nurture this new nurse. She will never forget you for it, even years from now when she's long forgotten her new job and some of the cronies who made it miserable for her!

[goomer]

This happened to me. It really made me become jaded and less trusting of other nurses, quite honestly. The way it happened to me was just beyond ****** ** in the worst way.

I have heard nurses are kinder to male nurses, though. I wonder what the male nurses have to say about this lol

[BulmaBriefs]

Hi Jreyrn,

I'm trying to get into nursing school and I can't imagine what that girl must've gone through. I just wanted to say that you're very nice for being there for her when she needed someone to talk to and vent; this to me is what makes a great nurse. I'm sure that we all wish we can have someone to comfortably talk with about our problems, especially if you work in a stressful environment. For some people, it even helps them pull through their issues because they've been supported from someone who has years of experience in this profession. I really wish that when I enter nursing school that I can have someone to look up to as a role model, like yourself, when I'd really need a shoulder to lean on and for someone to give me the courage to pull through. It's wonderful nurses like you, that give us nursing students the strength to carry on and have a special place in our hearts. I'm inspired to be a terrific nurse like you someday.Thank you.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I've worked alot of jobs. I don't find the whole "eat their young" thing to be exclusive to nursing. When orienting/training is involved, there's going to be those that catch on fast and those that don't. There will be those who are born teachers and enjoy that honor, and those who'd rather clean the toilets and it shows. New employees who engage, and those who cower. Victim vs peer.

As we all know, bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and professions. Nursing doesn't have the market cornered.

[sheba516]

In the article the new grad talks about numerous ways she was treated...not just by her preceptor. I'm a new grad and a mature woman who has been thru many of life's experiences and done well in all of them. I have come across all kinds of personalities and rotten people in life. People can make up all kinds of excuses they want for the way things are and how they treat people. If you're a nurse, you are b/c you make that choice to be and stay with it. Why does that give you the right to treat people the way you do? Deal with your issues or get out! Many professions are stressful but to use it as an excuse to ok the way new grads are treated??? In the last year I had the same rotten experience as a new grad b/c of many things. I have never been treated so poorly and humiliated in my life. I'm a very hard worker and have always been. I have never needed my hand held and have always overcome tough obstacles to get to where I needed or wanted to be. I worked for a Magnet hospital for 5yrs and they never treated their new grads with such disrespect. Nurses are overworked b/c many places are short staffed but then you don't want to take the time to help the new nurses,who will be able to help with the load once they are trained and make your life less stressful?? So the new nurses quit and then where are you... still no better. You treat people how you want to be treated...with respect. You all started in the same place we are today, except things are much different and more difficult now. There are no excuses for how nurses treat their young! It tells me that you experienced nurses, who are suppose to love helping people, really aren't such caring people. Nursing is very stressful and new nurses are willing to do the work to get where they need to be. I don't think that any new nurse goes into nursing thinking that it's going to be a "piece of cake" and handed to them!! With all that you go thru to get thru nursing school, we all know that! I believe that nursing makes you old faster and many of the people, who are nurses, shouldn't be b/c they are there for the wrong reasons. We always have choices and making excuses for how you treat new grads speaks a lot about you. A new grads success is in the preceptors hands, so if you don’t want to be a preceptor and know you aren’t good at it, then don’t do it! You don’t have the right to take that away from someone who has worked hard to get into nursing and knows that this is where they want to be! I’m so tired of the excuses that experienced nurses give for the way they treat new grads! You were all once in our place.

[nurseaig, ASN, BSN, MSN, NP]

Women ( Nurses) are so emotional and are the first to point that fact out, but are afraid to show compassion to each other. I tip my hat to anyone that have the nerve and willingness to become a nurse. It shows to me that all nurses are winners and how can we move this profession forward if we can't show each other respect.

[r_nurse]

Hey OP. What a great post. I give a big thanks to you for helping the new nurse. I have had great preceptors like you who supported their young and not so great ones. But I used this both as a learning experience even if I felt like quitting at times. The mistakes I made has taught me to never make the same mistakes again and grow from it. Then there are the great nurses who showed compassion who I will never forget in this lifetime----those are the great nurses that I wanted to be. I treat the 'old' and 'new' nurses with the same respect doesn't matter how tired and cranky I am. Everybody will have questions whether your 'old' or 'new', this is why I like nursing you learn something new everyday! =)

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

All I was trying to do here by making my post, was to vent a little, because I felt bad for her. I know remember how it felt in my first year of being a nurse and I remember feeling the way she did that afternoon a few times and its a horrible feeling. It was never my intention to offend any seasoned nurses. I was just venting. That's all…You are a phenominal nurse. If only all nurses were like you. I realize that in today's society there is a lot of pressure, and sometimes nurses get yelled at from family members and doctors, but in the long run, a good caring nurse is a precious jewel. God bless all nurses who are the caring and compassionate kind. There is a lot to deal with today.

[procrastinator911, BSN, RN]

and that's effective learning to u, for new grad?????

[procrastinator911, BSN, RN]

I have only been on my unit for rwo years and I have already precepted ( we do not volunteer for this) at least 15 new grads . this was a quick count . all i want to do sometimes is go in assess pts, give meds, chart and be done with it. on my schedule without 5655 interuptions, advice ignored, no initiative, lack of thinking on and on and on. I was mostly oriented in a boot camp style and only a few of my cohorts are still there. only the strong survived. not saying it was ideal but i see new grads now cry if they have to deal with an admission or 2 and it makes me wonder.

and that's effective teaching/learning to you, for a new grad??????

[sheba516]

Thank you for being a caring and compassionate nurse who wants to help a new grad believe in herself and know that she is going to be a great nurse!