Why Do People Bully Me? - page 5
by TheCommuter 35,546 Views | 70 Comments Senior Moderator
Unfortunately, bullying is an unpleasant fact of working life for far too many employees in our society. And surveys have discovered that the two workplaces that suffer the most from bullying bosses are healthcare and education... Read More
- 0Feb 28, '13 by Nurse SmileyWow, thank you ever so much for writing this article. I had no idea that there were so many other nurses going through the same experiences. All of these comments are so valid. I have been told that I possess the traits listed above and have been complimented by many staff and management, however, some of them have vandalized my new car six times. I have spent almost $5,000.00 in auto body work including the torn off passenger side mirror. I have been ridiculed for curling my hair and been lied on because the guys in Culinary Services say "Good Morning" to me.
I overheard one of the CNAs saying that the PT Assist "should be brought done and peg" and that she is the one to do it. On page 4 of this article the writer wrote about two employees in particular sitting down with their phones and saying that they are "busy". I worked at this place too. It is astounding to think that there is one more like it. If this is truly the same place; now you know! Good Luck!
It is not healthy or fun to be bullied but I will not sacrifice a high level of health care to get along with this screw jobs.
Nurse Smiley Yeh
- 0Feb 28, '13 by goalienrseI agree with those who say this article is too broad. I know a few nurses that have been put on probation for fighting with other coworker bullies.
I was shocked when I got my first nursing job and was bullied, more behind my back. nothing like that ever happened to me, I was ALWAYS well liked at my jobs.
What worked for me was confronting the coworkers sometimes, not in a threatening way, but letting them know we should 'talk this out' bc I knew what they were saying, and we did. And then killing them with kindness. Not kissing their butts, lol. But being friendly and most importantly CONFIDENT!
I cant say I left that job exactly loving everyone, but the bullying stopped, not by fighting, but by what I described last paragraph.
- 0Feb 28, '13 by Jerry 75[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]To me itseems as though Male co workers are much more confrontational and relentlesswith their bullying. They seem to take pride in embarrassing one and other,demeaning each other, ridiculing.
Female Co workers seem to be less overt with this behavior (at least in myeyes) although they can be just as rude and incessant with their attacks. It isvery childish, non productive behavior that should never be tolerated in theworkplace environment. It causes distraction from your assignment, destroysteam work and causes the victim discomfort.
Now a day's quite a few Hospitals have compliance departments to whom you mayreports such behaviors anonymously! And the supervisors will be contacted andhave to respond to the complaint and people can be fired over this.
Harassment of any type whether Religious, Sexual, Racial, Ethnic should neverbe tolerated and supervisors when aware of this should nip it in the bud!
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]I shouldbe able to ask for change once and that should suffice to make you cease anddesist with your annoying behavior. Youhsould show enought respect and consideration for me to knok it off. I should not have to get angry, enraged norescalate to the point it might get physical
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]Thosewho Harass at work are garbage who should be removed from the work area.
[COLOR=#000000][/COLOR]Last edit by tnbutterfly on Feb 28, '13
- 2Quote from frodo-dogThe disconnect seems to be for me that when one has all of these qualities, which are wonderful ones, how can one not rise above and not get into the fray? If one is confident, and all of the bullying education is "ignore it" then wouldn't one think that it makes the people who are bullying look ridiculous?"• The self-starter who is feisty and independent
• A person who is technically more skilled than the bully
• The target is more emotionally intelligent and socially adept than the bully; the target is well-liked
• The target is ethical and honest to a fault
• The target is not a confrontational person. He or she does not respond. Frankly, the target is stunned and bewildered.
In any event, unless a firm manager takes steps to change the behavior of the ones starting all of this, and not just a "stern talking to" but actual steps that could lead to termination, the culture on a unit will not change. And to think we are speaking about grown adults. I often wonder what these same people would think of their children behaving the same way--especially when they are called from work to a school meeting regarding the same....
- 0Quote from Nurse19842013This in my opinion is disgusting, degrading, ignorant, and appalling. It is astounding to me that your nurse manager didn't send him home with the comment regarding OB. No wonder he switches jobs so much, as people like this seem to sense the end is coming and move on. I would bring this higher than the manager who seems to find this nurse amusing. The next time you hear anything, I would make an appointment with the DON. And HR. The telling part of your post is that "its not like anyone listens to him, they all know how he is" and that you feel shame. First off, unless you are harming patients, you have nothing to feel shame about. Secondly, people tolerating such behavior (managers) under the "that's just how he is" catagory need someone higher than them to remind them that this is a hospital, not the jr high lunch room.I work on a Medical floor and have been a nurse for 4 years. There is a "seasoned" (in his 50-60's) male nurse who bullies me regularly. It all began when I started following him at shift change. He left me many messes and I am a worry wort, so I would always questions things. He seems to be very lazy and I am the polar opposite. He leaves meds to be given after his shift, or will just not give medications he feels are unimportant etc. He also has a very foul mouth, calling previous coworkers at other hospitals (which he frequently jumps jobs) b*tches.....or his b*tches. The other night he told a nursing supervisor he didn't know why he couldn't float to OB because "its not like I want to look at "c**tchie all night"!!!!! I am just so appalled, I don't know what to do.
He bullies me by talking about me to other nurses. He says I am a worry wort and run around like crazy. He also spread a rumor that I would rather clean up patients than be a real nurse because once during shift change a woman was screaming because she was full of stool and I went to clean her up (he wasn't even ready for report yet) when all the CNAs were busy. I felt bad for the woman and if that were me or my family, I would want the same courtesy. But I get along with everyone I work with except for him! He gives new nurses bad teams on purpose (which I have heard him proudly say). Nobody says anything to him because he has a big and foul mouth. He brags all the time about telling people off.
I liked this article because I realize I really have to stick up for myself. And I need to be more confident, or show it at least. He has also commented on my hair color when I changed it and called my friend coworker a fat b*tch.
I am generally well liked I feel (I think I guess since people tell me when he says these things, lol), co-workers always say if they were a patient they would want me as a nurse. I have to be more confident and tell him exactly when he is offending me or when I feel he omitted something important (instead of cleaning up his mess). I am definitely non confrontational and do feel shame, and especially feel worse when nurses like him talk badly about me! I am not the only one btw. There is another nurse he talks about, and she is amazing, so I am not sure why he picks on her. And its not like anyone listens to him, they all know how he is.....but it still bothers me deeply.
What is the funniest, almost ironic thing.....is that he brags about being such a "hard person" and telling people off, but instead he just acts like a juvenile girl and spreads rumors and bullies younger nurses like myself. I have had a hard time dealing with this, but am definitely glad I read this article.
- 2And one more interesting thing--then I will stop hijacking this thread (although I am LOL'ing about the I am young and hot comment of a pp!! Thanks for the coffee out my nose) anyways, we did an internal survey, and over 60% of staff felt that they had been treated less than well in the dignity and respect department, whilst 100& YES, 100% stated that they ALWAYS treat everyone with diginity and respect. So unless behavior is brought to their attention and there is something DONE about it, the perceptions are quite warped....
- 1Feb 28, '13 by RehabRNjcQuote from GraceNotesI was bullied as a CNA by other CNA's and a few nurses. By the time I became an RN, I had conquered the situation, but I was bullied for a couple years. With one bully, a CNA, eventually, near the end of RN school, she started in on me and I looked her in the eyes and very evenly said "You do realize I will be your boss in a couple months, don't you?" This shut her up quickly.[COLOR=#000000]Strange ... words like harass, hostile, abuse are words found in personnel manuals to describe cause for employee reprimand or dismissal. Yet, that rarely happens. And, stranger still, if the bully isn't confronted immediately the target remains one until the target leaves. The personnel policy is written to protect the organization.
This is a good article, but makes it sound hopeless for those who have been dealing with the bully for a while. Can we hear from someone who managed to turn the situation around (not giving up or giving in) after the bully/target roles were established? [/COLOR]
I realize this won't give every nurse hope, but it worked for me. This has been a career trend; I end up being the boss of people who bully me, then I show them grace and mercy, but I'm still firm and I certainly prevent bullying as much as I can.
With the nurse who bullied me the worst I had to directly confront, several times, I would very evenly say, "Don't talk to me like that, it's rude" or "You do realize this is sexual harassment, right?" It got worse before it got better.
Many long years ago my boss at McDonald's gave me great bullying advice; simply say, "That's not very nice." It's so simple, but in the mild cases, it works quite well.
I still have to stand up to people sometimes, but I have found that a low firm voice can usually overpower a person who is yelling, so I'm uneasy with the idea of yelling back. If you yell back you could be considered part of the problem by management.