What She Couldn't Tell You - page 7

by CountryMomma

14,177 Views | 82 Comments

We've all met this type of mom before. It's 2330, her 8 year old daughter is struggling to breathe, and you know for a fact you saw them two weeks ago for the same thing. You also know for a fact you gave her a prescription for... Read More


  1. 3
    Fantastic post, really resonates with me, from the mother's standpoint. I once arrived at ER with a dislocated jaw, due to assault - they fixed me up, and told me to wait to see the social worker, I had a nice male nurse, but he was so obviously busy..I had broken down in tears in triage, he immediately asked me who did this to you?.. the social worker never appeared - too busy with other cases that night. I was a mother in a big city, alone at the ER, family overseas. I often think back to this -it was a real low point, getting on the subway, alone in pain, no money for a taxi to the hospital. I hope to work with domestic violence victims in the future. I've had a lot of mean things said to me from some of my family, comments to the effect of "you should have just left, you asked for this by staying when you knew it was bad", some formerly close family members completely turned their backs on me and left me feeling as if I'd done wrong all because I borrowed some money to leave, which I since paid back...the ignorance of these female family members hurt as much as the emotional abuse from my spouse, I felt terrible. There are people I find myself editing details in front of because their ignorance about domestic violence...this is why I hope to use my experiences to reach others, understanding is so important and domestic violence is a very complex thing. Safe Horizon NYC is an excellent resource for learning about domestic violence. Thanks for a wonderful post - I was a frequent flier in ER with my son, some of it was due to extreme anxiety brought on by abuse I think. I got zero support from my spouse everytime my son was sick, it was like a huge inconvenience to him and I was left totally alone, I couldn't even run things by him and I was isolated from family - so Id often end up in ER, feeling I had to be cautious.
    BCgradnurse, NRSKarenRN, and poppycat like this.
  2. 0
    I'm sorry. I understand everyone has a story to tell. But if this is true she is a poor mother. If you have a kid you put them 1st. By being not calling the police, not reporting all this she is endangering her child. If a woman wants to stay in that sort of relationship, fine. Don't do it to your children then hide behind some "battered woman's syndrome"

    Now everyone you can ream me. Go ahead, but nothing will change my mind.
    Last edit by madwife2002 on Dec 29, '13 : Reason: TOS
  3. 0
    Quote from squatmunkie_RN
    I'm sorry. I understand everyone has a story to tell. But if this is true she is a poor mother. If you have a kid you put them 1st. By being not calling the police, not reporting all this she is endangering her child. If a woman wants to stay in that sort of relationship, fine. Don't do it to your children then hide behind some "battered woman's syndrome"

    Now everyone you can ream me. Go ahead, but nothing will change my mind.
    SHAME ON YOU!!! Until you have walked in this woman's shoes, reserve your uneducated and cruel judgements. These situations are not that simple, and leaving is not as easy as you make it out to be. Physical and emotional abuse can leave you unable to think rationally. It is a form of brainwashing. I really hope you are able to keep these thoughts to yourself when treating patients. I have a feeling you're just as judgmental about other things.
  4. 3
    I think who people Monday-morning quarter back DV, I think about the Stanford prison experiment; anyone can become a perpetrator or a victim:

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanf...son_experiment
    Esme12, BCgradnurse, and cardiacfreak like this.
  5. 2
    Quote from squatmunkie_RN
    I'm sorry. I understand everyone has a story to tell. But if this is true she is a poor mother. If you have a kid you put them 1st. By being not calling the police, not reporting all this she is endangering her child. If a woman wants to stay in that sort of relationship, fine. Don't do it to your children then hide behind some "battered woman's syndrome"

    Now everyone you can ream me. Go ahead, but nothing will change my mind.
    I don't know what makes me sadder - the fact that you are openly proud of your judgmental and harsh attitude towards your potential clients, or that you refuse even the idea of considering their point of view, their situation, and helping them out of it.

    Related to the initial article - oh, the Fe++.
    Guttercat and BCgradnurse like this.
  6. 2
    LadyFree, I remember watching a documentary about that. It was terrifying to watch people change, so suddenly. I think your comparison has merit, to be sure.
    Esme12 and BCgradnurse like this.
  7. 2
    Quote from BCgradnurse
    SHAME ON YOU!!! Until you have walked in this woman's shoes, reserve your uneducated and cruel judgements. These situations are not that simple, and leaving is not as easy as you make it out to be. Physical and emotional abuse can leave you unable to think rationally. It is a form of brainwashing. I really hope you are able to keep these thoughts to yourself when treating patients. I have a feeling you're just as judgmental about other things.
    So, if the dad beats the child to death, or the child dies of a severe asthma attack because the mom didn't have her medicine, who do you think the courts are going to hold responsible? Both parents. The mom for staying in that relationship and allowing a man to abuse her child is almost as bad as the abuser. She too will serve some jail time if the child winds up dead at the father's hands.
    imintrouble and SoldierNurse22 like this.
  8. 3
    Quote from Kooky Korky
    For those who have no sympathy for the abused, maybe you need to experience it in order to understand?
    What, again? No thanks. What a nonjudgmental, tolerant, nonviolent response (insert eye roll). I was rooting for the lady and mad at the mean ol' nurse until the part about the drunk husband in the car with the gun. I have a lot of sympathy and tolerance, but only up to a point. After that, well, I've done all I can (or had all I can tolerate) and it's up to you to get yourself out of your own mess.I stand by what I posted.I am sorry that the OP was in that situation and I hope she learned enough not to repeat the pattern.
  9. 3
    Quote from SoldierNurse22
    Yes, DV is a complicated issue, but in the end, it is that uncomplicated sense of self-preservation that often pulls a woman out of a DV situation. That prevailing logic that canigraduate and sionainnRN reference in their less than popular posts is eventually what saves them, and often times, we find ourselves wishing we had jumped ship earlier, because anyone who's been in a DV situation before knows that it just gets more and more intense the longer you stay.I find it ironic that those commenting here seem to assume that because one disagrees with mom's actions, they were never abused themselves. That mirrors the prejudice espoused in the story, perhaps even more so than the original storyline.
    Thank you.
  10. 0
    SionainnRN

    When I said the mother is a GOOD mother for taking her child to the ER when her child had difficulty breathing I said a GOOD mother and I was referring to
    a) the child needs emergency treatment - she knew this and took action - to the ER and
    b) a GOOD mother because she si taking her kid who needs EMERGENCY treatment to the ER KNOWING that the nurse is judging her, for being there but doing it anyway - WHY? because her daughter needs treatment. I was referring to that GOOD when I said she is being a good Mom.


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