What She Couldn't Tell You - page 3

by CountryMomma 14,759 Views | 82 Comments

We've all met this type of mom before. It's 2330, her 8 year old daughter is struggling to breathe, and you know for a fact you saw them two weeks ago for the same thing. You also know for a fact you gave her a prescription for... Read More


  1. 4
    This was a moving article, and wanted to mention I just finished my first semester. My clinical instructor was sure to tell us during a Communications lecture that we should always ask our patients, "Do you feel safe at home?" The experiences she shared with us having worked in a women's shelter will always stick with me. Sometimes it is thought men are less sensitive to these kinds of issues than women, since men aren't as often the victims, but I will never take this subject lightly when I'm an RN.
    vintagemother, BCgradnurse, poppycat, and 1 other like this.
  2. 4
    Putting aside the issue of possible abuse that may or may not be a factor in this case, if we had national healthcare at least this child would have an inhaler, but instead many people are forced to go without medicare care and medicine over cost! It shouldn't be this way and if we had routine national healthcare like almost every other civilized country it wouldn't leave a child without medication! I have asthma and since they changed over CFB's and ozone it now costs $50+ for an albuterol inhaler and combivent and all the other prevention inhalers are even more! Other countries provide health care and medicine for their people practically free, but not the good old USA where profit has to be involved in every transaction so that the for profits and pharmaceutical industry can get their cut!

    Instead of a sane, fair, humane universal healthcare system, we have a patchwork system where you have to beg and plead and jump thru hoops for healthcare or spend thousands out of your pocket in premiums and even then thousands more if you actually need healthcare! If you're poor and without health insurance you can stand in line at a free clinic and hope they see you before they close for the day or run to the ER where you can't be turned away! At the very least the hospital should be able to provide an inhaler for the child and then charge the govt medicaid program! A person can die without a rescue inhaler, especially children as asthma is even more dangerous in children!

    As for abuse, it is very sad that this can sometimes be an issue, but it doesn't have to be! In America women are allowed to work and live independently of a man, unlike other countries where women are unable to go to school or work or live free! Also there are shelters for women escaping abusive relationships if they would only take the first step and get help and get away from an abusive person. If women would recognize their own power and ability they would realize they don't need a man. I see a lot of desperate women who will put up with just about anything to not be alone! A relationship might be the ideal but only if the man is a decent human being in the first place, otherwise you are better off being single and safe!
    Last edit by brandy1017 on Dec 24, '13
    nursejohio, Kooky Korky, jalyc RN, and 1 other like this.
  3. 13
    To those that have no sympathy for the woman in this story - I am happy for you, as it shows that you have most likely never suffered physical or psychological abuse. I know from experience that it can be very frustrating to see women in these situations who seem to "refuse to help themselves." But unless we ourselves are in the same situation, we have no way of knowing how it feels. Fear, guilt, depression, low self-esteem - all of these emotions/conditions can be very crippling. Saying "Why doesn't she just go to a shelter?" is the equivalent of telling the patient with severe clinical depression, "Why don't you just snap out of it? Take a shower! Get a job!" It is just not that simple.

    Perhaps think of turning your righteous anger into some kind of purposeful action. Get educated about how to help these women. Then go do it.
  4. 0
    Powerful!
  5. 7
    Quote from brandy1017
    Putting aside the issue of possible abuse that may or may not be a factor in this case, if we had national healthcare at least this child would have an inhaler, but instead many people are forced to go without medicare care and medicine over cost! It shouldn't be this way and if we had routine national healthcare like almost every other civilized country it wouldn't leave a child without medication! I have asthma and since they changed over CFB's and ozone it now costs $50+ for an albuterol inhaler and combivent and all the other prevention inhalers are even more! Other countries provide health care and medicine for their people practically free, but not the good old USA where profit has to be involved in every transaction so that the for profits and pharmaceutical industry can get their cut!

    Instead of a sane, fair, humane universal healthcare system, we have a patchwork system where you have to beg and plead and jump thru hoops for healthcare or spend thousands out of your pocket in premiums and even then thousands more if you actually need healthcare! If you're poor and without health insurance you can stand in line at a free clinic and hope they see you before they close for the day or run to the ER where you can't be turned away! At the very least the hospital should be able to provide an inhaler for the child and then charge the govt medicaid program! A person can die without a rescue inhaler, especially children as asthma is even more dangerous in children!

    As for abuse, it is very sad that this can sometimes be an issue, but it doesn't have to be! In America women are allowed to work and live independently of a man, unlike other countries where women are unable to go to school or work or live free! Also there are shelters for women escaping abusive relationships if they would only take the first step and get help and get away from an abusive person. If women would recognize their own power and ability they would realize they don't need a man. I see a lot of desperate women who will put up with just about anything to not be alone! A relationship might be the ideal but only if the man is a decent human being in the first place, otherwise you are better off being single and safe!
    That's the problem the abuser has taken away the power by being physically and psychologically abusive. If you tell a child over and over he/she is stupid they will eventually believe you. The same is true for a person in a DV situation, if you tell them enough times they are worthless and nobody wants them, follow that up with a few punches for good measure and then do it regularly they will eventually believe it too. Then don't forget that after the abuser does those things he will often show some type of affection to make the person think that they do love them. It is a vicious cycle and as nurses we need to be educated on the patterns and s/s of abuse.
    MBARNBSN, Baubo516, CountryMomma, and 4 others like this.
  6. 5
    This was a very moving piece, and serves as a good reminder that things are not always what they seem to be.
    Kooky Korky, HikingEDRN, poppycat, and 2 others like this.
  7. 16
    I'd like to thank everyone for their responses. Yes, even the responses that might not have agreed with my point of view, because with that input we were able to achieve what I had hoped - an open dialogue about domestic violence and nursing's responsibility.

    I'd like to say one thing to the few that disapproved of the mother. While I am so glad that you have never had the horrible fortune of being in a "relationship" like this, nor have you been intimately exposed to one, I am saddened that you are unwilling or incapable of sympathy and withholding judgment. The nurse in the story may perhaps be your mirror image.

    To know that some have read this story and were deeply moved or driven to change their nursing practices makes me profoundly grateful.

    That woman was my mother.
  8. 4
    Quote from CountryMomma
    That woman was my mother.
    Ohmygoodness...I did not see that coming...I am so sorry that you and your mother went through that. Thank you so much for sharing your story...for humanizing domestic violence...you can just never know what the person in front of you is dealing with in private.
    poppycat, cardiacfreak, Lev <3, and 1 other like this.
  9. 2
    Quote from Baubo516
    To those that have no sympathy for the woman in this story - I am happy for you, as it shows that you have most likely never suffered physical or psychological abuse. I know from experience that it can be very frustrating to see women in these situations who seem to "refuse to help themselves." But unless we ourselves are in the same situation, we have no way of knowing how it feels. Fear, guilt, depression, low self-esteem - all of these emotions/conditions can be very crippling. Saying "Why doesn't she just go to a shelter?" is the equivalent of telling the patient with severe clinical depression, "Why don't you just snap out of it? Take a shower! Get a job!" It is just not that simple.

    Perhaps think of turning your righteous anger into some kind of purposeful action. Get educated about how to help these women. Then go do it.
    ^^^^ This
    Baubo516 and SageFemmeReveur like this.
  10. 3
    This made me tear up. Even more so when you said the women was your mother. It's so heartbreaking and I send hugs to you and anyone that's ever been in that situation.
    Baubo516, HikingEDRN, and poppycat like this.


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