What She Couldn't Tell You - page 2

We've all met this type of mom before. It's 2330, her 8 year old daughter is struggling to breathe, and you know for a fact you saw them two weeks ago for the same thing. You also know for a fact you... Read More

  1. Visit  CDub72} profile page
    0
    Very powerful message in this "story". Good read, thank you for sharing.
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  3. Visit  cardiacfreak} profile page
    8
    Quote from canigraduate
    Definitely. If my husband is drunk in the car with a gun, I sure as heck am not putting my daughter back in with him so he can kill all three of us. The first thing I would do would be say something and get the cops over there. I have no sympathy for people who actively endanger their children and themselves.
    I hope you never have to encounter domestic violence. I agree with RNmo she is a prisoner. Did you know that it takes a woman several times to successfully disengage from the abuser? Did you know that when the victim finally does leave that is when she is in the most danger?

    I keep referring to the victim as a female and that is wrong of me because there are men out there who are abused.

    What if you were that nurse that could help someone who was being abused? You have already failed the person because you have no sympathy.
  4. Visit  sapphire18} profile page
    6
    Quote from SionainnRN
    This may get me flamed, but for every story like this how many others are the parent is irresponsible and wastes money on things they don't need (drugs and alcohol) and honestly just don't care about their kids? I feel for the woman in the story, but these are also the consequences of her actions, who she chose to have a child with. There are people who can help, services set up for her and her kid, but to do nothing condones the actions of the abuser. And a felon being drunk with a gun is a perfect time to have the cops called on him for his third strike.
    Not every state has the three strikes law...in fact only about half of them do.

    What do you think is going to happen to mom and child when the abuser gets out? As another poster stated, the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is after she leaves. Don't you think she would if she could? It seems some nursing programs need to step up their education on domestic violence. In each hospital I have worked in, every single patient is asked about domestic violence upon assessment in the ER...I would hope that ER staff would have adequate training and education on the topic.

    OP- your post was heart-breakingly beautiful. Keep up the writing.
    Anderson11, MBARNBSN, RH_Fan, and 3 others like this.
  5. Visit  sapphire18} profile page
    0
    Quote from dncnontheclouds
    This was powerful and a very good reminder! Thank you for posting I wish there was a way for me to share it
    If you're on a computer (not sure for phones), there's a bar on the right side of the screen where you can share threads on various social media sites.
  6. Visit  SionainnRN} profile page
    7
    Quote from sapphire18
    Not every state has the three strikes law...in fact only about half of them do. What do you think is going to happen to mom and child when the abuser gets out? As another poster stated, the most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is after she leaves. Don't you think she would if she could? It seems some nursing programs need to step up their education on domestic violence. In each hospital I have worked in, every single patient is asked about domestic violence upon assessment in the ER...I would hope that ER staff would have adequate training and education on the topic. OP- your post was heart-breakingly beautiful. Keep up the writing.
    Yes we have screening but we can only help the people that help themselves by asking for help. So it's better for her and her child to stay in such dangerous situations? Then there's no point in domestic violence shelters? We can't force people to get help but saying how brave she is and what a great mother she is is just bull. The good and brave mother gets her child out if that situation and doesn't let her grow up seeing her mom used as a punching bag.
  7. Visit  poppycat} profile page
    9
    Having endured an abusive marriage, I can totally relate to this story. Fortunately, we didn't have any children. It is extremely difficult to leave an abuser & feel safe doing so. You ARE a prisoner. I was not allowed to have friends or visit my family on a regular basis. When he hit me, he was very careful not to leave bruises where others could see. I was allowed to go to work & come home. Period.

    The abuser convinces you that no one else will ever want you so he's the only one you can depend on. It is a horrible situation to be in. I thank God every day that I was able to get out of that marriage alive & get the help I needed. Not everyone is that lucky.
    MBARNBSN, Lev <3, RH_Fan, and 6 others like this.
  8. Visit  mmtorrez89} profile page
    1
    Very powerful. Thank you . I find myself judging and I feel guilty afterwards. Especially in the emergency room there is alot of judgment passed.
    sapphire18 likes this.
  9. Visit  sjalv} profile page
    4
    This was a moving article, and wanted to mention I just finished my first semester. My clinical instructor was sure to tell us during a Communications lecture that we should always ask our patients, "Do you feel safe at home?" The experiences she shared with us having worked in a women's shelter will always stick with me. Sometimes it is thought men are less sensitive to these kinds of issues than women, since men aren't as often the victims, but I will never take this subject lightly when I'm an RN.
    vintagemother, BCgradnurse, poppycat, and 1 other like this.
  10. Visit  brandy1017} profile page
    4
    Putting aside the issue of possible abuse that may or may not be a factor in this case, if we had national healthcare at least this child would have an inhaler, but instead many people are forced to go without medicare care and medicine over cost! It shouldn't be this way and if we had routine national healthcare like almost every other civilized country it wouldn't leave a child without medication! I have asthma and since they changed over CFB's and ozone it now costs $50+ for an albuterol inhaler and combivent and all the other prevention inhalers are even more! Other countries provide health care and medicine for their people practically free, but not the good old USA where profit has to be involved in every transaction so that the for profits and pharmaceutical industry can get their cut!

    Instead of a sane, fair, humane universal healthcare system, we have a patchwork system where you have to beg and plead and jump thru hoops for healthcare or spend thousands out of your pocket in premiums and even then thousands more if you actually need healthcare! If you're poor and without health insurance you can stand in line at a free clinic and hope they see you before they close for the day or run to the ER where you can't be turned away! At the very least the hospital should be able to provide an inhaler for the child and then charge the govt medicaid program! A person can die without a rescue inhaler, especially children as asthma is even more dangerous in children!

    As for abuse, it is very sad that this can sometimes be an issue, but it doesn't have to be! In America women are allowed to work and live independently of a man, unlike other countries where women are unable to go to school or work or live free! Also there are shelters for women escaping abusive relationships if they would only take the first step and get help and get away from an abusive person. If women would recognize their own power and ability they would realize they don't need a man. I see a lot of desperate women who will put up with just about anything to not be alone! A relationship might be the ideal but only if the man is a decent human being in the first place, otherwise you are better off being single and safe!
    Last edit by brandy1017 on Dec 24, '13
    nursejohio, Kooky Korky, jalyc RN, and 1 other like this.
  11. Visit  Baubo516} profile page
    13
    To those that have no sympathy for the woman in this story - I am happy for you, as it shows that you have most likely never suffered physical or psychological abuse. I know from experience that it can be very frustrating to see women in these situations who seem to "refuse to help themselves." But unless we ourselves are in the same situation, we have no way of knowing how it feels. Fear, guilt, depression, low self-esteem - all of these emotions/conditions can be very crippling. Saying "Why doesn't she just go to a shelter?" is the equivalent of telling the patient with severe clinical depression, "Why don't you just snap out of it? Take a shower! Get a job!" It is just not that simple.

    Perhaps think of turning your righteous anger into some kind of purposeful action. Get educated about how to help these women. Then go do it.
  12. Visit  madwife2002} profile page
    0
    Powerful!
  13. Visit  cardiacfreak} profile page
    7
    Quote from brandy1017
    Putting aside the issue of possible abuse that may or may not be a factor in this case, if we had national healthcare at least this child would have an inhaler, but instead many people are forced to go without medicare care and medicine over cost! It shouldn't be this way and if we had routine national healthcare like almost every other civilized country it wouldn't leave a child without medication! I have asthma and since they changed over CFB's and ozone it now costs $50+ for an albuterol inhaler and combivent and all the other prevention inhalers are even more! Other countries provide health care and medicine for their people practically free, but not the good old USA where profit has to be involved in every transaction so that the for profits and pharmaceutical industry can get their cut!

    Instead of a sane, fair, humane universal healthcare system, we have a patchwork system where you have to beg and plead and jump thru hoops for healthcare or spend thousands out of your pocket in premiums and even then thousands more if you actually need healthcare! If you're poor and without health insurance you can stand in line at a free clinic and hope they see you before they close for the day or run to the ER where you can't be turned away! At the very least the hospital should be able to provide an inhaler for the child and then charge the govt medicaid program! A person can die without a rescue inhaler, especially children as asthma is even more dangerous in children!

    As for abuse, it is very sad that this can sometimes be an issue, but it doesn't have to be! In America women are allowed to work and live independently of a man, unlike other countries where women are unable to go to school or work or live free! Also there are shelters for women escaping abusive relationships if they would only take the first step and get help and get away from an abusive person. If women would recognize their own power and ability they would realize they don't need a man. I see a lot of desperate women who will put up with just about anything to not be alone! A relationship might be the ideal but only if the man is a decent human being in the first place, otherwise you are better off being single and safe!
    That's the problem the abuser has taken away the power by being physically and psychologically abusive. If you tell a child over and over he/she is stupid they will eventually believe you. The same is true for a person in a DV situation, if you tell them enough times they are worthless and nobody wants them, follow that up with a few punches for good measure and then do it regularly they will eventually believe it too. Then don't forget that after the abuser does those things he will often show some type of affection to make the person think that they do love them. It is a vicious cycle and as nurses we need to be educated on the patterns and s/s of abuse.
    MBARNBSN, Baubo516, CountryMomma, and 4 others like this.
  14. Visit  BCgradnurse} profile page
    5
    This was a very moving piece, and serves as a good reminder that things are not always what they seem to be.
    Kooky Korky, HikingEDRN, poppycat, and 2 others like this.


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