It may be really hard to think of this, but I think it may help you if you really try to see your worth in this situation from the heart!
Being a partner of a survivor gives you a unique view from the patients and patients family's perspective. I find this to be a very helpful and useful thing! You can also be seen by a patient and family as representing hope, since your wife is a survior! You have the ability to present help, hope, empathy, and compassion by doing your best, sharing your story. You will make a connection with patients far more than someone that hasn't been there! This is a gift...and one that needs to be seen and appreciated
When confronted with situations that I am uncomfortable with, I do what I call "inside mirror". My theory...one can always see fault when looking at at mirror, they see the outside and wish to change things...but what about feelings? I find that when I keep a journal of what I am feeling (five minutes a day or even every other day...heck PRN if you don't have much time or energy) I can actually see my feelings/thoughts at face value...like a mirror to myself! Then I can change the way I feel about things, or accept them as valid and work around them
I really felt this helped me a TON, maybe if you have time or the will to do it...it will help you as much as it has helped me! Heck, I felt I deserved a little time to myself to write...and it is now my 'alone time' that my family respects (whew...I was never allowed to have my own time..now I do!). It is great to see how I think and feel...and know I can really see my own self worth much clearer!
Good luck to you
Oh yeah, btw my husband is a heart attack survivor and I found out that I have been frightened for now 3 years in the back of my mind! He too talks of not being here in 5-10 years, and makes me feel that way too despite telling him that is crazy! It effects my job when I know that my sweetheart could die at any time or I may not have a future, and hindered my own drive to help others...since doing my journal I finally realized it was happeneing (I hid it for so long..it was just brewing in some recess of my mind somewhere, bubbling up at times). The journal helped me to put my fears in persepective and realize I had a patients/family view of serious life threatening conditions, and could really relate to so many! That really helped me to overcome my own upsets and fears...I turned a negative into a positive! Takes time, but with the right goals...it can be achieved