Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 95

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from rph3664
    A lot of them were raised with the belief that they had to "go" at least once a day, and if they didn't, they were given laxatives and enemas.

    I predict that you will see less of that as the baby boomers age, and in the years to come, people won't be as concerned about their bowel habits unless they really ARE constipated.
    omg i feel sorry for ANY nurse that ends up taking care of MY mother! she's been obsessed with her bowels for 20 yrs and shes only 59. i think i'm just going to say "im sorry" to anyone before they enter her room, lol. it's gonna be awful, lol. i'm allready planning which drugs i'm gonna tell them to drug her up with. so far i'm thinking...haldol, geodon, xanax, ativan and valium. all scheduled round the clock! whatcha think?
  2. by   southernbeegirl
    to my new PIA female patient that threatens to call her family if you don't comply with her every request within one minute...

    go ahead! call them! maybe they can come help you because I'M BUSY!
  3. by   Lovely_RN
    I had a patient say do I have to call my wife? I bust out laughing because the way they said it gave me a Madea flashback. It was from Diary of a Mad Black Woman when Madea said:

    Brenda: That's it I'm calling the police.
    Madea: I aint scared a no po po. Call da po po hoe... Call da po po hoe.


    Quote from southernbeegirl
    to my new PIA female patient that threatens to call her family if you don't comply with her every request within one minute...

    go ahead! call them! maybe they can come help you because I'M BUSY!
  4. by   Angie1011
    Memo to all my future patients...

    If you can...

    -Eat three servings of lunch.
    -Move the furniture around in your room.
    -Jump up and down on the bed playing video games.
    -Press the call bell roughly every 3.2 seconds so I can locate a new, more 'exciting' game for you to jump up and down to.
    -Eat a sandwich as I attempt to palpate your 'tender' abdomen and almost have to consider a WWF hold to wrestle said sandwich from you...

    Then please don't tell me your pain score is a 10 out of 10!! If you would like a pain score of 10/10... based on your behaviour, I would be MORE than happy to arrange that for you.
  5. by   tvccrn
    Quote from Virgo_RN
    Drop in a CVAD during chest compressions?
    Yeah, we used to do it all the time. I no longer work in the ER so I don't know if they still do or not. But, I would think it's better than trying to get on IO on an adult.
  6. by   Riseupandnurse
    "No, Mrs. PIA, I really can't call the doctor to get that (enema, vitamin, heating pad) ordered for you. It is too bad you didn't think to ask him when he was here an hour ago. It is Saturday and he is very busy. And no, Mr. Impatient, I will not call your doctor to tell him you want him to come right now to discharge you. He will not care. What's that you say? You both think you ought to call these doctors yourselves? Great idea; fantastic!!! Let me send the CNA in to help you dial the numbers. It's about time the doctors take some of this heat for themselves, as we nurses are sick of it."
  7. by   ohmeowzer RN
    i need to be fed.... the patient came from home , lived alone took care of herself she comes to the hospital and suddenly becomes helpless.... i would love to say " your arms arn't broken use them, how dare you ask us to feed you , lazy cow"

    a pt called every 10 minutes for nothing she's 35 and thinks you are her maid.. you go in the room and she says " you look tired" and then tells you "i just have 5 things for you to do" and they are stupid things like pulling up their covers or pouring her water . i would love to say " you see i look tired and you give me a list of stuff you can do yourself , you no good sack of garbage stop calling for stupid things"

    ahh it feels good to daydream.... ahh nice....
  8. by   psalm
    Quote from acminorRN
    "How do you wipe yourself at home?" I get tired of lazy patients who can walk and eat without help, but call you in the room to wipe them when they get off the BSC. Are you serious!


    Yes!! How do you do it at home? We want to help you achieve as much of your ADLs by yourself, it is what we do.
  9. by   Virgo_RN
    Quote from tvccrn
    Yeah, we used to do it all the time. I no longer work in the ER so I don't know if they still do or not. But, I would think it's better than trying to get on IO on an adult.
    Why would central access be better? IO is faster, cheaper, easier, and has fewer complications, and is appropriate for all ages.
    Last edit by Virgo_RN on Jun 9, '09
  10. by   nyteshade
    1. I don't care what you read on webMD, you are NOT the MD!

    2. My favorite one: Family member you've never seen before: "My mother (fill in whatever 99 problems here)" Me: "Who is your mother? I've got a bunch of old ladies here, you gotta be more specific than that!"

    3. No, I will not lift you up by myself...look at me...I'm not even 1/4 of you!

  11. by   I love my cat!
    I would LURV to say:"
    "No. I do not want to see the 25 Sonograms of your fetus. No. I do not think it is "so unique and beautiful. All sonograms of any fetus look exactly the same to me. Heck, had you not been told which part of the Sonogram is the a-hole and which part is the mouth...you wouldn't be able to tell the difference either!"
  12. by   rph3664
    Quote from I love my cat!
    I would LURV to say:"
    "No. I do not want to see the 25 Sonograms of your fetus. No. I do not think it is "so unique and beautiful. All sonograms of any fetus look exactly the same to me. Heck, had you not been told which part of the Sonogram is the a-hole and which part is the mouth...you wouldn't be able to tell the difference either!"
    OT: A few years ago, my co-worker's daughter had her hair cut for Locks of Love, and Mom took FIFTY-FOUR pictures of this. And she made sure every one of us saw all of them, too. Must have kept a chart.
  13. by   blueheaven
    If you can lay on the d+++ call light every 5 seconds (spasms of the call light finger), request snacks, liquids, empty my urinal etc. You have no business in my MICU! Same goes for the families! No, dad does not need a drink of water-he's had a keofeed for over a week and getting tube feeds! No, he doesn't need a blanket either-he's running a temperature of 103!

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