Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 79

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from ozoneranger
    When I worked Baylor weekends, family members would come out into the hall and ask me "are you the only person working today" or "where is everybody, this place was swarming with nurses yesterday."
    I'd have loved to have been honest & said "it's the weekend, where we're expected to accomplish as much as they do during the week, but with 1/3rd the staff."
    Amen!!!

    i'm the weekend nursing supervisor at our facility. people kill me! why do they think that i can help them with their bill, schedule appts with doctors, tell them when their family member is going to be discharge or tell them how they are doing in therapy. i'd love to say "you idiot! does 'business hours' mean ANYTHING to you???"
  2. by   southernbeegirl
    to the schizophrenic man in 6 that we are supposed to be 'rehabing'....

    if you call 911 again to discuss your electric bill or if you call the ambulance service one more time to complain about the food or complain about the clothes the hospital lost...i'm gonna stick that phone up your nose!
  3. by   firstyearstudent
    Don't get mad at me, I didn't give you leukemia!

    Stop treatment for yourself (your family member) and get a DNR order. You're going to go through hell and then die anyway.

    Stop whining,there are people here a lot sicker than you.

    For the duration of your stay here, tell your doctor you need IV Ativan around the clock and a lot of it. That's the only civilized way to deal with any of this.

    Think carefully before getting a MUD stem cell transplant. Chronic GVHD is worse than death.

    I am busy, you will wait for ice water.
    Last edit by firstyearstudent on Mar 2, '09
  4. by   **LaurelRN
    so mine would go something like this....

    1> lack of planing on your part, does not make it an emergency on my part.

    2>go ahead...keep yelling nurse...i'm refilling the syringe.

    3>were you not able to reach your butt when you came here??

    4>so let me guess.....you didn't do the drugs that came back on your tox screen....someone held you down against your will and forced them up your nose/down your throat/into every available vein in your body???

    5> no..i have never done this before....i just started today and you are my first patient.

    6>so since you are a rn/arnp/pa then you can explain to me how mom/dad/grandma/grandpa got those stage _(fill in stage_) wounds and how it is that they are so filthy...have you not heard of soap??

    7>ringing the call light every 5 minutes "because you're lonely" is not a good enough reason.

    8>this is not hotel...we are not at your beck and call...we are not burger king...we do not do it your way. no i will not bring you a six pack of coke and a couple of hot sandwiches so you can "entertain" your guests.

    9> i do not care that your family has not eaten all day....there is a cafeteria downstairs as well as many surrounding restaurants...i did not tell them to camp out here.

    10> no i do not know when the doctor will be here, no i will not call him.. and if you want the number, call 411.

    11>my favorite to fantasize telling someone......no, i will not call the doctor for more pain meds....he said no the last two times i called him....you were asleep the last time i came in to give your ordered med...and you are a pita!!!



    .....we can all dream huh???
    Last edit by **LaurelRN on Mar 5, '09 : Reason: typos
  5. by   ~Mi Vida Loca~RN
    Man I have to mark my page and come back and read tomorrow, I am sitting here crying from laughing so hard, I think I almost peed myself, waiting for someone to come take care of that for me! Some of these are to funny. It's way past my bed time though. Keep them coming even if they should be scaring me out of being a nurse LOL
  6. by   rph3664
    [quote=firstyearstudent;3473290]Stop treatment for yourself (your family member) and get a DNR order. You're going to go through hell and then die anyway.

    (cut)

    For the duration of your stay here, tell your doctor you need IV Ativan around the clock and a lot of it. That's the only civilized way to deal with any of this.
    [quote]

    This is what I would like to tell the oncologists whenever they order high dose chemo for lung or pancreatic cancer. Has ANYONE ever recovered from those diseases? I've never heard of it.
  7. by   chicookie
    Quote from laurelrn08

    5> no..i have never done this before....i just started today and you are my first patient.

    or that is when you say, "i saw this on youtube once. it looked easy enough." :chuckle
  8. by   squeakykitty
    To the pervert who keeps 'showing off'-----

    1. The world doesn't revolve around your penis.
    2. Life is not a porn movie.
    3. It's not that impressive anyway.
    4. We're not going to swoon at the sight of it, but we may fall down laughing.
  9. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from squeakykitty
    to the pervert who keeps 'showing off'-----

    1. the world doesn't revolve around your penis.
    2. life is not a porn movie.
    3. it's not that impressive anyway.
    4. we're not going to swoon at the sight of it, but we may fall down laughing.
    while i'd never say this to an actual patient, i did say it to a flasher in the park:

    "you're proud of that? it's the smallest one i've ever seen on a grown man!" he slunk away, pulling his clothing together as he went.
  10. by   firstyearstudent
    Quote from SoulShine75
    I must say this.... when my little boy (who is 4 and has leukemia) was hospitalized my husband asked for the bedside commode. My little man went poo and my husband asked for the call bell to tell the nurse to empty it. :angryfire I schooled him on that real quick. "Why would you have the nurse empty that when you have perfectly capable hands?" She appreciated that and me sooo much. It just goes to show that even though others intentions may not be bad, they think a hospital is equivalent to a hotel... live and learn and he did that night.
    I work on a hematology ward and, if a pt. has diarrhea, we don't want family dumping the commode pan. We have to measure the stool to include in the I/O and also know how bad the diarrhea is.
  11. by   tdern
    NO, mama is NOT getting better, she's going to go to the light. Do you hear that coughing and sputtering every time you shove something in her mouth? It's going in her lungs, that's why she can't breathe, that and the terminal lung cancer with mets! Oh, and yeah, I REALLY think she needs to be a full code because compressing an 89 pound, 90 year old chest is going to be such a success.
  12. by   firstyearstudent
    Quote from rph3664
    I saw an interview on CNN with such a family. It was a husband and wife, no kids, who did in-home day care - that was all they did - and were going to lose their $400,000 McMansion. When I heard about the day care, I thought at first that maybe they owned a chain, but no, that was their sole source of income. When they were interviewed, it was obvious that both were mildly mentally retarded.

    How do the slime who exploit people like this get through the day?

    I know people who are very irresponsible with their money, and I have learned the hard way that telling people that their financial problems are their own fault usually goes over about as well as telling them that the problems they're having with their children are their own fault. As Twinkerrs knows, that isn't always the case, but usually it is.

    My before-taxes income has slipped over the 6-figure mark and I drive an 8-year-old car with 100,000 miles on it. Some people ask me why, and I just tell them it's none of their business, but the fact is, it still runs so why should I replace it? Granted, I spent 2 hours in the shop this morning and have to come back, but hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix or replace it. JMHO.

    Twinkerrs, most people can tell the difference between an undisciplined child and a child who really does have issues. You can usually tell by the way the parents react. If they don't think the behavior is funny or cute, it's the child's wiring. JMHO.
    A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.
  13. by   Magsulfate
    Quote from firstyearstudent
    A $400,000 McMansion? Where did they live, Idaho? I live in L.A. and our hovel, well over $400,000 is less than 1,000 square feet, has one and half bedrooms, decrepit plumping and wiring dating from the '20s, one bathroom and a miniscule kitchen with no modern appliances. Plus it is in smack in the middle of gangland with schools so bad we have to drive your kids to a charter school in another school district! And plenty of folks who run in-home daycare around here make more than my salary and my husband's put together.
    They're not living in Cali. Where I live that price would buy you a very nice house in a very nice neighborhood.
    Last edit by Magsulfate on Mar 7, '09

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