Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Nurses Relations Video Nurse Life

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Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

Specializes in Psych, ER, Resp/Med, LTC, Education.

are we even still talking about the original thread....or even about a nursing related topic here???????????? LOL

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
"please refrain from buying sex toys at home depot. that tube of caulk will not come out the same way it went in."

"may i write "stupid" across your forehead as i mark the swelling from your rattlesnake bite? i'd like you to remember not to pick up "dead" snakes."

that post lacks a "beverage alert." i nearly spewed my beverage across my computer screen when trying not to laugh out loud. now the resident thinks i'm demented -- which is making it difficult to convince her that my patient needs haldol!

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

"I'll get you another blanket and be back in about five minutes." (It's the end of September and you've been griping about just how %^$@ hot it is in here all day...) When what I would LIKE to say instead is, "Yes, despite the fact that I went before I left home 11 and a half hours ago, I really really really do have to pee again. Honest..." :o(Despite the fact that the only liquid that has wet my throat in the past 6 hours is a little bit of spit...) I bite my tongue again.:uhoh3:

"Please refrain from buying sex toys at Home Depot. That tube of caulk will not come out the same way it went in."

Was the tube intact, or was it just the contents that had to be removed?

Specializes in Critical care, neuroscience, telemetry,.

The whole tube, my friend. The whole tube.

Gotta love those general surgeons...........

The whole tube, my friend. The whole tube.

Gotta love those general surgeons...........

With the spike on the end of it, and everything?

:bugeyes:

Things I would love to say?

"You have a pain rating of ten? Really? Wow, you must handle pain really well. The only time I had a pain of ten was during unmedicated childbirth, and during the height of that, there was no way I could have been talking on the phone, eating hamburgers or sleeping the way you are doing! Congratulations, you have a seriously high tolerance for pain!"

"that's great that you'd like a diet black cherry vanilla coke with a little umbrella in it. I'd like a Martini after dealing with your butt. If wishes were horses, we'd all ride."

"No, I don't know when the doctor is coming in. They don't answer to us. We are not in control of them. Sorry that you only come in for ten minutes a day with Grandma Millie and want the physician here to answer your questions right away so you're not late for your nail appt."

"I realize you are claiming that we never gave you your call bell, but the truth is that your call ball was lost in your abdominal skin folds. Yes, it might be time to think about weight reduction".

"Hello, welcome to XYZ hospital: let's get three things straight off the bat: We don't control phyicians, we don't control dietary, and most important, you can save the drama for your mama: Pretending to wail when we come in the room won't score you anymore Dilaudid."

Specializes in Critical care, neuroscience, telemetry,.

Yep. How else are you gonna get it started in?

Unfortunately, the bluntness on the other end precluded it coming out in the same way it went in. Try explaining THAT scenario to an ER physician......

Specializes in Geriatrics, Home Health.

I grew up in a small town, before HIPAA. I was in a community band with a lot of EMTs. They had the best stories.

lil' girl, you are right that some patients abuse the call bell, but some nurses are downright nasty when the call bell is rung.

After my 3rd child was born my legs were red, hot, and extremely painful. I could not move my legs at all. This includes moving from one side to the next in bed.

From when I was little I don't remember ever taking advantage of anyone and was always self sufficient. Being so, I did not bother calling the nurse for help because I understood she has other patients too. When she came into my room I told her with tears that I have severe pain and I cannot move my legs. I asked her for pain relief or a dressing to relieve it. Since it was very late she apologized that the doctor is not in and therefore, she cannot help me because she needs a doctor's order. While at it I asked for a bedpan because I could not move.

I was up most of the night in excruciating pain without anyone doing anything. (The doctor could not be reached) After a few hours I needed to urinate again, but did not want to disturb the nurses, so I decided to wait. After a while I had no choice and rang the bell. No response. I waited half an hour. still no response. After another half an hour I rang again. Again, no response. 2 hours later I rang the call bell again. The nurse started screaming at me on the top of her lungs what I want. I burst out crying. My bladder felt like it was going to burst. I was in more pain than ever and worst of all, after being ignored for such a long time I was being yelled at.

I ended up staying 2 extra days at the hospital. What if I would have had deep vein thrombosis? These nurses simply ignored something that could have had a bad outcome while being downright nasty.

Now, as a nurse, I still cannot explain that. I never raised my voice or said anything accusingly to the nurse.

Specializes in TCU,ICU,OHRR,PACU,5Solid Organ Transplan.

I had a bariatric patient complain that our B/P cuff hurt her arm. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't "our" cuff. I stopped by the zoo and stole it from the elephant's exhibit on my way to the doctor for the bulging disc I got just trying to kift her arm by myself. After all, her arm was as big as my waist.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
lil' girl, you are right that some patients abuse the call bell, but some nurses are downright nasty when the call bell is rung.

after my 3rd child was born my legs were red, hot, and extremely painful. i could not move my legs at all. this includes moving from one side to the next in bed.

from when i was little i don't remember ever taking advantage of anyone and was always self sufficient. being so, i did not bother calling the nurse for help because i understood she has other patients too. when she came into my room i told her with tears that i have severe pain and i cannot move my legs. i asked her for pain relief or a dressing to relieve it. since it was very late she apologized that the doctor is not in and therefore, she cannot help me because she needs a doctor's order. while at it i asked for a bedpan because i could not move.

i was up most of the night in excruciating pain without anyone doing anything. (the doctor could not be reached) after a few hours i needed to urinate again, but did not want to disturb the nurses, so i decided to wait. after a while i had no choice and rang the bell. no response. i waited half an hour. still no response. after another half an hour i rang again. again, no response. 2 hours later i rang the call bell again. the nurse started screaming at me on the top of her lungs what i want. i burst out crying. my bladder felt like it was going to burst. i was in more pain than ever and worst of all, after being ignored for such a long time i was being yelled at.

i ended up staying 2 extra days at the hospital. what if i would have had deep vein thrombosis? these nurses simply ignored something that could have had a bad outcome while being downright nasty.

now, as a nurse, i still cannot explain that. i never raised my voice or said anything accusingly to the nurse.

this is a vent thread. it's for venting. i'm sorry for your experience, but this is not the place for it.

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