Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 68

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   eriksoln
    Quote from truern
    Yeah, and half the time they took a pre-req or two and then dropped out...or they managed to pass NS yet failed NCLEX. Or worse, they *read* a lot of medical mysteries!!
    Or, even worse..........they watch House/Grey's Anatomy/E.R./Scrubs.
  2. by   psalm
    Quote from eriksoln
    Or, even worse..........they watch House/Grey's Anatomy/E.R./Scrubs.

    Yes! I've so wanted to say something "House-ish" to a patient but then, I'm "just a nurse" and can't get away with it, lol!!

    As in when a patient is begging for nausea meds while asking the aide for chocolate milk or a lunch box or eating fries from McDonald's...
  3. by   CubbyRN
    oh boy the things I wanted to say to my patient in 298B the other day...

    1. You have been on "oxycodone 30mg for thirty years" so you say even though you are only 40, FDA didn't approve that high of a dose to patients until 2006, and you have NOTHING physically wrong with you, you are in this hospital every two weeks to get your fix and get high, yet all of your tests remain negative. Now all of a sudden you claim that this oxycodone doesn't work for you anymore and you need Dilaudid every 5 minutes. If in fact you were on an illegal dose of oxy since you were 10 for no chronic health problems, then you have a tolerance issue and no you can not get Dilaudid IV ordered for you at home, get HELP! Stop taking me away from my patients who are having evolving MI's and NEED attention and pain medication for your Dilaudid that your doctor DIDN'T order because he knows you are an addict from the scum of the city, and no I am not going to get it for you anyway, I will gladly get you a social service consult because feeding into your addiction is not going to help you.

    2. You can throw things at me, threaten my license, verbally abuse me and swear at me and give me the guilt trip that you are suffering without your daily high, it is not going to change my mind.

    3. The only health problem you have is you are a diabetic which I will gladly educate you on and care for that. However, when your druggie friends are bringing in McDonalds and soda every five seconds because our 1800 ADA calorie diet is "killing you", expect me to enforce visiting hours and have our resource nurse/NIC take away the food that is causing you to have blood sugars in the 500s!!!!!

    4. Please stop refusing your insulin all of the time. When I check your blood glucose and it is in the 200-300s, stop telling me that that is a normal range for you and if it goes below 200 you will have a massive hypoglycemic episode. You constantly live in the 200-300s chem BG range, and you wonder why you are working up a diagnosis of renal failure.

    5. No I can not get you anymore Zofran, Reglan or Compazine. I find it an interesting correlation that whenever you know I cannot get you your pain med because it is not time and I do not want to administer NARCAN to you like you last nurse, you begin to throw up on me and force saliva to come out and call it throw up. We all know that you know exactly what drugs will boost your high when its not Morphine, oxy or Dilaudid time. If in fact you are truly nauseas, it is probably because you are constantly maxed out on narcotics!!! But of course you don't believe nor want to hear that.

    UGHHHH this was not a fun shift, I am sick of these people that drain the system, spend your tax dollars to get high, and take you away from the poor patients who truly need your time and attention. Thank God I am leaving that place Friday and starting in the OR! Phew sorry had to get that vent out!!!
  4. by   WoofyMutt80
    "UGHHHH this was not a fun shift, I am sick of these people that drain the system, spend your tax dollars to get high, and take you away from the poor patients who truly need your time and attention."

    I so wanted to say that to the lady I had with Munchausen's! She thought I could add her on for extra hours because she felt "she was entitled for my undivided attention" when she knew I had other clients, school and a life! She took away from other clients who really needed home care services thanks to her husband who got all the home care services and she was jealous that she didnt get the services that her husband got! Also her husband is hard of hearing and he would use it to his advantage to tune her crankiness out!
  5. by   eriksoln
    I've always wanted to tell people:

    Look. Its not hard to figure out. Just apply simple basic elementary school math and it will help you prioritise your call bell use/requests.

    I have 8 pts. I am here 8 hours. Take 1/2 hr for shift change twice (begin and end shift) for one hour. That leaves 7. Now, take about an hour and a half for documentation. Now we have 5 1/2 hours. So, 5.5 divided by 8 means I have about 2/3s of an hour to spend with you, or........40 minutes. So, if you want me to use your 40 minutes moving tissue boxes and fetching sprite.......its your time. But when your time is up, all used, its gone. May not get that dilaudid fix at the end of my shift cause someone who used their time more wisely will ask for it at the same time as you.
  6. by   AngelfireRN
    "I'm sorry, Ma'am, I can't cure stupidity, and you seem to have that in spades."

    To the woman who came in, wilder than a buck, insisting that the medicine her sister took would work wonders for her "because we're sisters and our bodies work the same". She told me that her sister gave her two teaspoons of this medicine and she slept like a baby. Then she handed me the empty bottle and asked for a script. I nearly died when I looked at it. It was Donnatol!

    I asked her if she was still taking her other meds and she said that she was not, that a friend had told her that the reason she was acting weird might be that she was allergic to them, so she stopped some, and started doubling others. And she expected me to make it all better IMMEDIATELY!
  7. by   squeakykitty
    No, this isn't a hotel. If you want hotel like service, go to the Hilton. I also should warn you, the maids there aren't nurses, and if you ask them for a sponge bath or to hold your penis while you pee, you will get a free transfer to the county hotel. You will get free room service there, and if you're nice enough, maybe one of the deputies will leave a mint on the pillow. Maybe.
  8. by   Magsulfate
    TO Dramatic older copd lady:
    "you can look at me like a mean devil all day long, I'm not your daughter, it doesn't bother me. You WILL get out of the bed today If you WANT TO LIVE.... Of course, if you just want to lay there and die, you CAN get your daughter to take care of you, and maybe you'll be able to manipulate her with your dirty looks, but, I don't feel sorry for you, GET UP, and walk so you can get better."

    I could come here every night, I LOVE this thread!
  9. by   diane227
    On the subject of hot sauce enemas, I hade a young girl come into the ED one night unconscious because her boyfriend had given her a tequila enema. She died.
  10. by   eriksoln
    Quote from diane227
    On the subject of hot sauce enemas, I hade a young girl come into the ED one night unconscious because her boyfriend had given her a tequila enema. She died.

    Wow. What a rollercoaster.

    I'm reading the post:

    I had a young girl come into the ED one night because her boyfriend gave her a tequila enema.

    At this point I am like ***.................


    Then: She died.

    Now I'm like

    Oh my, he is in trouble too I bet. Can I ask, maybe if you'd PM me, but how did that lead to death? What happened?
  11. by   diane227
    You know, these drug attached people are just a pain and I do tell them what their pain medicine schedule is and let them know that they can be on that call light every minute but I am not going to give it to them early. In terms of diet and her glucose, so be it. Every time I check your sugar and you refuse insulin, I am just going to document it. Everytime you eat stuff that you are not supposed to eat, I am going to tell you not to eat it and when you do I am just going to document. You are an adult and you can make choices for yourself. If you don't want to take care of yourself, why don't you just sign out AMA. I will get the paper work for you to sign. I HAVE told people this.
  12. by   sharpeimom
    When I was working on an ortho floor shortly after graduation, my patient needed to have her IV line changed and I went and got the necessary supplies. As I came back into the room, my LOL-type patient said very sweetly, "Why don't you just set that down and I'll wait for my daughter. You see, she's been a nurse for a lot longer than you have so she should probably do it instead." WHAT? When my assurances that I had done it many times before didn't change her mind, nor did reminding her her daughter lived out of state and didn't work at the hospital and wasn't licensed in the state failed to sway her, my charge finally did it. For her entire admission, she referred to me as, "that sweet child-nurse." All I could think of at the time was Archie Bunker's line, "I've made up my mind so don't confuse me with the facts..." when what I WANTED to say was "Keep it up and I'll have the doctor order you some nice Ativan in at least three different forms, including room spray and in one of your milkshakes!" AAARRRRUUUUGGGHHH!

    sharpeimom
  13. by   squeakykitty
    Quote from eriksoln
    Oh my, he is in trouble too I bet. Can I ask, maybe if you'd PM me, but how did that lead to death? What happened?
    I'm guessing her body absorbed too much alcohol way too fast, and it was an overdose.

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