Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 47

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   sharpeimom
    "Yes, I know your ___'s ____medicine may cause constipation and if s/he becomes constipated, we will deal with the problem then. Just because your drug side effects book that you bought when you grocery shopped, lists constipation as a POSSIBLE side effect of ___, does not mean your 20 year old ___ will become constipated. Even though this is psych and not med surg, we DO keep track of these things..."
    AAARRRRUUUGGGHHHH!!! :smackingf

    sharpeimom
  2. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from sharpeimom
    "Yes, I know your ___'s ____medicine may cause constipation and if s/he becomes constipated, we will deal with the problem then. Just because your drug side effects book that you bought when you grocery shopped, lists constipation as a POSSIBLE side effect of ___, does not mean your 20 year old ___ will become constipated. Even though this is psych and not med surg, we DO keep track of these things..."
    AAARRRRUUUGGGHHHH!!! :smackingf

    sharpeimom
    or how about...

    constipation? omg really?? i had no idea! can i borrow your book? i wonder what else we don't know!
  3. by   southernbeegirl
    i have to fess up what i did last week. one of my pts and her sister are the meanest old biddies you ever met! the sister called me "fat azs" and "wide load" cuz she was mad i wouldnt allow her sister to have ice chips when she had an order not to have them cuz she aspirates but they wouldnt sign a release.

    i couldnt help myself. i walked up and down the hall in front of their room going "beeep beeeep beeeep" with a wide load sign on my back that one of the other nurses made.

    im so going straight to hell, lol
  4. by   Riseupandnurse
    I actually said this about 2 a.m. on a night shift: "No, I assure you I did give you your sleeping pill several hours ago. I did not steal it and take it myself as you are accusing me of. The last thing I need on a night shift is a sleeping pill. It it were a caffeine pill, it might have tempted me, yes."
  5. by   wisedonkey
    OMG!!! This made me laugh out loud...so darn funny!! I saw a tee shirt for nurses on a website that said..."I will stop being a @#tch when you stop being an *@*hole". I bought it instantly. :chuckle
  6. by   Medic2RN
    The past couple of shifts I've had to deal with some horrendous family members....

    My patient arrives to the floor with a ton of orders to perform (many carried over from the ER - none of it done) ~ The family wants me to let the patient sleep, she's tired. They want a softer seat to sit on, they want all 10 family members to visit at once, they want the special mattress they had last time, they want a roll-away bed for tonight, etc...

    "SURE! I'll get these things right away! Can I get you some coffee since I'm near the machine? I have the time!
    What? Why is your father so pale, sweaty, a little bluish?
    Oh, don't worry. You see, he should be on oxygen, don't worry about that flashing '89%' and all of that beeping....oh and getting PRBCs since his hgb is 6.8, yes, that top number and bottom number ARE very low.....but hey - it's all about YOU!"
  7. by   nurse_dot
    I can totally relate to most of the posts here. I remember when I used to work in the Philippines. It is a secondary private hospital General Ward caters (Med-surg, OB, Pedia cases). If your lucky and there's 3 nurses on duty you can have 8-10 patients per shift but if not then sorry you have to deal with 15 demanding patients! We don't have nursing assistant.You have to monitor patient's on labor. We cant take the patient to the delivery room yet not until she is 7 CM!!! Imagine that! And you have to make sure that the patient will not deliver on the floor or else you will be suspended or fired! Plus you have to assist MD in making her rounds with the patients and write down his/her order in the chart and make sure to carry out the orders immediately.

    I hate it when the patient's relatives in is medical field trying to announce to the nurse station my sister is a nurse!! One time, I accompanied the attending physician to make rounds to her patient and the patient told the doctor can you please tell the nurse on duty to list all the medications they are giving me especially the IV meds and also all the procedure they are doing here please specify it all in writing coz you know my sister is a nurse too and she is kinda meticulous and she want to make sure your giving me the right meds! The doctor said " Oh really your sister is a nurse? What hospital is she working right now'? The patient answered, "She is not yet working because she havent taken the board exam yet". I was like what the hell! you are so demanding announcing to everybody almost threatening us that your sister is a nurse and she is not even licensed yet! Wait till you start working and you'll understand how is it to became a real nurse! Personally, as much as possible I dont want anybody to know Im a nurse when Im outside the hospital.

    Also when the patient telling me that his MD told him that he will be discharged today but I already explained hundred times that there's no doctor's order yet in the chart!!! The patient will say I want to go home!!! Yeah, what makes you think I want to keep you here!!! Yeah, please go home now!!! Here's the HAMA form you can sign here and then you can get out of here!!!

    When the patient saying , I dont like the service here! In other hospital they have nice facility, complete equipment, and attending the bell call right away... blablabala! Why you didnt go to that hospital instead!! So you will stop complaining about this hospital!

    I love my patients..but the nurse patient ratio of 1:10 really sucks! Makes me feel frustrated sometimes....Of course, I want to attend all the patient's needs and give the best nursing care I can possibly give but I only have 2 hands... I can't be in two places at the same time. I just hope that patients will have some considerations too that when they can do it by themselves and its not really urgent need please stop calling nurses every 20 minutes. We are nurses and not your maid. We have to prioritize which patient needs more attention that you do. I guess that's why they call it patients because you need to be very very very patient to your patients!!!!
  8. by   rph3664
    Quote from sharpeimom
    "Yes, I know your ___'s ____medicine may cause constipation and if s/he becomes constipated, we will deal with the problem then. Just because your drug side effects book that you bought when you grocery shopped, lists constipation as a POSSIBLE side effect of ___, does not mean your 20 year old ___ will become constipated. Even though this is psych and not med surg, we DO keep track of these things..."
    AAARRRRUUUGGGHHHH!!! :smackingf

    sharpeimom
    I go through this with my dad all the time. He was once given a 5-day course of prednisone and refused to take it because his drug guide said it could cause diabetes and osteoporosis.

    Yeah, if you take it for 5 YEARS!
  9. by   rph3664
    Quote from wisedonkey
    OMG!!! This made me laugh out loud...so darn funny!! I saw a tee shirt for nurses on a website that said..."I will stop being a @#tch when you stop being an *@*hole". I bought it instantly. :chuckle
    I've seen those in stores! They are available to the general public as well.

  10. by   SoundofMusic
    What I'd like to say to many of them is this: Our country is in crisis right now. We actually don't really HAVE the money to be treating you, so you're DAMN LUCKY that the law insists we keep you here and treat you. If you hate it SO much, want to be so uncompliant with everyhing we do -- then LEAVE. If you decide to stay, could you show the slightest hint of gratitude that you'e receiving care at all, in light of the fact you are either a. a charity case, or b. unemployed and uninsured. In other words -- be lucky you are getting care AT ALL!!!

    I know it sounds extremely mean -- but it's the hard, cold truth. So many are taking advantage of our health care system, yet do nothing to contribute towards the cost. Yet it is usually these same people who complain and resist the most. I don't get it.
  11. by   wisedonkey
    What year did you graduate from the Google University of Nursing/Medicine?
  12. by   a "too caring" cna
    Quote from psychrninny
    i have to say this is a fun thread to read!! lots of funny stuff!!
    i have to admit that working in psych i have more stories than i could tell you.....and have said somethings that well maybe were not the most therapeutic but........ however i do evals of psych patients when they first arrive and have wanted to say to the family with them at times........."okay so here is what i am thinking..........your whole family is absolutly nuts and i think we need to admit you all! maybe we could get you a family rate!"
    ........or "**** if i lived with you lady i would want to beat the crap out of you too!" (to the mother a peds patient who was assultive to his mom)
    .....or to the dellusional and grandiose patient who is really disgusting and continually trying to pick me up, with the "you know you want this baby" comments...."oh yes you're so right! how did you know......i would love to lose my nursing license to have the change to be with someone like you.....and the fact that you are too paranoid to shower thinking the water is contaminated to harm you.....i love to smelly dirty bum look...."!
    this is kind of sad to me. i have a son with paranoid sz and he doesn't try to pick up women, but he has to be reminded to shower and brush teeth, their cognitive thinking is very weak and need a lot of coaching. my son is genuine and caring, paranoid , yea, sorry you feel that way , if i'd not had a son with this disorder i would of never known how to care as i do for the mentally challenged, they are quite special and gifted. the stigma hurts. a too caring cna.
  13. by   Virgo_RN
    If your son doesn't try to pick up nurses, then I don't see how this vent applies to him.

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