Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it.

[AngelfireRN]

Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight.

I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave.

Yelling and hurling obscenities at me will not get you your pain meds any sooner than they are ordered. Nor will having your family member or entourage do the same.

Threatening lawsuits and having umpteen family members camp out in the halls or hold up the nurse's station will not get you preferential treatment.

Physically grabbing me as I go down the hall is NOT a good idea.

I do not give the orders, but I do have to follow/enforce them. This is something that you should take up with your doctor.

No, I will not call him again to ask him for more pain medicine. He has been called twice and has said no both times.

No, I will not give you his number so you can "straighten him out".

No, you are not my only patient, and I highly doubt that you are single-handedly paying my salary. On the off chance that you are, let's talk about a raise.

NO, NO, NO, I most empahatically will NOT come get you when it is time for your next pain shot while you are having a smoke break. I also will not bring it to you in the smoking room. (Have actually said that, I am allergic to cigarettes. I did it once, had an asthma attack, desatted to 83, and turned blue, according to the patient and my charge nurse, after the patient had to help me back to the floor).

No, I don't really care if your family has not eaten all day, they drove here by themselves, they are not sick, and no, I will not call for 6 guest trays. (This of course, is if the patient in question does not need all 6 family members present, and is not at death's door).

No, you may not have 3 six-packs of soda from the kitchen, there are other people that would like a snack, too.

No, they will not open up the kitchen up just for you, at 1 in the morning, because you don't like the snacks we have on the floor.

I could think of hundreds, but those will do for a start. I know it sounds mean, but this is why I got out of bedside nursing. When a hospital becomes the Hilton, I'm gone!

Have fun!

[NurseCherlove]

Quote

NO, I will NOT come back later. The twenty family members in your room 24/7 will have to step out for 15 minutes, so I can get these meds given and this procedure done. You need to run on our schedule, not your visitors' schedules. (I get soooooooo tired of being asked to "come back later". Then, when the pt is "ready now", they want you to drop everything and catch up with them.) :angryfire

Or how about when you go into the room to do their assessment, they see you with stethoscope in hand, standing there, and they continue to talk on the phone as if you were not :angryfire

I love even more the "hovering" family members who watch everything you do (to ensure their loved on is getting the best care of course) and then talks to the patient while you are trying to listen to their chest! Are you completely stupid???!! Do you think I am just doing this for show?

[rph3664]

BabyScanner82 said:

5) This one is my personal favorite, every shift I hear numerous complaints about how bad the food is. What I would give to tell one of these patients, your in a hospital, not a hotel. That food you were eating that put on that extra 100 pounds may be the very reason your lying in that bed with shortness of breath! I guess that would just be an anwser with too much logic now wouldn't it?

My mother had a tubal ligation back in the day when that procedure was 3 days in the hospital, and it was also the only time she ever heard anyone really complain about the food. Her roommate was a 300 pound diabetic who had been put in the hospital because she refused to take care of herself, so of course she didn't like what they were giving her to eat.

[rph3664]

FlyingScot said:

How are you expected to pay for your blood pressure medicine Mrs. Robinson? (fake name of patient who presented to ER with HTN and prescription had run out)Do you really want me to tell you because you aren't going to like what I say. Are you sure, you really aren't going to be happy with my answer. Okay, here goes. Perhaps you would be able to afford your medication if you weren't spending $100 a month on fancy fake nails with rhinestones and airbrushed designs. And you might want to reconsider whether the $50 dollar hair-do with all the swirly things and curls is really necessary considering the fact that your out of control blood pressure is likely going to kill you. Actually said this to a patient only in a slightly nicer way. She looked at me gape-faced. Then I think she considered punching me but I really did say it in a concerned way and had given her an out if she didn't want to hear it. Her face finally relaxed as she realized that what I had said was true and actually thanked me as I walked her out the door.

American poverty, 2007:

Morbid obesity

Top of the line cell phone with all the extras, for each family member, even if it isn't necessary

Cable or satellite with every movie package

All the latest electronic equipment and every game or accessory that accompanies it

All the latest designer clothes

even though nobody in the household has ever had a job, and no, these things were not given to them by a charity or kindhearted soul. They often live on SSI for their obesity, drug addiction, or the kids' ADHD.

The above makes things so much harder for people who genuinely fall on hard times, whether through no fault of their own or by some bad decisions, not a lifetime of them.

JMHO

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Moderator's Note:

Venting in these forums is, and always will be, encouraged and accepted here at allnurses. However, mean-spirited bashing and/or stereotyping of certain segments of the population is not helpful, nor does it add anything of value to these discussions. Please confine the social and political commentary to the Break Room. Thank you.

[Ms Kylee]

Just once I'd love to say Get off the call bell for 10 minutes will you? You can do more than you're showing me, and you've alienated everyone that works this floor because you're impossible to please. You're not helpless and you don't deserve any preferential treatment because you think you should be waited on hand and foot. (I gave this patients washcloths and towels and a clean gown because I knew they were capable of washing themselves up, and what happened? They called the nurse to give them a bath of course. I would have loved to have said if you're being discharged tomorrow (because that's what you've told me) you are perfectly capable of washing up yourself. Better yet, can I "break" the call bell so they can't call anymore? This patient managed to anger 6 nurses, and 3 aides.. and that was only on day 2 of the hospital stay.

You're not my only patient. Stop thinking and believing you are. There are other people sicker than you are that DO need me.

This is a hospital not a spa. We don't work on your schedule, you need to adjust to ours.

You wanna check out AMA? Be my guest... There's the door. I'll even help you pack.

You don't like my service? I'm doing the best I can and I'm tired of busting my bum to please you. Chances are, you're a born complainer and no matter what I do, it won't be good enough for you.

No, I can't take your family member's blood pressure. My butt would get fired so fast, you wouldn't be able to see the flames.

Patient's families of 42 who camp out in the room... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go somewhere else.. you don't need to be here 24/7 and your family member is probably too polite to tell you to go home. Come and stay an hour, not all 24. Or patient's families who show up at 7 AM to "visit". Hello... I have sugars to do, baths to give, patients to feed, vitals to get... get outta the room... go get a coffee or something. Just go away for half an hour, please. (I would give anything to have enforcable visiting hours 2-4 and 7-9 back again).

I have no idea what time your doctor is coming. I forgot my crystal ball today. It won't fit in my purse.

I can't tell you what's wrong with the patient up/down/across the hall. There's this thing called HIPAA.

I can't give you meds because I am not a nurse (yet). I can tell your nurse that your IV is beeping, you're having pain, etc. I cannot unplug your IV, hang a new bag, or get the air out of the line. That is way outside my scope of practice. If you don't like it, tell the federal government, not me. My hands are tied.

I'm not a waitress. At least when I was a waitress I got tips.

I love my patients.. I really do.. but this has been one really badddddddddddddd week....

[niali]

There is another...While your family members are visiting you,Why won't they do ANYTHING for you ? I want to ask them,Where is the love ?

[rph3664]

Kylee45 said:

I have no idea what time your doctor is coming. I forgot my crystal ball today. It won't fit in my purse.

I can't tell you what's wrong with the patient up/down/across the hall. There's this thing called HIPAA.

But doctors sit by the patient's bed, just waiting for the nurse to come in! Or at least they do on TV.

Oh, and on TV, they always inform family members of a death in the parking lot or a crowded hallway.

And even before HIPAA, there was such a thing as patient confidentiality.

[pipersjo, ADN, BSN, MSN]

I had a patient that wanted help putting his member in the urinal and help moving his testicles-- nothing wrong with his hands or arms, he just wouldn't do it. I told him no, I will not move your testicles you can do it yourself. I will, however, get someone to help me pull you up in bed for the thousandth time and then you can rearrange the intimate parts of your body to your hearts content. All of this while my patient next door was basically dying because he needed dialysis but did not want to put himself through it.

[flightnurse2b, LPN]

pipersjo said:

I had a patient that wanted help putting his member in the urinal and help moving his testicles-- nothing wrong with his hands or arms, he just wouldn't do it. I told him no, I will not move your testicles you can do it yourself.

I had a patient curse me out in the ER one night because he came in with this huge mole on his testicles and wanted us to cut it off. he seriously walked down the hallway and showed it to every single person he could have. no, paramedics cant do that and neither can nurses, and the ER doctor wasnt about to leave a pedi head trauma to cut off the mole on his member.

[GeauxNursing]

[[chronic hemodialysis unit]]

"Yes, you are right. I AM trying to kill you on this machine. it IS my fault that you are cramping. and I specifically called your bus driver this morning and told him to make you an hour late for tx.. I want you to be miserable. It has nothing to do with the fact that you drink 12 kilos worth of fluid b/t tx. "

[treysdaddy08]

Kylee45 said:

Patient's families of 42 who camp out in the room... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go somewhere else.. you don't need to be here 24/7 and your family member is probably too polite to tell you to go home. Come and stay an hour, not all 24. Or patient's families who show up at 7 AM to "visit". Hello... I have sugars to do, baths to give, patients to feed, vitals to get... get the hell outta the room. (I would give anything to have enforcable visiting hours 2-4 and 7-9 back again).

and if you were this pt, would you like those hours? or better yet, if you were the family and your family member were in the hospital, would you want to only be able to see them from 2-4 or 7-9, on the days when you work from 3-10? I think it's great, albeit an incovinience, that the family is so supportive.

[rph3664]

allison2008 said:

I had a patient curse me out in the ER one night because he came in with this huge mole on his testicles and wanted us to cut it off. he seriously walked down the hallway and showed it to every single person he could have. no, paramedics cant do that and neither can nurses, and the ER doctor wasn't about to leave a pedi head trauma to cut off the mole on his member.

Another case of someone who's had something, like, forever, and wants it taken care of NOW?

Sounds like it.