Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 36

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   grace90
    Quote from grace90
    No, the internal med doc in-house is not going to let you go outside and smoke, even if it is just one cigarette. I'm not going to drop everything I'm trying to do for my 5 other patients with serious health issues to ask him if you can. I ALREADY KNOW he is going to say no.

    I don't care if you are 18, and that makes you an adult, every pt up here is an adult and none of them can go smoke. If you smoke in your room, the smoke would choke the very ill guy next door with a trach.

    If you try to force your way downstairs, we will call an emergency code for security and we'll tie your #$% down.

    Now shut up and quit yer whinin' before I beat the tar out of you 'cuz I have a patient bradying down who actually needs me, ya little @#$%&.

    :angryfire


    can ya tell i had a lovely shift last night?
    Yes, I'm quoting myself! I just read this over, and it still feels good to have said it, even if it was on here and not to the actual hobag who made my shift so miserable. Please, guys and gals, don't get this thread shut down, some of us really need it.
  2. by   southernbeegirl
    sorry for the drama guys! i spoke before i thought about it. as i said in my other post, i surely dont want to muck up the best thread i've ever read in my life!

    just wanted to apologize openly to rph and the rest of you and especially the OP.

    being a big girl myself, i wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes. but i also realize that this thread is to vent about PIA patients and what you'd love to say to them and I, too, have had obese patients that wouldnt move a toe from sheer laziness and they burn me up too.

    so again, i offer my apology to all and hope everyone continues to post on this thread. it truly is the best thread ever and we need a place to be able to vent without judgement. i promise to be good.
  3. by   AngelfireRN
    Thanks, southernbee, I do appreciate that. And thanks to rph for bumping up my OP. I still giggle every time I read that. God, I had had a BAD night when I started this thread.
    Keep 'em coming, you guys!
  4. by   southernbeegirl
    It took me almost all day a few days ago but i read this whole thread. I dont know that i've ever laffed so much. the bad part is it's all true!

    I have so much that i'd love to say to family members of patients!

    No, I want "just run" to your mother's room to see if she's sleeping, or if bubba is in there, or she cant reach her phone. I'll be happy to ask the staff to check on her during their next round or when someone is down at the end of that hall but no, I cant stop what i'm doing to go right now. We have 80 patients in this building, do you think we could do that for 80 people? not if you want your mom taken care of we cant!

    No, you can't just drop off "mom" to stay with your dad all day because she is confused and he normally takes care of her. your father had a stroke and is in rehab! and no, the nurses just cant change her diaper when she pees or make sure she eats or whatever...she's not our patient!

    Would you please get out of my way!! I am trying to give your mom a breathing treatment so she can breathe better but i cant get to her because you and your rude family will not get out of the way!

    Oh? your mom's clothes are missing? did you put her name in them? oh, you didnt? then how were we supposed to know whose room to put them in after we washed them?? take your happy self on down to the laundry room and dig thru the pile of clothes unmarked by idiotic family members then and leave me alone!

    ooh...this is starting to feel good! all nice and therapeutic like!
  5. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from AngelfireRN
    Thanks, southernbee, I do appreciate that. And thanks to rph for bumping up my OP. I still giggle every time I read that. God, I had had a BAD night when I started this thread.
    Keep 'em coming, you guys!
    you are welcome and thanks again for accepting my apology.
  6. by   Ruby Vee
    Quote from hilinenursegrl
    "i'm here to save you a**, not kiss it"

    i love it! that would make a great signature line!
  7. by   babydoll99_99
    1) Please Please Please read a book, any book about babies will do, BEFORE you deliver. Or better yet take one of those FREE parenting classes that are offered all over the city!

    2) No, I will not give you a free car seat. You paid over $100 for a private room, you can go buy a $40 car seat to keep your baby safe on the way home.


    3) No, I will not give you extra formula to take home. I don't care that you don't have a WIC appointment until next week for the free stuff. You have had nine months to prepare for this child, a couple cans of formula to feed this new human being should have been bought along with all the Michael Jordan gear you apparently could afford.

    4) Yes I realize that you are still just a child, but having a baby is a grown up thing to do, SO GROW UP!

    5) No, we do not do paternity tests while still in the hospital, and no I do not know how you will get this guy to pay for the private room without one. Figure it out.

    6) No, I will not get on the phone with anyone for you. You have a phone in the room for a reason. Use it.

    7) There is a reason that babies are supposed to come out the vagina. Do not cry to me when you have a scheduled primary social c-section and your baby goes to NICU for respiratory distress. I will not feel sorry for you. I will, however, feel sorry for your baby that was only 37 weeks at the time you decided you were tired of being regnant and had him yanked out of you.

    8) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Stop with the can I have some narcs too jokes. I hear them way to often and really they aren't funny. Neither is the joke about mom not being able to have sex for 6 weeks after I have been looking at her swollen crotch for 2 days.

    9) Last but not least, THIS IS YOUR BABY. Stop calling me every time it needs to be changed/fed/burped. This is now your responsibility for the next 18 years. Shut up and just do it, and if you say that it is my job one more time I will be laying in that bed and YOU can have my job and see what dealing with your whiny a** all day has been like.

    Wow, That felt good. LOL:bowingpur
  8. by   Hygiene Queen
    [QUOTE=southernbeegirl;3210336]
    Oh? your mom's clothes are missing? did you put her name in them? oh, you didnt? then how were we supposed to know whose room to put them in after we washed them?? take your happy self on down to the laundry room and dig thru the pile of clothes unmarked by idiotic family members then and leave me alone!

    HARDEE HAR HAR!!!!!
    I hate that!!!
    Hello, there is this cool thing called a Sharpie. Buy one. Use it. Put Mamma's name in her darn bloomers!
    If it's a slow day, I might be nice and do it for you (ok, maybe not for YOU because YOU are PITA).
    Chances are, however, that I won't (or I CAN'T, is more like it!)
    You can yell at me that it only takes two seconds to mark some bloomers... alrighty then... why didn't YOU do it... it's yo mamma!

    Sorry, folks... I get annoyed with families that expect us to DO EVERYTHING. Next thing ya know, they'll be mad that you didn't personally pick the cotton, weave the fabric, and make the cock-a-doody bloomers for them.
  9. by   GadgetRN71
    "No, all 15 of you can't come in to the Pacu to see Grannie. There is a little thing called patient privacy. And no, the 10 year old can't go back there either..Why do you want to take the chance that little Caitlin is going to see some yucky stuff ie blood, naked patients possibly, maybe even a code?? Go back to the waiting room"

    " Do not lie to me when I ask if you have jewelry. If there are piercings you "forgot" to mention, they are coming out.(depends on the surgeon's preference) Too bad ,so sad if your holes close over. There are risks with having jewelry on/in during surgery, these have been explained to you. Take some responsibility for the outcome of your surgery"

    " No, you can't keep your underwear on for your surgery, seeing as how that area is where we make incision. Rest assured that I'm a big believer in protecting my patient's privacy. But, there are certain things we have to do during the operation. We are not out to gaze at your genitals."
  10. by   Sterren
    Your pain is NOT 10/10.
  11. by   Fuzzy
    Here are some of mine from working at the vet hospital. I know that I'm not a real nurse but I do provide nursing/patient care.

    1. Don't let your dog go visiting just because your do is friendly doesn't mean that
    the german shepherd over there in the corner appreciates your cute white (soon
    to be red) poodle in its face.

    2. Could you please put your child on a leash or in a carrier?

    3. What part of "Please turn of your cellphone" don't you understand?

    4. Allowing your child to stick his fingers in a cage with a mean cat in it is asking
    for amputation of said digits.

    5. The lock on your retractable leash was put there for a reason and not for
    decoration. Please use it to keep your dog aggressive rottweiler close to you.

    6. I'm not your baby sitter. You had them, you change the dirty diaper.

    7. No we don't have diapers here. We're an animal hospital.

    8. No, I'm not hurting little "FiFi", she's hurting me by biting the $%^* out of my
    hand while trying to clip her nails.

    9. Do you allow your dog to **** on the walls in your kitchen?

    10. What part of do not feed after 10:00pm don't you understand? (Dog came in for surgery and proceded to vomit 3 cups of food and other stuff in the bottom of the cage. Needless to say surgery was postponed for another day.)

    Fuzzy, CVT
  12. by   Fuzzy
    I work in a vet hospital. While i'm not a 'real' nurse, I do provise nursing/patient care. Here are some of my aggrevations.

    1. I know your dog is friendly. That shepherd likes to eat friendly dogs. He's here
    because he ate the neighbor's friendly child.

    2. Would you please put your child on a leash or in a carrier.

    3. I'm not your baby sitter. You can change your own kid's diaper.

    4. No we don't use diapers on the animals.

    5. Just because you are a doctor, a nurse, an EMT, or other human medical profession
    doesn't mean that giving your cat tylenol won't kill him.

    6. Giving your 8 month old lab your son's ritalin will not make him less hyper. In fact
    it will send him to the moon before he crashes and burns.

    7. The lock on your retractable leash does have a purpose. It was not put there for
    decoration. Please use it before the dog agressive rottweiler has a taste of "Little
    Poosie".

    8. What part of Please turn off your cellphone don't you understand?

    9. Do you allow your dog to pee on your kitchen walls?

    10. If your cat was in a carrier, then you wouldn't be a "human scratching post".

    Fuzzy, CVT
  13. by   elizabells
    You know what would be nice? If you ever said please.

    "Can you take her out for me to hold?"

    "Can you fix her CPAP?"

    "She needs her diaper changed."

    All reasonable requests, mind you. Happy to do it. But if you don't say please, I'm still going to want to knock your teeth in by the end of the day. So sorry!

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