Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 262

by AngelfireRN 597,701 Views | 2616 Comments

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling and hurling obscenities at me... Read More


  1. 5
    "Oh, my dear sweet LORD. Are you really that stupid, or are you just putting on for my benefit? How on Earth do you even find your way out of your house in the morning?"

    That was what I WANTED to say...what I DID say, was much more controlled.


    "No, dear, the antibiotic I prescribed you didn't 'skip your tooth because I prescribed it for bronchitis'. No, there's no such thing as 'an antibiotic just for teeth'. The one you were prescribed would have covered your tooth as well. No, there's no such thing as bronchitis in your tooth. I said it would TREAT bronchitis and your tooth."

    Ever have a day where you just wonder who moved the rock?
  2. 4
    To a 20-something year old guy: Yes, guys can get UTIs. Really.

    No, you cannot catch a UTI from your girlfriend for having sex with her when she has one.

    Yes, they really do hurt.


    Jeeeeez....
    anotherone, rammstein, opossum, and 1 other like this.
  3. 5
    "Please, please, please - for the sake of humanity's future - don't procreate. Oh, you already did? I guess that explains why human evolution is still just a theory..."
  4. 11
    Welcome to the hospital...sorry you're sick.

    Section I
    Here's what I care about while you're here
    :
    Blood going round and round
    Air going in and out*

    *Not necessarily in that order

    Section II
    Here's what I don't care about while you're here
    :
    Ingrown toenails
    Vague rashes you've had on and off for 50 yrs
    Boredom
    Chapped lips
    Fetching snacks for your girlfriend's sister's dog's cousin's best friend who heard you were in the hospital
    Nail clipping (okay, ANYTHING involving your toenails)
    Hair curling (in the ICU...true story!)
    Us not having your preferred sweetener
    Removing stitches from your mom's (not a patient) hand (true story!)
    Removing the juice container top foil seals juuuust the right way

    If you're not sure I'm going to care about a particular complaint you don't see listed, please see section I. Thank you!
  5. 5
    Quote from opossum
    Welcome to the hospital...sorry you're sick.

    Section I
    Here's what I care about while you're here
    :
    Blood going round and round
    Air going in and out*

    *Not necessarily in that order

    Section II
    Here's what I don't care about while you're here
    :
    Ingrown toenails
    Vague rashes you've had on and off for 50 yrs
    Boredom
    Chapped lips
    Fetching snacks for your girlfriend's sister's dog's cousin's best friend who heard you were in the hospital
    Nail clipping (okay, ANYTHING involving your toenails)
    Hair curling (in the ICU...true story!)
    Us not having your preferred sweetener
    Removing stitches from your mom's (not a patient) hand (true story!)
    Removing the juice container top foil seals juuuust the right way

    If you're not sure I'm going to care about a particular complaint you don't see listed, please see section I. Thank you!
    Too bad we can't get Administration to print this up and put it in the little "welcome" book that's in each room! It's no wonder everyone thinks they're in a hotel, that binder looks just like the ones in every major hotel chain in North America -- you know, the ones that list a gazillion amenities and say, "If you've forgotten a toothbrush or comb or ANYthing, please let the front desk know and we will be happy to accommodate your every wish!"
    Szasz_is_Right, anotherone, wooh, and 2 others like this.
  6. 7
    to the ones that refuse all testing and interventions but demand dilaudid "ok just leave, i am not going to order dilaudid just because you say you are in pain"thats what one dr said to one pt who refused any diagnostic test from labs to images but demanded dilaudid for abdominal pain. i stood there smirking trying not to lol
    maelstrom143, JZ_RN, Szasz_is_Right, and 4 others like this.
  7. 5
    "No, patient/family member of patient, I don't want "a piece" of the already picked over, almost gone, mangled looking dessert that you brought in that is now covered in c-diff and MRSA thanks to the fact that this is an ISOLATION ROOM!!!"

    It is extremely sweet and definitely above and beyond for people to specifically buy food for the nurses, but none of us want your half-eaten leftovers that you seem so intent on offering us! The worst was the family member who dropped a box of cupcakes on the floor, picked them up with ("with gloves!") and then told us that "she didn't think" certain ones had fallen on the floor and were thus okay to eat! LOLOL


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