Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - Page 253

Register Today!
  1. Admin
    Aug 16, '12 by
    Many off-topic, rude, and divisive posts removed.

    Thread reopened.

    Please stay on topic.
    Esme12 likes this.
  2. Aug 16, '12 by
    Hmmm, this thread is so old I can't remember if I've even posted on it!

    What do I wish I could actually SAY?

    Here goes:

    You've had a colonoscopy, barium enema, two upper endoscopies, and a capsule endoscopy, all showing negative-zero-zilch. You've complained about nausea, vaguely-moving abdominal pain, and 'sometimes I get headaches' for over a month now, trying every med known to man, all with no relief (except, of course, when we SEE you, since you always seem perfectly fine for your visits--lonely much?). You claim you can't keep any food down, but you haven't lost so much as an ounce in the last two months. Since there's NOTHING wrong with your GI tract, might I recommend a good psychiatrist?!
    noahsmama, DeLanaHarvickWannabe, opossum, and 2 others like this.
  3. Aug 16, '12 by
    "No, ma'am, the way to request a medication change is NOT to 'wean' yourself off of one, start taking your son's OTHER med, and tell us how much better it works. Not only is it a violation of your contract, it really cheeses off Doc when you play at his job."Crazy biddy pouted and told me she thought we'd be proud of her!
    maelstrom143, Simba&NalasMom, RNsRWe, and 1 other like this.
  4. Guide
    Aug 16, '12 by
    I have a brother who's an ED nurse and another one who's an ex-Marine. If you can say a cuss word I haven't heard already I might pay you to let me hear it. But don't roll up in here and try to impress your girlfriend (or the nurse - that's me) by telling me we need to 'get our (insert profanity of choice) together at this place' because no one told you you had to bring your ID to get your name on your baby's birth certificate. Triple this when I am old enough to be your mama. You ain't cute, and I ain't impressed.
    Last edit by Esme12 on Aug 17, '12
    Silverlight2010, Simba&NalasMom, sharpeimom, and 3 others like this.
  5. Guide
    Aug 16, '12 by
    You've been $%^&*@#$ for days about the antibiotic making you itch. You've seen your PCP, a dermatologist,
    and emailed pictures of your rash to your plastic surgeon cousin who lives out of state. You've tried Benadryl,
    calamine lotion, baking soda compresses, medicated powder... and NOTHING worked! NOW will you please try
    the foul smelling ointment the pharmacist ordered in ingredients for and then compounded himself?

    Oh, wait a second! I DID say just that. It was this afternoon and the patient was my usually reasonable husband!

    My other unsympathetic comment? "STOP SCRATCHING! You're making me itch!"
    maelstrom143, teeniebert, Simba&NalasMom, and 3 others like this.
  6. Aug 17, '12 by
    Why no, I have never seen one like that, and I will spend much time clawing out my eyes to try and remove the memory of it.

    and by extension:

    Why no, I have never smelled one like that, and I will spend much time stabbing my nose with a rusty butterknife so that the excruciating pain of the olfactory centers of my brain will cease.
    maelstrom143, DeLanaHarvickWannabe, wooh, and 4 others like this.
  7. Aug 17, '12 by
    Quote from Elvish
    I have a brother who's an ED nurse and another one who's an ex-Marine. If you can say a cuss word I haven't heard already I might pay you to let me hear it. But don't roll up in here and try to impress your girlfriend (or the nurse - that's me) by telling me we need to 'get our (insert profanity of choice) together at this place' because no one told you you had to bring your ID to get your name on your baby's birth certificate. Triple this when I am old enough to be your mama. You ain't cute, and I ain't impressed.
    Actually...before coming to America Id never heard of photo ID being necessary to be on the birth certificate. I used to work mother-baby and we never checked ID. And because no one bothered to tell ME that here, my daughter has no dad on HER birth certificate either (her dad lost his ID at the hospital when I delivered)
  8. Guide
    Aug 17, '12 by
    Quote from Jeweles26
    Actually...before coming to America Id never heard of photo ID being necessary to be on the birth certificate. I used to work mother-baby and we never checked ID. And because no one bothered to tell ME that here, my daughter has no dad on HER birth certificate either (her dad lost his ID at the hospital when I delivered)
    For someone not from the US, it is a little more understandable, and I have had plenty of immigrants not be aware of the requirement. Regardless, I am certain you (along with most other folks) handled yourself with a little more decorum than aforementioned babydaddy.
    AngelfireRN likes this.
  9. Aug 17, '12 by
    Quote from tnbutterfly
    Many off-topic, rude, and divisive posts removed.

    Thread reopened.

    Please stay on topic.
    Thanks for reopening the thread. I've gotten a lot of laughs over it.
    Szasz_is_Right, opossum, DeLanaHarvickWannabe, and 7 others like this.
  10. Aug 19, '12 by
    "No, I will not get you another warm blanket every time your old one cools down to room temperature. Do I look like I have that much time on my hands?" (For the record, the blanket warmer on our floor is a fair walk to the other side of the floor from this patient's room, and yes, he wants a warm blanket, not just any blanket)
    And for the same patient, "I just exerted every single muscle and sweat bucketloads in my isolation gear to change you and all your bed linens due to your constant diarrhea. The least you can do is lift your arm when I ask so I can put a new gown on you. I know you are sick and weak but you still have two functioning arms, so move them!"
    Simba&NalasMom, AngelfireRN, and opossum like this.